We pay a mortgage payment worth of payments because of the debt she took out in DH's name... Causing us to have to live with DH's parent's, gave him a black mark on his credit score too when she got her car repossesed.... Meanwhile she doesn't wrk and mooches off her bf, all while pulling the "poor pregnant and single mother." Facebook is FILLED with pictures of the skids, that she NEVER sees, and everyone sits there telling her how awesome she is, while we raise them full time and fudn their lives and never see a penny from her...

Also she posted images of that party she wasn't invited to all over Fakebook apparently... Took credit for a party I literally took months to save for so that we could take them to a trampoline park... And also, she wasn't invited... So then she spent the party pulling them off the trampolines to take pictures, while I was physically avoiding her so I wouldn't accidentally trip and break her nose... I paid for them to jump... The party was supposed to be about SD5, and she was trying to make it all about her... Again...

My favorite was when she called on her birthday to "talk to the girls." Talked to them for about five seconds, then boom, started demanding money from DH... Thankfully his response was "it's not my problem you're broke." and then hung up. LOL

I understand the resentment but your husband allows BM to treat him like a babysitter and an ATM.

I remember YEARS ago, BM over here tried to guilt DH into letting her drop SD off with us so that she could go on a date. "You mean, you don't want to spend time with your daugher?"

DH told her he would see SD that weekend.

As far as the money, DH paid CS (which was figured a little higher than it should have been), and he gave BM no extra money for anything (from day one) and was careful about what he spent on SD. He did not have a lot of money back then and he was adamant about paying bills first.

If you two are struggling, financially, your husband needs to cut back any extras. I know a lot of dad's try to buy their kids' love and they think that money can overcome alienation but it doesn't work.

Your husband has got to stand up to her, it's the only way that she's going to back off. He has to finally get so sick of it, that he puts a stop to it. He has to stand up to his kids and be able to tell them, "No", as well.

Well, BM has a much better house, lives in a much better neighborhood, dresses better than I do, and is able to provide SD with things that I cannot provide for my children. This is despite the fact that she has never worked, and I've worked since age 14. She has convinced everyone in her own and DH's family that they need to financially support her and SD because DH supposedly ruined her life. I am jealous. But, I realize that I chose the life I have and can choose to leave it. When I'm ready, I probably will. 

It's hard not to put too much time and energy into thoughts like this, but they are not productive. If we focus %90 of our effort on ourselves and improving our lives and no more than 10% ruminating about things that are unfair, our circumstances will gradually change for the better.

Correct place to rant!   I take what you say in the spirit that it is a rant to get it off your chest because you feel irked.

The only thing you can do is control how you feel and attempt to improve your own circumstances - and you are already doing that. You and DH may have to work on the way she treats you - put up boundaries. If she is getting away with treating you guys like an ATM or babysitting service, then to some extent you are allowing it. This you can change and may help ease the resentment you feel.

I have never compared myself to BM - I am not her and wouldnt want to be anything like her.
. Even in your situation, she is a thankless user. She may live in the better part of town, but she surely isnt the better person. Your struggles are your own.  We all have them in various forms. Don't compare yourself or your life to hers - all that glitters is not gold.

I mercifully do not have to deal with that because both SO and BM have the same paycheck to paycheck existence.  They share custody 50/50 and there is no CS.  If there was, I don't know how SO could survive, since he's pretty much hand to mouth as it is.

Tank, is your DH paying extras he's not CO-required to do?  I would be resentful of that, or of excessive spending on skids by DH, if BM was living a lavish lifestyle and we were struggling.  But if she's living in a better neighborhood and has more stuff simply because she or a spouse has a better paying job, and not because she's sucking the life out of her former spouse or getting more than court ordered CS, I could deal with that better.  I am horrified at some of the blogs I read where one family is working hard and struggling and the other is doing A-OK with massive CS and not even working.  I really do think that a lot about our family court system is broken, and it breeds resentment.

I don't know if I'd call it resentment or jealousy. Maybe disgust? Ok, I am resentful that she got to keep SD away for 3 years then badmouthed him in court for no good reason other than to keep her CP title to boost her ego. And I am resentful that DH kisses her ass just to see his kid and would rather keep her happy for 6 more years but he's still under her thumb so is it really worth it? I guess it is to him but I vowed to NEVER trust her again and I won't speak to her besides maybe a hello at an event.

