Guess I Should Be Happy
Well, turns out the step kids did not pack for Friday so my DH arranged to pick them up Saturday (yesterday morning). Yeah for me!!!!! For kids who miss their daddy oh so much, it took them until almost 11am to text him and let him know thye were ready to be picked up. Ok, first issue from yesterday. Who is the adult here? I woild have told them, I will be there at x time, be ready when I get there. There is absolutely no accountability.
So, they arrive and that feeling in my gut worsens. My DH goes outside to work in the garage. Kids disappear into room, onto video games. Now, they know we always eat dinner around 5pm. The middle child comes out at 3pm and starts to get something for lunch. Her dad is right there but says nothing. She eats a large lunch. The youngest follows suit. I say nothing. I guess I am just feeling somewhat thankful they figured out how to make something.
So, I cook dinner and it is time to eat. Now, before you ask why I cooked, let me say that DH did help me and he put away clean dishes while I cooked. I start to think that discussiom we had a week or so ago actually resonated a bit with him. When dinner is ready, the two mentioned above are not hungry. Oh well, I say. My DH and I eat, I put the food away and clean dishes. Now, maybe I was being a bit passive agressive, but I am just fed up. I took the extra food and froze it. A few hours later, of course these two are hungry. Oh well, I think, cereal in the cupboard but DH lets them have ice cream. 
So, I start feeling a bit hopeful again as DH begins to tell them of the chores they need to do tomorrow (referring to today, Sunday). I am thinking, finally, they will do somethimg around here. Then he tells them they also need to empty their garbage because sometimes we forget to check. That is when I could no longer stay silent. Tell it like it is brother!!! I chimed in and said, "yes, I went in there and there was a horrible odor and I found your used, partially umwrapped period pads". Embarrased? Ohhh. They were but I do not care! They need to realize how disgusting they come across.
Then came discussion of the fact that we were going to run to my in-laws in the morning and the kids could go because they have not seen their grandparents in a while. DH assumed they would go. NOPE! Youngest could be bribed with a pastry. Girls, no way. They were not getting up before 11am to see anyone. So they stayed home...a fact that was not lost on their grandmother. The thing that makes me angry about this is that if there was something going on with their mom, or something they really wanted to do, they would have been up in a heartbeat. Little snots have no respect for their dad or his feelings.
So, these kids that wanted to see daddy oh so much, have been out of their rooms maybe a total of 2 hours since coming here yesterday. And here it is noon and no chores started...amd they are going home at 3pm. I should not complain, at least I do not have to see their faces.
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Yep same with skids. They are
Yep same with skids. They are always on their gadgets and DH is always off doing something other than spending time with his kids.
Yep
Are you watching me? Camera in my house? LOL That is it exactly. DH has been nappimg for almost 3 hours now. You think these damn kids are going to do anything productive while he is sleeping. HA HA! I have a better chance of being struck by lightning,
I don’t watch them because
I don’t watch them because they are teenagers. I do my own thing. I do nothing for his kids.
edit: lol I misread. Yep we live parallel lives!!!
Napping for 3 hours is just
Napping for 3 hours is just disgusting
Up until 5 months ago I put
Up until 5 months ago I put in a lot of effort towards his kids. Special outings, special food, time together, special gifts, make dinner, pack their stuff, drive them. Until his daughter said something awful to me and his son gave me attitude and he backed them up.. I stopped the next day. I separated my money the next day and bought my own place three weeks later with cash fr the sale of my home and I do not spend a dime on his children nor do I provide care for them ever. I also took back promises of Financial assistance for schooling and healthcare. Closed the skids savings accounts that I opened for them and put all the money into DDs account.
Separate Homes?
I really don't want it to come to the fact that I have to leave my home when his kids are here, but it's getting close. I'm hoping my pursuit of a job, I'm currently not working, will help solve some of my problems. You talk about the financial piece. I think that's what hurts me a lot down deep. I put money aside for my kids, a set amount of money, that I told them I would give them as tuition reimbursement. But, when the money was gone, it is gone. Then, like I had to, they're going to have to figure out a way to pay for their college. They're both very hardworking individuals, going to school full time and working part time. I put that money away years before I met my DH. But now, his oldest daughter is reaching the point where she will graduate high school this next year. So he's telling her we will help her too. The only problem is, he didn't have much money put away when I met him. When we bought the house we are in now, I used the profit I made from my home that I sold in my home state to purchase this one. Granted, I'm not working, and for the past year or a little more he's managed to make sure we make the mortgage payments and pay all our other bills. But still, to think that we are going to dip into the money that I brought into this relationship in order to support his kids through college makes me sick. I don't think it's fair and I have to find a way to tell him this. I'm very close to opening up a separate savings account so I can move the majority of the money out of the joint one. I don't know what this would do to him, but I'm feeling at this point I have to look out for me. There's so much going on in our relationship, mainly where these kids are concerned but in a few other areas too, that I don't know if this marriage is going to last. It's hard to say that, and it's probably sad for me to say that but I have to be honest with myself. I've seen patterns in this marriage that I saw my first marriage and I stayed in that one 13 years. I'm not about to do that again.
