It's not about the texting.  I went through this with my DH when we first got married. I will not go into detail but when I look back at this time in our marriage I should have divorced DH.  He did not show me that he loved me or had time for me, SD took top priority, and I found out later DH had not been honest about some important things.  But I have to tell you, if I found out he had cheated on me he would have been history.  Period.

Please find a therapist who wants to work on self-confidence and self-worth so that you will have the courage to tell this man to leave,  You deserve better than this.  Really.

OMG.

If you can't have quantity (a traditional marriage where you live together), then you should at least have quality (a faithful, devoted spouse). You have neither.

None of this passes the smell test. But you know that.

What are you getting out of this arrangement?  Are you and your H choosing to live apart temporarily as part of a specific long term financial goal, or are you just his side piece? Please tell me that you're maintaining separate finances and not contributing to his menagerie??

The female skid/SM dynamic is the most problematic in blended families. Having just one SD can be quite challenging, so that fact that your H has four daughters is baaad juju. Female skids can be very territorial and manipulative, and may see Daddee as their property. The fact that he prioritizes them over you does not  bode well for you. Add in the fact that he's a cheater whose parenting has produced at least one screwed up daughter, and I wouldn't touch that guy with a ten foot pole.

Please raise your standards and extract yourself from this farce.

Take note of all the above! After I met my now X I went on an on-line forum and asked if I was doing the right thing getting into a relationship with a man who had been married three times. 

Your post made me remember this because at the time it must have bothered me a lot, but I put it to one side and didn't listen to the advice. After nine years I finally ended the relationship, and trust me he was nowhere near as bad as your DH! If only I had cometo Steptalk then too- but as my skids wereadults I didn't see that problem either.

Live your life and make it a happy one- you are as important as you consider yourself to be, not as the way others treat you. I have my life and my self-respect back-you can do this too!

Once a cheater, always a cheater. If I were you, I'd focus on what is important to me, and get out of this non-marriage. Sounds like your DH has many mini-wives and places you at the bottom of the totem pole. 

Take care of yourself and know there are better people out there.

My positive comment is that you didn't leave your life when you married, so you've still got you - that's excellent news!

I think the other comments here say the rest. You've got a life without him, so why compete with four SDs, all the women online, and the 20-year-old who needs her friend's dad to spend time with her??? You can do better.

I don't think the issue is living apart - a lot of married people I know live apart, but they really work hard at being present, even when they aren't together. If your husband is only invested in you when you're with him, that doesn't leave much for you.

I don't understand the relevance of one of them being a "stripper".  It was so important it was included in the post title.  Like that says it all.  Another example of misogyny on women, by women.  I had a classmate in college who worked as an exotic dancer to pay her own way through college.  She was a genius and found it empowering.  She had more integrity than most of the BMs and skids on this site.

Weekends that I can't spend with him because of work he spends that time with all/most of his daughters either at his house or at theirs. During that time, he claims he can't text me because he's busy.

I'm willing to bet that he's too busy because he's CHEATING.

This man has proven to you numerous times that he does NOT value you or your "marriage". Please value yourself more.

I'm so glad you've checked in and given a bit more information.

You've married beneath you to a very shady character. Where is your self esteem? Why are you accepting any of this? You come across as an intelligent, self supporting woman, yet you're in this long distance relationship with a man of poor character. You're dissatisfied (which is good, it means your picker is bent, not broken). You've come to a website for step parent support, but from what you've shared, you don't have a skid problem. You have a you problem, which has led you to make some poor relationship choices.

You're certainly not alone, as many of us women have picked a dud here and there. But look Hun, people do what they do, and are who they are. You've recognized that your H and his daughters have values and behaviors that aren't compatible with yours. If you lived with him, your life would be a misery. You say you've begged this man to do a better job of meeting your needs, and he won't. 

You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, and you can't make this guy be loyal, fathful, or have good character.  But you can and should be focusing on yourself. Find a therapist who will work with you on strategies for loving yourself and addressing the issues that led you to settle for this guy. Build yourself up and become your own staunchest supporter. Learn, grow, and invest in yourself, and you'll soon  have both the clarity to see why you made a poor choice and the wisdom to forgive yourself and move on up to something healthier.

