SO and I went to the police about a month and a half ago regarding hers and the bf's removal, and indicated that she is abusive and dangerous, but they were not really interested in hearing what they deemed to be "personal problems" after they asked if both kids had registered mailing addresses in our home.  We said yes, and we were brushed off immediately and told that this has now become a civil matter, and any allegations of so-called abuse are only hear-say.  We mentioned the physical abuse of the boyfriend, hitting him, pushing him, and the one evening when she burnt him with one of her cigarettes on purpose.  They said the boyfriend has to go in and claim abuse - they can't take it from us to be true or to deal with it unless she does it to one of us.  She has not yet crossed that line with SO or me, despite that one evening that she wanted to get me with a couple of her friends - but that too, was calculated in that she planned already to use the friends as backup witnesses to say that I started something and they only defended themselves from me.

This ended up intimidating SO and me more, and then I tried reaching out to the superintendent of the school division since BM is a teacher aid and both she and the school counselor had sent SO texts threatening that they would call child services on him and have his reputation tarnished, because at that time she wanted that horse from me.  They threatened SO that if he kicked SD18 out or if he did not convince me to give in on the horse, that they would back allegations of abuse of SD18 in our care.  BM only threatened him verbally, but the counselor sent him a message by text, that he has saved on his phone.  I emailed the superintendent with this information and our fears, and the superintendent then forwarded my email and his response onto BM and the counselor, berating me for divulging so much of our personal life to a total stranger, and saying that I had no substantive evidence of work related misconduct on the part of the two staff members indicated.  We were horrified - and this only further escalated the dangerous threats and reckless behavior since BM immediately relayed this all back to SD18 and encouraged her to act out even more in our home.  SO has become so afraid of his daughter and the possible repercussions of doing anything she does not like, that it has now led to us splitting up and me moving out.

I've tried to convince him to take the text from the counselor to the police or to children services or someone because there has to be SOMEONE that won't back up this miserable girl - but he's way too afraid now, after the way BM and the school counselor cornered him.

Kind of a strange happening.

BM barged into our home Saturday night at half past eleven while we had company over and sat on the deck drinking and visiting.  She'd taken SD18 and her bf on Friday night after SD18 got her wisdom teeth pulled, since SD18 would need professional-grade round the clock care and that was something we were deemed incapable of providing.  The kids were supposed to be returned Saturday afternoon but never showed, and then we ended up with company and forgot about it, assuming kids were just going to spend another night with BM.  Shocked were we, when some of our company looked past us into the kitchen from the deck, and pointed out to my partner that his ex-wife was standing at our stove, in our kitchen, cooking!?  We didn't have the chance to react and SD18 stepped out onto the deck and told him to get his A$$ inside as her mother wanted a word with him.  He asked her what the hell BM was doing standing in our kitchen and said she needs to leave, and SD18 snottily answered with, "My house, my mom, she's got my permission to be here." and then she stormed back into the house before anyone could react.  My partner stood up, followed SD18 into the kitchen, and suddenly yelled at BM - surprising all of us sitting outside, since we could hear him yelling over the music.  He told her to get the f%^k out of his kitchen before he called the cops and SD18 yelled something at him and he actually yelled at her to shut the eff up!  He even told her it's NOT her f*&king house and if she ever brought this woman back into his house again that she would be out on her a$$ that instant!

BM and SD18 were out of the kitchen instantly, and I could see him follow them down to our front porch.  I guess BM had come in to cook something soft for SD18 since she skipped supper due to the pain, but was now hungry enough to want to try and eat.  So all drama aside - he got the low down on SD18's teeth and pain and meds and what she could and could not eat, and then he rejoined us outside.

SD18's bf ended up finishing cooking whatever BM had started cooking for her, and the two went to bed.  Our company all went home pretty quickly afterward, and we went to bed.

Then yesterday, my partner informed me as we got up in the morning, that SD18's bf approached him and asked to be taken to town for groceries, as a way to speak with him alone.  It was interesting that this came up, since my partner has continually told me he was planning to confront the bf about moving out soon but I didn't believe that he would follow through.  So they went to town together and SD18 stayed in her room, embarrassed by her fat face from the surgery, and I went outside and raked and did yardwork for a while.  They finally returned around 5 o'clock.

My partner sat down with me on the deck, and began telling me about this most GLORIOUS talk he'd had with the bf - exactly the way he had rehearsed it, to tell the bf that he needs to find a new place PRONTO and he needs to not involve SD18 or BM in any way - just act like this was his idea and that's it.  SD18 would go with him, by her own choice, and my partner would not look like an asshole for kicking them out and I would not suffer the backlash.  I listened to him but I didn't really believe that he had legitimately had this conversation since he has lied to me about talking with kids or setting boundaries before...  And then the bf came and sat with us on the deck and the two began talking about it right in front of me!  SD18 stayed locked in her room, so the bf came down just to go over some details.  

We had a really long and open talk about everything - we asked the bf about her abusing him, and what he was going to do about it.  He swears it's not as bad as it appears to us - and he said that he actually did warn her of calling the police on her if she continues - he says she is doing better (I'll believe that when I see it.) but he also opened up about some secrets we knew nothing about, like BM repeating the bribery of a new car like she did with SD21, and encouraging SD18 to act out so miserably in our home to push me out.  He said that SD18 went for the bribe head first, but is getting really pressured by BM since I still haven't left yet and he said it's been causing a ton of stress for SD18 - my partner was horrified by this - he asked why SD18 doesn't just quit with it then if she's so stressed out, and the bf said it's because now BM has literally been spoiling the crap out of SD18 and being super lovey and motherly, like SD18 has never seen from her before, so he said now she's feeling obligated to carry out the misbehaviors in our home even more than before.  He agrees with getting an apartment and forcing his own way out of our house in the hopes and assumption that SD18 will follow him out, and be able to get herself out of the mess that she and BM have created.  He warned my partner and I to be very cautious of our words and actions as indeed, he admitted that SD18 does text everything back to BM word for word, sometimes even including secret pictures she snapped with her phone.

So, that was a shocker.  But my partner made a pretty bold move - I was actually a little impressed.  

It's left me thinking about things a little more openly, since I had taken on a very anti-SD18 stance when this all started.  I'm honestly not sure what to think or how to even bother with this, or just simply stay my course despite my partner's protests..