Seperate your money and watch
Seperate your money and watch out for you and your biokids.
Second this strongly. It’s
Second this strongly. It’s very entitled of him to think your money that you saved for your child will go toward his kids.
They have a mom and it’s not you. Is their mom outing money toward your DD’s education? Didn’t think so.
More to the point...is your DH putting money toward your DD’s education? Then why on earth does he expect that what’s yours is for his kids? Insane.
There is no way in HECK that
There is no way in HECK that your savings, set aside to help yur children, should go to his daughter. She is HIS responsibility, not yours. Keep a tight grip on those accounts and do not allow him to steal a single penny from yours to subsidize HIS. You SD has two parents and it's up to them to help her (if they should so choose). Nobody should be expecting you to deprive your children of their tuition money.
I might even go as far as to explain to DH that if he takes a cent from your savings accounts that you will consider it theft ... and report it.
Don't let him get away with this, please don't. Remember that your children are your priority.
I wish the skids that come
I wish the skids that come invade my space had their own room. I have 3 that have been here since the beginning of June in a small one bedroom. They eat, sleep, play in my living room and I have to sit in my room all day and night. Luckily, they’ll be leaving in less than 2 weeks and I’ll have my life back and my home in order. Good luck to you... skids are never pleasant to be around. They take advantage of their part time parent and seem to get away with murder!
Feel for You
I feel for you, being in that small of a space with that many people is never easy. We had to do that a year ago Christmas when we were transitioning to our new home. We were in a small two-bedroom apartment, but at the time my biological kids were staying with us too. The step kids came and stayed for 2 1/2 weeks. So that meant 8 people in this small two-bedroom apartment. The stepkids slept i the living room/dining room area. And to make matters worse, if the oldest was awake by noon we would be lucky, So everyone had to step around her. It was freaking amazing. Well, I was bad, I probably made the most noise, especially when I was leaving for work. But, thank God I had my job to escape to during that time. I wish you the best!! Good that you're going to find relief soon! Hang in there!
Chef
used to doze off and his brats would run feral. Or he'd be off doing something and never supervise his ferals. Im surprised they didn't cut off a limb or something during their entitlement training...errrr visitation
Now granted Chef himself was raised feral because his elderly parents could no longer give a rat's ass after raising so many children.
They were exhausted and by the time Chef came along, he just ran wild but he wasn't raised in an environment where one parent was scrutinizing everything that was happening and waiting to sue the pants off the other parent should some bodily injury occur.
And don't get me started with the ice cream Chef would always give them heaping bowls of ice cream just before bedtime after they didn't eat their dinner.
Chef Sounds Great ;-)
Chef sounds great! LOL I think my DH has partially given up and partially has no idea how to deal with these children. Granted, they are very immature, all of them, for their ages. My one son and his gf came to visit a couple weeks ago. She thought the 12 year old was 8, at best. That should tell ya something. As I was saying, they are very immature. And, DH treats them like they are babies. He sometimes even baby talks to them....I kid you not. It's like he feels bad about being away (I get it, but he was also gone to help pay child support that BM should have been using on them - don't even get me started on that) so he will not be stern with them. Ugh! So so so so so so so FRUSTRATING!!!!
Ha, I try to disengage with
Ha, I try to disengage with my SD as much as possible but I can so relate on the subject of skid supposedly missing daddee or needing daddeee time and that just being a line of BS! When my SD visits every other weekend or her 1-2 days a week it is always, "can I go see if neighbor girl is home, can I stay the night with neighbor girl, can neighbor girl stay the night here" and then most of the time in her room (which I actually like b/c when she isn't in her room she is trying way to hard to get attention...interupts everyone...always trying to make herself the focal point). Anyways, I don't buy the missing daddeee/needing daddeee time so much anymore since when she has the time she doesn't even try to use it. Unless she sees him paying attention to someone else and wants to show she is #1 and make it into a competition. I DREAD SD time!!!!!