SD bad grades
Usually SD brings her laptop for the weekend but apparently she's grounded. Background: BM has full physical custody so takes SD to school everyday and gets all of the school info. DH always has to add his name to the school portal and contact list. BM doesn't think DH is important enough to share school info with and she always registers SD at school.
SD says she has 50% in English, 77% in math and 79% in history. She's been grounded at BM's from her tablet, the laptop, youtube, and the xbox. Yet, they just got back from Disneyland. SD claims it "wasn't that fun". Maybe it's the preteen talking and being grounded.
DH hadn't seen any updates or gotten any calls from SD's teachers and BM didn't bother to mention it to him at pickup. It just really chaps my arse that BM gets all of the glory for being CP and can't stay on top of SD's schoolwork but is going on vacations during school time to Disneyland.
As in my last post, I'd rather have SD 100% or not at all because of the inconsistencies in communication and parenting.
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I get it that BM doesn't give
I get it that BM doesn't give him information. But, sometimes you have do the asking yourself, and this is one of those times for DH.
DH is on the portal. Aren't the grades on the portal? BM may have physical custody, but doesn't have sole legal if he is on the portal. Nothing prevents him from emailing the teacher if he has concerns.
What is he supposed to do
What is he supposed to do really? BM didn't want him to have SD for schoolwork and she got her wish and now he's supposed to scold SD for something he had no control of? BM shouldn't have been the CP in the first place and it's showing in SD's grades and attitude.
He lets how SD turns out he
He lets how SD turns out he BM's responsibility. And so do you. Instead if fretting and being angry, I'd log onto the portal when I needed a good laugh.
DS's grades are all in the 90s. Never once saw that with SDs. Nothing wrong with the SDs IQs, they just lived in a don't care house.
It just breaks my heart that
It just breaks my heart that SD has to suffer. How can BM ground her for homework that wasn't done when she's the one who decided to vacation during 4 school days??
How is DH supposed to be a dad when BM made sure he'd never get school days? Weekend parents are not parents! SD was thriving when DH had her Monday/ Tuesday but it was "too hard on SD's routine" at BM's... Per the borderline PASing BM of course. SD is extremely intelligent, just lazy.
Off topic, Weekend parents
Off topic,
Weekend parents are still parents and sadly sometimes they are the better parents.
However for whatever reason the weekend parents presence is limited. In our case distance prevents SO from having 50 /50. He would love to be primary and displays better parenting skills but we all know how the courts assume mom is the better option until you can prove she is infit.
Your SD is not suffering and
Your SD is not suffering and her mother did not ignore the bad grades. The kid is being punished. Unless they live local, it would have been silly(and costly) to cancel the Disney trip.
No CP is obligated to play secretary for the NCP. The NCP can/should take the initiative to stay ontop of their child's school performance.
And what does "staying on
And what does "staying on top" of SD's school performance do for SD? He can punish her too and make sure she does makeup work on his weekends but he doesn't see her during the week so is he supposed to hound BM to make sure SD is actually doing her work when that's her job that she demanded to have? BM wanted the responsibility of having SD all week so I don't understand what he's really going to accomplish.
Plus, going on a Disney trip is what put SD behind in the first place so why should she be punished for BM's plans to vacation during 4 school days? It's not helping SD get ahead.
Staying on top of her school
Staying on top of her school performance keeps him in the loop. If he discovers she is struggling with a certain concept, then he can help her with it during his time with her. :?
One can be a NCP and remain actively engaged in the child's academic progress without the CP permission/input.
I love dogs. Trust me I
I love dogs.
Trust me I completely understand where YOU are. I have been there.
Years ago post divorce with minor kids, Judges did order Moms to hand over copies of everything to dads. Report cards, papers etc.
Of course court orders do not stop parents from refusing to keep non custodial in the loop. However today things are slightly different. Dad can be added to minor kids school stuff/teacher info simply by asking the teacher. IF he is blocked he can take orders in to schools. When that is not successful, usually because bm has her hooks into another single "man hater mom" office secretary, a trip to the board of education usually fixes it.
Why does dad feel he must punish sd at HIS/YOUR house? That's moms deal. Does your husband hand off punishments to be extend to Moms house? That is a little much in my book.
I would tell my ex to pound sand. It I were in those shoes. MY house MY rules.
Not my house YOUR rules.
Ilovedogs...look up Paralle Parenting on Mr. Custody Coach.
On Monday have dh call sd's teacher---get on that portal. Give teacher dads phone number and email. Also ask to speak to teacher about sd. NO NEED TO tell BM....Oh and see if the school can sign you up for telephone calls about school reminders....
sorry about this...I understand how you feel.
We're in the same boat. DH
We're in the same boat. DH has access to the school portal, but never gets any information that is not shared through the portal.
SSs did ok in their grades, but I think they don't have to do much at school. Very few teachers mark down on work that is handed in late. Still both SSs have missing assignments all the time.
If DH says anything to SSs about their missing assignments or about working hard, he hears from BM that he is "making them feel bad." If DH says anything to BM about how they should work together to have high expectations for SSs and let them know that they are now old enough to take responsibility for their own work, she tells DH that he's only saying that because he wants to make her look bad.
My SSs are pretty lazy. They are lucky that not much is expected of them at school and that they don't get much homework. They still don't complete in-school assignments on time, but so far have not been penalized, so no lessons about working hard are being learned.