Help - BM forcing me to stay away from home while SS9 visits dad
HI, I am at the end of my tether with my SS9 and BM. I have been in my SS life for nearly 3 years now, he comes to stay with us every other weekend Friday to Sunday. We get on great and I babysit him on Saturday mornings while his dad (my partner works). The only issues we ever have are regarding mealtimes. He ALWAYS has to cause a drama regarding his meal complaining he doesn't like it even though he's ate the same things before.
I try to treat him the same as I did my own kids when they were young (my kids are aged 23, 21 and 19 and dont live with us), I buy him treats, spend time with him and do loads of fun stuff, however I also discipline the same so when he complains about food I basically say if he's not going to eat it he can go without (like I say we know he likes the meals because he's eaten it before).
The issue I have at the moment is this, on Easter Sunday my partner spent hours cooking a lovely roast dinner, SS just pushed the knife and fork (which he still does not know how to use properly) around his plate and refused to eat it. Things got quite irrate and I souted at him and sent him to his room.
He's now gone home and told his BM that he's scared of me, she wouldn;t allow him to visit when he was last to due to but she's given in and said he can come this weekend - IF I'M NOT THERE. So basically I've had to book a hotel room and now have to wait until a 9 year old gives me permission to come home. I'm at my wits end, me and my partner had a massive row about yesterday because he thinks I should just go along with what she says so that he can see his son, I get that but I dont see why I have to basically get home from work on Friday evening, go home and pack a bag and leave until SS decides I'm allowed back in. I honestly feel that if I didn't love my partner so much I would pack up and walk away for good.
Please tell me you're joking.
Please tell me you're joking......Why didn't Dad tell the truth?
That he was playing around at the dinner table and was removed for not listening?
I'd tell them both to go somewhere-Sorry I would never leave my home for a child.
DH can see his brat elsewhere.
Better yet-if you two are not
Better yet-if you two are not married-HERE IS YOUR SIGN.
That child has more say in your home then you do-pack all your shit and relocate and wish your ex and his son good luck.
If you start leaving now
If you start leaving now whenever he comes around - you'll be living weekends in a hotel the rest of your life.
DON'T DO IT!!!
So who is going to babysit Junior on Saturdays?
Does your partner still expect YOU to do free babysitting chores? You are absolutely out of your mind if you agree to that.
Frankly, you are crazy to even consider leaving your home during SS visits, too! This is a no-win situation and one of the worst demands of a SP I've seen on these boards in a long time. Really? Go to a HOTEL to appease a BM and a kid? Please talk to your own family and friends about this request to leave your home on visitation weekends for this boy, and I'm sure they'll tell you - like us here on ST - that you are out of your mind to even consider doing this.
Your parner will ALWAYS comply with what BM wants ... and since SS has a long way to go until he is officially an adult, this is something you will be putting up with in some form or fashion for the rest of your life. Kids like this often don't lauch at a reasonable age, so I'd guess you are in for more of the same for the next 20 years.
Is this how you want to spend your life? The skid has now learned he will be successful at manipulating his parents in order to shove you aside. For now, they are "only" asking that you leave the house when he visits. Next, it will be to tell you to move out permanently.
Even if your partner tries to placate you by saying this "leave the house" dictate is only temporary, it is a sign of things to come. In every way, shape and form this kid will take priority.
IMO, you need to end this relationship as it is not healthy and it probably won't ever be. You need to take care of yourself since your partner has made it clear he won't. Oh, and please don't tell us all how "loving" and "wonderful" he is ... his actions are speaking much louder that he's a spineless jerk.
P.S. And I'd hazard a guess that he probably expects you to pick up the tab for the hotel room, too, right? Jeez.
Yeah, there's no way I'd be
Yeah, there's no way I'd be doing that. And the fact that your partner is allowing it, encouraging it, even? Honey, love ain't always enough.
There's this thing called "respect", and your partner has none for you. Not to mention, he has no self-respect, either.
he thinks I should just go along with what she says so that he can see his son
Right now, it's leaving your home for the weekend, who knows what it will be next? Is this the way you want to live?
You need to have a "come to Jesus" talk with your partner and let him know that this is NOT acceptable. That you will not live a life dictated by an ex and a child.
If men want to let the exes run their lives, they should just stay with them.
If men want to let the exes
If men want to let the exes run their lives, they should just stay with them.
OMG couldnt' say it better myself!!
Let him leave for the weekend
I'd tell him he needs to get a motel room and visit his son there. I bet he'll manage to straighten SS and BM out by the time for the next visit!
That's what I was going to
That's what I was going to say as well! Why should you be chased from your home?
Wow.... She actually has no
Wow.... She actually has no right or standing to request you be removed from the home.
On another note..... I think you do owe the child an apology for yelling. Don't get me wrong, I don't think allowing him to play food games is right but as the adults we are supposed to be able to correct them without getting overly emotional about it. And... believe me, I did yell at my own two SD's and they got scared of me too when they stole construction material from a neighbor and built a hobo shanty in our front yard without permission. I believe I told them to put it the F back where they found it. They did run away to a friends and call their mother which was lovely... but my DH did not cowtow to her... and the girls continued to come. I did tell them that I didn't mean to be so abrupt but that what they did was a big problem... and next time they need to go to their dad not their mother during visitation.
On another note (if you feel you want to keep trying here)... when your partner is present, let him take the lead on discipline. It's fine for you to do what you need to do when it's you all alone... but he should step up when he is present.
Leave with all of your stuff,
Leave with all of your stuff, change your phone number and never look back. Ghost this ahole.
Please do not leave your home
Please do not leave your home. This BM can not tell her ex what she wants to go on in his home. He is being a real tosser for even thinking you should do this. This is beyond crazy. What else will SS want if he gets his way and gets to come over because you are not there. And your SO should not leave either. No one should give in on this. Sooner or later SS will want to come back over. He is a child and the parent makes the rules not him.
And let your SO be the one to send SS to his room. You should not be the one doing this.
Tell your husband he and ss
Tell your husband he and ss can go get a hotel if he wants, but that you’re not going to allow BM and SS to dictate what happens in your home. Period.
Ok maybe I'm crazy but my
Ok maybe I'm crazy but my first thought was heck yeah you should totally get a hotel room and enjoy some peace and quiet. Get some room service, watch what you want on tv and enjoy knowing your man is having to deal with his own kid on his own lol. I bet he enjoys it so much that next time he tells SS and BM to kiss his behind because he isnt doing that again!