I have to say that putting you down as "mom" is wrong. I get that BM isn't around but you can't just pretend that you are mom. It would be slightly different if you and DH were married. It would be totally different if you were on legal paperwork siting that you had parental rights. BUT as of right now, you are disposable in your skid's life.... just like me, just like most of us. 

At least the school works with you and knows your value. 

Yah, I gotta co-sign the comment about about putting your information in the place for the bio mom.

I never put myself in any of that crap, we just left it blank and told the school we had no idea where she was. 

Even if/when you get married, you will still run in to this issue.   Stay in your lane on this one and let your boyfriend handle all of this.

The school isn't being stupid, it is making sure that a person who has no legal relationship to one of their students doesn't get access to them.

It's called being responsible

No school isn’t stupid.

School has to protect itself.  If you are allowed access to things, then everyone’s boyfriend and girlfriend should have access to everything.

In fact school would be wrong giving access to info to significant others.

Putting you as “mom” was very wrong as you aren’t mom and aren’t even married to dad. Why would you claim to be his “mom”? It’s deceiving,. Just because you think things should work certain way it doesn’t mean that’s how it should or would work. If you want online access, then use your SOs account. 

Its a shame that SO is not good staying on top of his sons Education but it doesn’t mean school has to give his girlfriend access (even if you are engaged, that’s nothing in the eyes of the law)

Is there any reason you need your own code? Why can’t you use dads? It seems like when it comes to everything else they aren’t stopping you. They just don’t want to have to generate 4+ codes for every child.

The kids’ school has a system where the teachers can post pictures of the classroom, notes about children’s daily behavior, contact parents directly as a whole or set for each child, and so on. I just use my partner’s code to access it so I can see the photos and keep up with dates. This same system can be used to contact the teacher directly but I leave that up to him because like you I’m not the children’s parent. That’s his role. I can still do everything else. I’m even apart of the PTA because they will take all the help they can get.

I had a friend once who went to pick her daughter up from school and her exes current girlfriend had come in and completely removed her from all the school forms and put her own name in the "mother" boxes, the girlfriend also tried to do this at the pediatricains office. That school was stupid for not checking to ensure that the girlfriend was a bio parent of the child.
So though it may appear stupid there are reasons schools must work so hard to ensure only the bioparents/legal guardians are listed for information.

to put yourself down as mom. That just is what it is and it opens up the school district to a ton of legal trouble if mom were to exercise her right to school information. Schools have to protect themselves and the students. Stepparents are typically put down as an emergency contact and given the ability to pick up but are not allowed access through online systems and such. You can use your husband's log in if you need the information. 

I'm raising the skids. Psycho is a useless POS. I'll be the one involved with school stuff. I get your frustration. I can sign things, I can volunteer, I now have all the rights at SD5's school. I'm still not allowed an online account either (so I use DH's). I don't understand either.

I think the weirdest thing was me finishing registration adn them telling me no. I had all her papers, social security card, vaccinations, etc. And while I partially get it. The other part of me says. I have all the documents... I'm just registering a kid for school... Not like I'm even checking them out and tkaing them somehwere. I have the kid with me for crying out loud...

I just use DH's code. My info is nowhere on SS's school stuff. 

However, the teachers and principal are always telling me things about SS that I don't think I should probably know. They know his mom is worthless, though. 

Yes, Virginia, there is a difference between being married and just being an SO, sometimes.  Maybe this isn't the best place to say this, but I sometimes I get PO'd when women who are just living with their SO and babysitting, try to act like they have equal legitimacy to a married SM.  I get that like a married SM they have made an emotional investment with DH and with his children; however, that begs the question as to what gives someone SM status?  Is it just hanging out at the guy's house and hanging out with his kids?  Or, is the full committment of a husband-wife relationship necessary to qualify for SM status?  I sure as H- don't blame schools for not giving any sort of nod to boyfriends and girlfriends regardless of whether they are living together or not.  How is the school supposed to keep track of who's on first this week?  Doesn't matter who filled out the forms.

Anyway, people can think what they want, but I've blogged here for years and my whole point of legitimacy for a SM is that she is married to her DH and deserves to be at least treated like her husband's wife, because that is who and what she is.  And, I know times are a changing and SOs, like SMs, come in all shapes and sizes  But, it really seems like a dig for all SMs when a SO comes here, and some even come here while DH is STILL MARRIED to BM, and acts like she/ SO should just instantly and automatically be given full SM or even BM status just because they are living with a guy, who has children.  Something just ain't right about that.  Yeah, like schools and everyone else are supposed to somehow just know who is shacking up this week and who isn't and which BM is a POS and which BM isn't and shools are supposed to have no problem deferring to the whim and will of bio-dad and his GF or bio-mom and her BF at the drop of a pin.  Not very realistic, to say the least.  Maybe in so-and-so's mind there is no difference between being married or not, but for pretty much everyone else, it is truly a logistical nightmare.

Schools follow federal FERPA law. Permission for step parents (grandparents, significant others, nannies, etc)  has to be authorized each year. It does not carry over from year to year. 

It can seem archaic and unfair when you know that you are the one doing the day to day work and the bio parent is nowhere to be found. But, the school needs to know that the situation is the same. They need to know that the bio parent continues to grant you the permission.

In one infamous case, the school followed the law and would not let the person who had been on the form before, pick up the child. However, the child went to after school day care, and the parent had not updated the form there, and day care let the person pick up the child based on last year's form and information. Google Emily Brendel Barrington RI and read why schools should take FERPA seriously.

I didn't accuse you of scheming.  I just asked.  And, considering it appears you had no problem putting yourself down as your child's mom on school paperwork, it was a question that should have been at least raised.

I agree I have not read much of your past blogs and believe me, I am very pro-SM.  However, having been heavily involved with both school systems and the healhcare system, I know fully well the legalities of mom vs. SM.  Many of the things you are claiming as justified rationale above, are things that have not happened yet.  They are things that you are just thinking will happen or should happen. 

You stated Schools are stupid in all caps with four exclamation points, largely because they didn't jump to embrace what YOU saw as your motherhood, no matter how you want to swing it.  If someone wanted to be POTUS and put that on a school form because they thought that was just around the corner for them, and the school refused to accept that label, would you think that person had any right at all to call them "stupid" for not accepting that proclamation?

And, I see above you already have your legal case settled and won, despite not having yet gone to court.  You are jumping the gun here.  Why?  Me and others are simply trying to get you to slow down and wait until you are at least a wife and SM and ideally legally mom before hurling insults at others for not "getting it."  And, yes, you should not be proclaiming in writing anywhere that you are this child's mother until that is legally the case.  Again, what you want the situation to be in your own home, is up to you and your DH and your SS.

I guess the legal person in me in this case overrode my pro-SM stance, because as much as I am for SMs and as much as I understand their struggles, I am not for jumping the gun and committing fraud in the name of anyone wanting to replace a BM so much, that she is putting "mom" labels on forms AND expecting others to blindly go along with that, else they are somehow STUPID!!!!  Wait until it is legal.  Your own home is a different issue.  Glad you had a good day today, 8/22.

Thank you for the explanation.  And I truly hope all turns out as you wish and for the best.