Hi.

I'm really lost right now. 

I have been dating on and off a widower for a year with three children aged 5,6,9. I have two boys aged 7 And 11.

My (now ex) has the children full time where as I have mine half of the week.

I took on his kids with open arms..I even visted their mum's grave at Christmas to support them. I played with them, chatted with them and treated them as my own. I also had my boys too and tried too treat all the kids the same which I did. I was fun and exciting. My ex doesn't have rules with his kids and they trash his house, they kick, spit , fight and name call their dad and my children.  Their dad also smacks the two boys a lot which I don't like. 

I have also had my ex call me nasty names too.

He says sorry and says he will make things right and he knows he needs to sort a routine with his kids as they stay up until 10pm most nights. But nothing really comes about. I did reward charts etc but my ex never followed it through so I stopped helping.  

I did notice he guilt tripped me over his children a lot  too and seemed to forget about my boys ? When myself and my boys stayed at his, his children would kick, hit and call my kids. I tried to be fair and tell all the kids it's wrong. I feel my ex put a lot of pressure on me to be mum to his kids. He didn't really like me doing my own thing and put his children on me emotionally a lot.

As the months have gone by his kids have gone worse and his 6 year old bullies my 11 year old! He calls him fat, ugly, I don't love him, he's rubbish at everything . My son knows he can't hit him as he's only 6...  His same son and his youngest does it to my yougest too. My son hits back but I then have to tell my son it's wrong to hit!  I tell my ex what his boys do and he just smacks them!? Yet with my boys it's toys taken away, time out, teach them right from wrong! 

Things got so bad last week on holiday because his 6 year old picked on my eldest so bad my eldest went mental at me. Turns out he was so angry and hurt at constantly being picked on. 

I approached my ex who called my son a big baby and started saying it's because my sons hates women he's angry. It hurt me very bad!!

Next day I went to the beach alone with my boys, had a great time too! But my ex followed with his kids near us...to top it off my ex bought his kids a toy beach rocket knowing my kids wanted one too. My boy's watched upset as they played asking why my ex just sorted his kids out?

We didn't speak for a couple of days as I was so upset. We eventually sat and spoke but his kids started again with mine. I can't tell his 6 year old as he just laughs at me. When my kids tell my ex what his son has done he turns a blind eye ...

It's been such an eye opener as to how he feels I should be with his kids 247 be their mum and feel their behaviour is acceptable? They don't clean up after their mess, have no toilet manners, greedy with sweets and food, trash the house...yet I teach my boys manners and my boys show it too as they are good boys on the whole.

We came back from holiday on Sunday. His two boys called each other fat, stupid, thick, fighting,  calling their dad stupid for 10 hours. They cried for drinks food , loo stops and they went crazy if it wasn't now... My boy's and his daughter just sat in the back behaving. 

My boys went to their dad's that evening and my eldest couldn't wait to go which hurt me.

The Monday we all saw each other again. My ex's kid started yet again on my son! My ex also undermined me with my other son and sweets. 

At this point I'd had enough! I could see how hurt and angry my eldest was! I text my ex saying I can't see you again  until you sort ur boys out! 

I was then called horrible, nasty, it's not his kids but mine and he called my eldest son and my youngest a liar. Today he asked if my boys were happy at his. I told him the truth and said no. Again my ex called me nasty names and blamed me and my children...

Turns out my ex had also organised a birthday party with another woman for his 6year old sons birthday and not told me too. My son's birthday is on the same day too...My son is with his dad though but my ex told me he was sorting my sons birthday and doing something my son doesn't even like!.. I think I'd had enough at this point??

So it turns out I walked away from the man I love to protect my children.  Funny though, I can't help think I've walked away to protect myself too because he can be nasty with words....

But can't still help but feel sad...Even though I know my kids have to come first in this instance.

I just want to talk to someone as my ex has made out I'm a bad person and he's a great parent. I think very differently.