I completely dislike the stepchild.
i must admit that I completely dislike how much I hate the Stepchild, the minute I hear his vehicle coming back from picking up this child my stomach turns inside out ; begins cramping and diarrhea for sure!!! His voice, laugh, gestures and social expressions gets under my skin. I seriously thought I could tolerate his son but the more he visits every wkend the less I like him. Although he is a good child but I can’t stand when the BM insist for me to treat him as he was my own. I can’t stand he is a 8yo boy trying to act like and adult. Growing up I was told never interrup adults conversations. He loves to get on others business. My wkends has became so discustingn when he is around. On mother’s day wkend his dad got upset because I finally vomited how much his son gets on my nerves. I don’t appreciate his BM insist to shove him in my life as he was my own. Lil’ she knows that I already know her game. She is planning for me to raise her son. I’m sorry but she still responsible to provide affection to the child not my responsavib
my 15yo twins will not and won’t babysit. Reason why I don’t have no more kid. Anyways, that still upset, I made up my mind, if he dicides to call it quit ; I’m all for it. I don’t need this shit in my life.
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Bubblyiz, do you think
Bubblyiz, do you think perhaps its not so much that you dislike the child but the way he behaves when he's in your home? He may have certain manners, characteristics, or behaviors that you just don't care for or agree with. Did you express to H that you don't want to be forced to parent his child but would be ok in being supportive in other ways. It may be overwhelming for you since you have 15 year old twins and it can create negative feelings. Again, I don't know what goes on in your day to day life just giving you another alternative of looking at it. I do know that sometimes you just don't like a certain individual for obvious reasons.
Empathy
I know it's hard... but imagine being 8 and having to go somewhere where there is someone in charge that hates you? Imagine if your DH told you he hated your twins? Empathy.. you need to figure out how to have some for someone other than yourself..lol.
Now, there are behaviors that you can work on. Interupting is one of them. "SS, please do not interrupt when adults are speaking, I will be with you in a moment". As far as his mother thinking you should love him as your own?? You don't have to and she has no power over your. Just ignore. Your only responsibility might be to ensure he doesn't die on your watch..lol. But seriously, he has two parents, YOU don't need to be his loving 3rd.. you can still be an authority figure in the home without being maternal to him. BUt, you may find that your reluctance to be close or nice to him may be what is prompting some of his actions.. trying to gain your attention/affection. Also, parents respond poorly to criticism of their kids.. especially when framed as in the kid is "unlikable". You can discuss behaviors that need to change... because it will help the kid in life etc.. and life skills.. to help them in the future.. but telling them that their kid is annoying AF .. nope.. not gonna get you any positive response... only a wedge in your relationship.
I know you have two kids of your own.. it shouldn't be hard to be busiy with their activities and let your DH parent his child. Step in with correction in a kind and firm way when needed but you don't need to be his primary caretaker and certainly can't be expected to "love him as your own"... that is just really never possible.. I don't htink you can replace the biological bond in a step relationship.