It Is A Mixed Bag
So.......2 of the 3 skids arrived this afternoon while I was at work. They got here at 2:30pm. I get a text at work frpm DH at 3pm that he is taking a nap. Really? Yoir kids have not been here for 2 weeks then 1/2 hoir in you are napping? The pit in my stomach forms.
I get home and find a pleasant suprise, dinner is ready. One point recovered for DH. I told him thank you for dinner. I clean up dishes. Kids are dead silent, which I guess I should not complain about. After a bit, DH asks if I would like to go to dinner tomorrow for my bday (which is Saturday). Sure, I said. Then he tells me he invited step daughter's BF. Really? To my birthday dinner? I have met him once! Then step daughter asks what restaurant we are going to....apparently BF doesn't want to go if he doesn't like restaurant. Oh well..,,fricking entitled brats!!! I told her I will not know until tomorrow afternoon where I want to go. Passive agressive much? Yes, I know.
So, we have 2 dogs...one has been staying home while I am at work. Other cannot hold it that long, so he is going to doggy daycare. DH asked if I wanted to leave young one at home since skids are here. Hell, they cannot take care of themselves let alone make sure the puppy goes out frequently enough to avoid accidents. I told him such, which did not go over well. Truth hurts I suppose.
So DH decides to go to bed at 8pm and leave me alone with skids. It is one of the VERY rare occassions that skids are not in their rooms. Stepson is out watching football game I am watching. I have no desire to engage with him. Stepdaughter is lurking.....she has this thing where she does not like to sit so instead she lurks and paces behind the couch where I sit.....drives me fricking nuts!!!!!
So, I sit in utter silence, waiting for sleepiness to overtake me so I can go to bed. Ugh...going to be a looooooong weekend. Thank God I work tomorrow!!!!
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Are you sure you want to go
Are you sure you want to go to dinner tomorrow? I think I'd feign digestive distress and go on a night with no skids.
Oh I Have Thought About That
Ohhhhhh, trust me, I thought about that this morning lol. I am seriously considering this.
I don't understand these men
I don't understand these men that try to include their kids on things that we want to celebrate alone with our DH's. I guess they are just oblivious or just want to include the skids in everything so that they don't feel left out. My DH always tries to get me to do things with the skids all the time. He doesn't get the hint that I want to be around his kids as least as possible since I am gone most of the time they are there now. Plus it gives him time to spend with them without me. I think that is important for a parent to spend alone time with their kids without the SP. Any way, if it was me I would've told my DH that I do not want to spend my birthday dinner with his kids. LOL
No Skids Allowed
Right? I don't understand DH is obsession with me doing things with his kids, especially when he doesn't do much with them. We got into it a few months ago and I ended up telling him to stop trying to force the bonding, the relationship between us. I told him it was doing nothing but making me uncomfortable and probably making his kids uncomfortable. I said if it's not going to happen naturally I don't want it to happen at all. And quite frankly, I don't really wanted to happen anyway. I feel no attachment to them whatsoever and find myself disengaging more and more when they're here, which is fine with me.
It will be interesting because we just bought this old motorhome, and it is sleeps my DH and I. But, he's adamant that the kids are going to go on a camping trip with us. I said how the hell you going to do that? He said oh they can just stay in a tent. For one thing, these kids are going to be scared to death sleeping outside, alone without their daddy by them. So even if they start on the 10th they're going to end up inside that motorhome. I really want to tell him just take your kids and go by yourself and bond with them. It's almost like he's afraid to bond with them without me being around. I also agree that the parent having time with her kids is important, but he always seems to want to drag me into it. Sometimes I want to scream and say they're your f****** kids go deal with them!!!
I feel no attachment towards
I feel no attachment towards my skids either. DH says that I am a nazi and they are afraid of me. So I am a nazi because I don't let them get away with crap. It's called lazy parenting. I am gone on the weekends that the skids are there now and DH is in his room laying down watching TV while the skids are in their rooms. I don't get it at all. We have a camper that sleeps 8 people and it is hate going when DH has the skids. They constantly go in and out and leave the camper door open and all they do is complain but yet DH says that they so much fun!! YEAH RIGHT! I feel your pain SilentlyCoping!
