SS11 plans to use teachers/CPS to prevent punishment
Hello all. I am new here. I have a SS11, been married to his dad for 3 years and been in their lives for 4. I have never met nor spoke to the BM and we do not like each other. She said very awful things to DH when she realized he was moving on and I just choose not to have that negativity in my life, so I chose to never meet her. We have SS11 every weekend Friday afternoon through Sunday evening, no formal custody agreement though and we're basically at her mercy. Anyway.
SS11 was playing with BM's sister and his finger got injured in a minor way. He went to school the next day and before class even started he "warned" the teacher that he simply could not do his work because his thumb hurt too bad. He is a hypocondriac to the point where he will make a giant deal over some blood on his finger from dry skin or a papercut. Anyway, we are not sure what exactly he said to his teacher, but she called the police and the police went to BM's house. Obviously the whole story came out and they realized it was nothing.
Now.... she didn't even ground him at first. We grounded him right away, so when he came to our house that meant no tablet, no TV, no videogames. He was allowed to draw, play with his hot wheels, or do HW. Come Sunday, DH does HW with SS and it takes 3 hours. He gets frustrated because he is just not good at school - any subject. He won't read anything and I swear when I try to teach him anything he just doesn't even seem like he's listening. So DH brings up the police/CPS thing and tries again (he spoke to him on the phone the night this happened) to drill home the fact that what he did was really wrong and that he could end up sending his mom to jail if he makes things up.
BM says when he is with her he has complete blow out arguments with her. He screams and yells and has complete meltdowns. He NEVER acts this way with us, to the point where I can't even picture him acting this way. But she has said for years that he does that with her and DH tries to discipline him but he continues to do it.
So this morning he got into trouble for something at BM's house and she told him he is grounded from everything - PS4 she bought him for Xmas, tablet, toys, everything. He told her "you better not do that, I am warning you right now. Do you think I should tell my teacher about this?" (these are the exact words she claimed he said)
.........I am just gobsmacked at this point. With us is he fine.. I don't really connect with him and I think he's a very awkward child but he is not bad. We have to remind him to clean up but he does it. He only gives attitude regarding HW but he is usually respectful. He has never yelled or screamed at me or DH. So who is this demon spawn that lives with BM? And now all he learned about the teacher/police/CPS situation was how to get his mom in trouble if she dare discipline him. Should I be worried???????????
I think the little shit needs
I think the little shit needs a conference with all the adults in his life and put on notice that the threats are not acceptable and if he thinks reporting the adults in his life to the authorities will get him out of doing any work, he will end up in foster care and then HE WILL BE EXPECTED TO DO THE WORK.
Somehow he got a taste of power and that needs to be rectified in his little pea brain. No kid wants to do work but its up to the parents to make them do it. Its called parenting. SS has lost respect for his mother and its only a matter of time before he brings it to your home.
I say tough love with a united front to make it clear to him.
I agree
I agree with you, Survivingstephell. The problem is no one wants to listen to what I have to say. It seems like no one sees this is big of a deal as I do. BM is pissed, DH is pissed. But they don't really seem to be doing anything about it. It's ALL I can think about lately but I worry this kid is going to get away with it.
If he does manage to get BM
If he does manage to get BM put in jail, he will end up at your house. Now that should change the way you parent him from then on. That idea you can use yourself to put SS on notice. Living at your house full time will give you more power over SS and you aren't playing that game with him. I had no problem being the adult in my house with the skids. Secretly I think they liked someone being in charge and making things flow in the house. They would never admit it though. BM wouldn't have it. Not that I cared. I also had bios to bring up and there was no way I would lose my kids to some dumbass skid scheme to get out of homework or chores. Although you feel helpless, you aren't. One on one conversations using a sinister voice and total denial aftertwards about it can work wonders in situations like this. You keep your power with any creative manner needed. Otherwise kids rule the house and that doesn't work in my mind. Maybe start talking about BM going to jail and how much he will be expected to do around the house, and how his grades will be expected to be way higher than they are now. Out smart him. I guarantee he hasn't thought this out completely. So do it for him and have fun with it.
Rags needs to jump in on this. LOL
This is why you NEVER tell a
This is why you NEVER tell a kid that sort of thing. Of course he’s going to use it. He knows he can and your husband played right into it.
Yes you should. If he knows it will work with BM it’s a matter of moments before he flips it on dad.
What I would do is be proactive. I would contact a therapist about his behavior. Explain he is talking about calling CPS to manipulate BM. The therapist may not chose to see him but you start a record of the behavior.
So, call CPS, the Police,
So, call CPS, the Police, Fire Department, the school and set up a meeting between CPS, the school, BM, dad and all SParents for a round table shredding of this kid by all adults and a few LEOs in uniform. If he wants to play games, scare the living shit out of him and leave him pissing his shorts. As a capstone to the meeting, bend him over the edge of the conference table, show him the law where Corporal Punishment is not illegal in your state (unless you live in Delaware) and paddle his toxic bratty ass!!!
IMHO of course.
Have fun!!