DH thinks SS is a sociopath....
DH thinks that OSS is a sociopath just like BM. He told me this yesterday on our way to go to watch SS's last band concert. When I first moved in with DH SS used to tell me all sorts of crap. I figured it was to try to get me to leave and I was right. He used to tell me that DH cheated on BM and that he never paid a dime in CS until BM took him to court. He also used to say how much he hated DH to everyone that would pay attention to him. I just didn't pay attention well now he is doing the opposite and DH thinks it's because he wants something.
He is being really nice to DH texting him and calling him which he never did until now. Do you think that maybe he is just growing up or do you think the kid is up to something like DH says? I don't know if the kid is really a sociopath. I just think that maybe he is just loyal to BM and not to DH. I still don't trust SS of course and I never will but I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.
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There are a lot of other
There are a lot of other traits to consider besides "charm" if you can call SS "charming".
I wouldn't call SS charming.
I wouldn't call SS charming. I would say that he is loyal to BM and is either up to something or he wants something from DH.
Yeah I am glad he recognizes
Yeah I am glad he recognizes SS isn't an angel but I wonder if SS is up to something.
None of that says, "sociopath
None of that says, "sociopath", but he is a manipulator, just like a lot of other kids of divorce. Even in intact families, kids learn how to manipulate and play both parents to get what they want.
There is a lot more to sociopathy than manipulation.
I was just going to say the
I was just going to say the same thing. Is BM diagnosed sociopath, or is DH just throwing that term around because it sounds serious?
Because if he really believes his kid is a "sociopath" and hasn't put him in intensive therapy or done jack all about it...I would lose all respect for him.
He is probably trying to
He is probably trying to manipulate his way into getting something he wants ..
Have you read up on Cluster B personality disorders?
Tankh, every time you discuss your BM, my mind ticks off characteristics on the Cluster B checklists, which "are characterized by dramatic, overly emotional or unpredictable thinking or behavior. They include antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder." (Mayo Clinic)
Children who grow up with parents who are Cluster B can have significant impairments, which could explain some of your SS's behavior. They're groomed to supply their narc parent with all the attention and loving that she needs--until she tells them to stop. The result is children that try to anticipate every move and manipulate people into doing what they need or want because they learn to control, not relate, because all they understand is control.
DH's and my therapists are convinced that our BM is Cluster B, most likely narcissistic (though they can't diagnose her, of course). They're not even allowed to have opinions unless she OKs it. My guess is that your skids are in the same boat.
You know I never thought that
You know I never thought that BM could have one of these disorders but there is really nothing that can be done about to make BM get diagnosed either correct? So in other words the skids suffer and so does DH. DH said that everything that comes out of BM's mouth was a lie when they were together.
You're right, there's really
You're right, there's really nothing to be done, other than to learn to expect the level of crazy that she spews. The irony of the cluster bs, especially the narcs, is that everyone around them ends up in therapy, even though they're the ones with the problem.
"When I first moved in with
"When I first moved in with DH SS used to tell me all sorts of crap. I figured it was to try to get me to leave and I was right. He used to tell me that DH cheated on BM and that he never paid a dime in CS until BM took him to court. He also used to say how much he hated DH to everyone that would pay attention to him. I just didn't pay attention well now he is doing the opposite and DH thinks it's because he wants something."
I don't think anything you have relayed here paints OSS as a sociopath. All the behaviors are very explainable. Bad mouthing his dad? Well, one, he was parroting things he heard from his mother I'm sure. PLUS... he was trying to do the equivalent of licking the ice cream cone so no one else would want it. It's not sociopathic to be jealous of dad's new girlfriend and wanting her to go away. It's selfish and immature but whether the reason was hope his parents would reconcile or wanting to keep his dad to himself... it's not a mental illness. The telling people he hates his dad? Well, I'm quite certain that mommy has instilled in him that his father was to blame for the marriage breakup.. and perhaps he was.. maybe he did cheat... no way for you to know that for certain... but obviously mommy was sharing inappropriate information or stories with the kids. Whether she did it because she is sick in the head or was so bitter at her EX that she wanted to hurt him..or just wanted to have her kids like her more.. who knows the root cause.
Now the boy is being nice.. maybe he is tired of drama..but yeah.. it's possible he does want something and it will be apparent sooner rather than later. I remember being 12 and hearing that my summer riding camp would lease out the horses over the winter. I knew that we moved a lot so owning a horse wasn't a possibility. BUT.. my preteen logical brain thought... Maybe we could just lease the pony I rode during the summer over the winter.. Not ownership because the pony could always go back to the camp. So.... I put on my best responsible kid act and cleaned our back porch and storage shed.. I got it looking all perfect and my mom was so surprised... then I sprung my idea on her and got turned down flat. I mean, now, as an adult, I understand the cost and time involved, but I was a kid who for the most part had a miserable existence at that time. I went to a private school that had a bunch of stuck up girls and didn't have but one friend... and she lived too far away from us so we could rarely hang out. And... the only thing I loved and wanted was a horse.. that was it. I took lessons once a week on saturday morning and honestly... I probably wouldn't have survived the 3 years in that school if I hadn't had that. The teachers were even bullies... I remember my 8th grade math teacher took my math book and kept it from me without telling me she had it... because I forgot it in her classroom. Another teacher accused me of having my parents write my history paper.. which they hadn't. It was just a horrid experience filled with girls that DID have the things I didn't.. ponies, designer clothes etc.. Shoot, my mom actually sewed some of my dresses.. I did NOT fit in. But, I don't think I was a sociopath for trying to be nice to get something I wanted.. that's just fairly normal behavior.
I get that you are saying. I
I get that you are saying. I personally just think the kid wants something and that at first he said all these negative things to me because I was dad's "new girlfriend" and he just wanted me to go away. But the fact is BM was still wrong for even telling this kid these things which should've stayed between the adults. It is DH that said this not me. I do think the kid has some behavior problems but what teenager doesn't. I just don't trust him that is all.
Of course mom shouldn't share
Of course mom shouldn't share adult stuff with her kids. I guess that sometimes people are so angry or hurt that they don't care and winning the love of their child and poisoning them against the ex is revenge like behavior.
I do see his actions as probably manipulative.. but not necessarily in an abnormal way.. because I think kids will typically do stuff to suck up when they want something.. so will adults (more flies with sugar than vinegar and all)
Being charming, manipulative,
Being charming, manipulative, or playing people against one another (triangulation) are all characteristics of anti social personality disorder, which is the diagnostic term for sociopathy, but of course, there are several other qualifying criteria and it is the only personality disorder that cannot be diagnosed until an individual is 18. Before that, symptoms of conduct disorder will be present in childhood.
I don't think that anything here describes conduct disorder or any cluster B disorder. Just a child trying to get his own way by triangulation, which seems a common behavior of an unhappy, spoiled stepchild.