Feel Yoir Pain Too
That is exactky it! No discipline. On the rare occasion he does discipline his kids, he lifts it within an hour or two because he feels guilty I guess. It drives me nuts. Then I think he tries to make me feel guilty when he sees I am not engaging with them. He says oh, my kids adore you! . No they don't, they have no connection with me. They barely have a connection with their father. I wonder why they even come here They are his because most of the time, as I have said before, they are in their room and DH is out doing something in the garage or napping, Given what hapoens when thet are here, I do not see a ifference if they were here or not.
It's almost like he's afraid
This cracks me up. I hate it for you (I hate it for me, too) but it borders on the absurd on part of the mens so its laughable.
I'm 99% sure this learned helplessness with SO isn't so much a forcing the relationship between myself and skids but exactly this... that he's afraid of his own unimpressive offspring.
I think requiring our presence serves several (selfish) purposes but ultimately, in my case, it comes down to this:
He doesn't want to deal with them by himself because he would then have to do so without a distraction and without a scapegoat.
And it's scary to admit that he doesn't particularly enjoy his kids and yet somehow still instinctively loves them. What isn't understood is that I already see it, already don't care and that it's his dirty little secret to come to terms with.
Forcing me into the miserable mix so I can be ignored and annoyed doesn't change any of that. In fact, it frays the emotional security blanket I apparently personify. If he's not careful this one will get all dirty and worn from the abuse and need to be replaced. Lol
Why would he think that you
Why would he think that you want a birthday dinner with his kids and the BF?
I Have No Idea
I have no idea! I honestly think it's because he knows I think he should do the cooking when his kids are here, as I feel it's only right since they're his kids. And by going out to dinner that relieves him of the need to have to do it. Sounds sad, but I believe that's the reason.
Ask him if he understands the
Ask him if he understands the concept of a "date night". Ask him whether a birthday wouldn't be an excellent idea for a date night. Then ask him why he feels the need to drag a couple of kids between you. Maybe also ask if he's afraid to spend quality time with you ...
Personally, I wouldn't go. If he wants to have dinner with his daughter and her bf then let him. And I'd order in a nice Thai meal and watch a movie
Mmmmmmm.....Thai Food
That would be a marvelous idea actually. The best birthday gift I could have is to be alone to tell you the truth. This is just another attempt from him to have me bond with his kids, but the sad part is it's all forced. It's just on natural feeling whatsoever.
I honestly don't think he's afraid to spend alone time with me, but I will tell you he's not the most outwardly affectionate or loving person. I believe he loves me, but sometimes you have to drag affection out of him, that drives me crazy too. When we first met he was very affectionate and loving and attentive. As time goes by, not so much. I understand that that initial, honeymoon sort of passion, dies down a little over the years, but we've only known each other for three years, been married for a little over one year, so I wouldn't expect the flame to be extinguished just yet. Yes, we're both getting older, and things may not work as good as they used to, but with a little effort and desire, you can make anything work, right? But, unfortunately you need to have that from both sides. I don't always feel that from him, that's the bottom line. That's why sometimes I wonder if I'm where I need to be, but I do love my DH and I believe he loves me. Just trying to find that connection between him and I as well.
Now you've got me craving Thai food.
He doesn't want to spend
He doesn't want to spend quality time with his kids, either!
Next, he will be staying home and letting OP and his kids go to her birthday dinner.
I can kind of see why the
I can kind of see why the skid smight be invited to the birthday dinner (not because you want them there but because they're in town... Still not ideal...) but the boyfriend? That just seems inconsiderate... It's a day to celebrate YOU! So why is your DH expecting you to deal with someone you don't even know for the sake of SD? It's not her day... It's YOURS...
I'd do like aniki and be "sick." I might even go so far as to just munch on crackers and sip gatorade for the evening... LMAO
Alternative
You can say "Hun, the more I think about it, the more I'd rather stay in. If you really want to celebrate me, I'd really love for you to make my favorite meal."
Pick a really disgusting
Pick a really disgusting restaurant for the skids to go to. (at least for them ) When they turn it down, offer them pizza delivery and a movie night at home while Dh and you go out.
He has no problem leaving them alone when he's in the house, he sure can leave them alone to celebrate your birthday for a few hours. Just because BM is playing favorites this weekend, doens't mean you have to suffer skid drama.
Put your foot down. I would.