Cordial Strangers, I love that term!

Yes, I think that is exactly what I would do in your situation. DH is their father, let him have the relationship with them that he wants. You don't really have to have anything to do with them other than being polite and friendly.

I would however have a long talk with DH and let him know that you have boundries. He should not be talking to his kids about your relationship, your finances, your homelife or whatever is important to you.

Hopefully you and the skids can form your own relationship or friendship but it's not imparative that you do anything.

I remember you well. What an unexpected yet lovely turn of events. We always hope that skids will behave better as they age and evolve.

How are things with your DH? Are you still living separately, with him in the money pit house that he refuses to sell or finish remodeling? Has he gotten help for his drinking problem? I remember him going to visit a daughter, and how happy you were that he brought a gift home for you only to discover that he paid for it with your money. I always wondered if maybe he was undiagnosed Asperger's, since he can be so controlling and seemed to lack EQ.

And how is your daughter? Did she complete her undergrad studies? She seemed destined for great things.

Yeah, I would go slow.  There are a few things that are samo-samo like excluding you from pictures, etc.  And why do they feel the need to call BM while they are taking a trip with DH and you?  Couldn't they wait until later when they had some time to themselves?

Cordial strangers sounds like a good plan.  I'd make sure to set down firm boundaries now as notsobad suggested - no discussion about you, or DH's relationship with you, finances, etc.  When they insist on taking pictures of them and their Dad and exclude you, you smile, hand them your phone or camera and come back with, "Now it's my turn to have a picture taken with your Dad" and exclude them.  If your DH complains about it tell him you are practicing mutual respect now - and nothing short of it.

Your complaints do not sound petty. These adult skids are playing the same picture  games that my DH's adult brood plays on me. Seriously, they just had to call their mommy while on a trip? They pulled that on purpose I bet just as a jab to you. The fact you could hear the woman's voice was because they had it on speaker and they wanted you to hear her voice. 

Then, the picture game. Ugh! Adult skids pulls this with DH and I whenever they can. What DH does now is to insist I am included in photos. I think if one of the hateful adult skids asked me to take pics of a happy trip I was on and purposely exclude me from all the pics, I would accidentally drop the phone/camera.....ooops!

They could of included you in a picture or two. No reason to exclude you, except that they do not want you in any of their precious pics. It is disrespectful and hateful to do this to anyone. You have been with your DH for how long?. You are family and they want to leave you out of their happy little family.

If he didn't, I think your DH should address the "exclude step mommy out of any pic" game right when it happens the next time. Trust me, there will be a next time, and again, and again. Don't mean to sound negative. It is just another adult skid game. 

Not sure of what your past background was with them, but please don't let them treat you like dirt again if they did it before. Making DH happy at your expense, meaning you get the shaft on adult skid trips, isn't fair to you. 

Best of luck in the future.

I think that you were here around the time that I joined out of sheer desperation and loneliness. It was around this time, perhaps in November, after a REALLY super aweful argument, with Feral Eldest SD19, when I was calling her Winona, because she was caught stealing from a JC Penney Twice. 

Glad that you are back to a new normal happier place. It takes a lot of time to recover when it has been so toxic. If you recall me, well my updated version of new normal is that 1 year ago August Feral Eldest got a job and moved out, to somewhere else in the next town over. 1 1/2 years ago, her mother, who I now call ToxicTroll, beat her up badly enough she had bruises on her head and she had trouble swalllowing. She was JUST turned 18, not even 2 weeks... the only time I really and truly felt sorry for her. She has pretty much gone no contact, and there are no calls for fathers day or birthdays. She doesnt really keep in contact with Munchkin SD12, who has turned into a sweet kid, actually. All of our relationships are better since Feral Eldest left. 

And I have a new office/she-cave to boot.

I think that really sucks that you were excluded from photos. A slap in the face. So they can post on Facebook, and look like it was a happy family excursion while they chatted with BM, and excluded you. Well, if DH wants to keep them in his life, so be it, but boundaries need to be established. Basics.

It is good to see you. I am happy to hear that at least there  has been a calming of your blended family situation and at least the ice has broken on a Cordial Strangership.

Rude women.  I would say a lifetime of estrangement is the answer.  They haven't learned a damn thing and you still feel excluded.  DH should not have allowed that to happen.  ugh