There are articles you can google that discuss that a women's #1 need in a relationship is to feel loved and cherished. I bet it's pretty high on the list for you too. Do you feel loved and cherished with this guy, other than him telling you that you're supposed to faith and remember he loves you (TRANSLATION:  he doesn't care enough to make the effort to SHOW it)?

There are couples who survive cheating, but he should be bending over backwards to show you he really cares and give you reasons to trust him again. That isn't happening.

I'd get rid of this loser.  You have needs; he's not meeting them; he cares more about his own self interests.

He should want to assuage your concern, not dismiss it to leave you questioning from afar whether you're crazy.

Forget about the daughters, the strippers, the ex. Just look at him. He cheated. And just as bad as cheating, he's woven some narrative about you making him the bad guy for cheating -- as if the blame somehow doesn't belong to him. Think about that. He actually reassigns the blame to you with that narrative. THAT is whacked.

Instead of rising to each occasion to allay your fears of more cheating, he doesn't want to be bothered to call you on Christmas Day. He's not trying to prove himself to you. He's not trying at all.

He must be damn charming to have wittled you down to thinking you're overreacting. He sounds like a master manipulator, king of his harem, (https://exploringyourmind.com/7-ways-identify-master-manipulator/), and you're sidelined asking a bunch of strangers if you're right to question his actions. He has turned your thinking inside out.

You are right to question him. You are right to doubt him. Healthy, capable women do not spend days wondering about their spouse's fidelity. You are a healthy, capable woman and you don't have to feel like this. In 20 years, do you want to feel the same way you do today? Of course not - you must feel absolutely awful. So whatever is holding you in this marriage, forget about it. Get out there and change your destiny. Don't let him take away one more good day.

You're not bothering or troubling us, you're sharing your story little by little and getting the support you deserve. We are here for you, and you are worthy of that support.

Every concern you've shared with us has merit, IMO, so your instincts are sound. Chew on that for a bit. You're not wrong about any of this.

I agree that this man is manipulating and gaslighting you. You express how you feel to him, and he takes that and twists it, telling you your feelings and p.o.v. are invalid.  So you back down, confused and uncertain, and he gets to keep mistreating you.

I've asked you what you're getting out this so-called marriage, but now I also want you to tell us what your H is getting out of it.  Please tell us more about the financial arrangements between you two. Do you share accounts? Does he contribute adequately? Why does he only see his daughters a few times per month? And why is he at a resort without his wife by his side?

I'm wondering what you're getting out of this "marriage" vs. the emotional and physical toll you're paying?  

Write this POS waste of parental skin with no character, honor or morals off as the POS that he is.

Grow some balls, cut this crap out of  your life.

NOW!!!!!!!

I don't think "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true. If (and it's a big IF) the cheater does the very hard work to identify why he cheated, AND is willing to change behavior and learn new coping skills, then there is the likelihood that cheating will not repeated. Has your DH done any work on himself to figure out why he cheated on you? If he hasn't, is he willing to? 

Others have suggested that you seek some counseling to figure out how to deal with his lack of care. I wholeheartedly agree with that. You can't make HIM change, but you can change the way you deal with it. What are YOUR boundaries? What do YOU need from the relationship and from him? Why are YOU the one giving and compromising for his comfort and happiness--and what do you get in return? You have to know these things before you can make a reasonable decision about staying or leaving.

Here on the outside, it looks to me as if he loves himself more than he loves you.

Geez really? Please leave him. He likely still cheats  on you. And even if not why do you want man like him?

"He just got back 10 days ago from a week-long trip with his family (I couldn't go) and he's already going over there" ... to have sex with his mistress.

It sounds like your husband has his cake and is eating it too. He has you to fall back on at his convenience but is living the life of a single man.

He is using spending time with his daughters as an excuse to make you feel guilty for questioning his bad behavior.

If someone truly loves you, you shouldn't have to tell them how to treat you. 

You are feeling the way you do because you are allowing him to make you question your common sense and better judgement. 

Stop listening to his words they are only meant to confuse you. Only focus on his actions and then ask yourself would 90% of people you know behave this way? If not then you have your answer it's him