Also, she remains unmarried and works a job that pays maybe $25K a year, claims HOH on taxes for 2 kids and gets government assistance such as Medicaid and foodstamps. I think she is despicable, but she's not the only one living that way so why am I not indifferent?

I really need to learn indiffernce for my own mental well-being, but it really is difficult given the past that I will never forgive.

ETA She also got an almost brand new, paid off SUV when DH moved out after he found out of her long time affair. He left all the furniture that HE bought, and the brand new BBQ grill that her baby daddy now gets to enjoy.

We have the opposite problem. Our BM has 8 kids...only two of them are DH's kids. We work very hard to provide for our three kids that live here. We live in a nice house, but we definitely dont take luxury vacations or buy designer clothes/etc.  But BM goes all over FB ranting about how DH never pays for his kids and how we live the "good life." One of them lives with us 90% of the time. And even though CS ended years ago, DH sends a check each month for SD12.  We live on less than I'd like but we are usually comfortable.  BM, on the other hand, lives in poverty. She only has custody of five kids but they live in a 3 bedroom single wide trailer. Her mom also lives there so it is super crowded and filthy.  She refuses to work and both women collect SS and food stamps. Its very sad but she has the whole world convinced that my DH is a deadbeat who doesnt care about his kids. Its sickening how these women seem to get away with so many lies. I will never understand why so many women refuse to work, especially if they are struggling.

I get this.  BM doesn't complain but she sure doesn't like covering extras by herself.  She got the townhome in the divorce, which didn't have a huge mortgage, plus the rental apartment below it.  Plus a TON of money from DH's retirement/college savings, which HE alone had to pay the taxes on.  Her high-powered, expensive divorce atty was paid for by her dad, so she had no debt there either.  Her brother/family often funds yearly family trips so she doesn't always have to pay to visit family either.  She works in education, makes good money, plus contracting work (she's a public employee so we have access to her pay records).  Gets all school holidays off, plus summer.  DH makes $20k less per year, has all the divorce debt, plus pays CS, it's not a lot but enough added on to everything else. 

So yes, he's bitter.  And also why I refuse to add the SDs ever again to my insurance plan - I did that for a while to assist DH but when I found out the CO states BM must cover that I dropped them at open enrollment last year, becuase she also thought it was "my duty" to pay the whopping $70 per month for them - um, nope.  And she also thought it was my obligation to help pay for their college.  After I stopped laughing, DH told her, NOPE.

Our BM likes to ACT like she has a lot of money, but then complains DH doesn't give her enough.  I remember the last time she and DH went to SS's nephrologist, she spent the entire time talking to her mother on the phone about how her husband had just taken her and SS shopping, how they couldn't decide if they should go to Cancun or Puerto Vallarta on vacation, how he wanted to replace her phone because hers was already a year old and he was so worried about her needing it in an emergency and not getting reception or whatever.  Then when it came time to pay the bill, she told DH that she didn't have a dime and could he also spot her for the medication and would we mind giving her a ride home (note, we brought SS to the appointment as it was on our day and I'm not sure exactly why she came to the appointment as she spent most of the appointment on the phone in the hall).  She is forever asking him to cover things and she'll "pay him back," and when he deducts her debt from CS, she cries to anyone and everyone who will listen that he is a deadbeat and he never gives her enough money.  DH and I have been doing pretty well for the last couple of years since I was offered a pretty great job and we moved out of state, and we were able to take SS on vacation for the first time EVER.  Well as soon as BM heard about it she immediately started telling DH he needs to give her more CS and actually just filed papers to have CS increased.  Little does she know, I paid for that vacation and the reason we are doing so well is because of MY job.  Good luck getting money out of ME!

Karma has a way of dealing with that. CS ends and if BM has never learned to live within her means or how to earn money, it doesn’t take long for her to figure it out. 

BM got rid of DH but basically kept his income, for the kids you know. Once I came into the picture and he cut back to what he should actually be paying. BM had to get a job, she screamed and ranted and raved but there wasn’t much else she could do.

In all honesty, he was crippling her by giving her so much money. She was in her late 40s when CS ran out. If he’d kept giving her the amount he had been she never would have gone to school and gotten a carreer.

She still over spends and lives waaaaaay over her means but at least it’s her money, not DHs!