Was it worth it?
Many times I wish I had never even gone on that first date.
Many times I wonder why I have to work so hard to feel OK about his kids (one is a stripper who makes enough money, but still lives with him) when I have my own kids to worry about.
Many times I wish that I didn’t have to be seen as the evil jealous one for not feeling great about his spending so much time and money on his kids when I’ve gotten exactly one bathrobe and one piece of costume jewelry as any gift from him in the past 8 years.
Many times I wish I had thought longer about jumping into a relationship with someone who had kids and a crazy ex (she tried to commit suicide after he refused to “loan” her money a few years after we were together).
Many times I wish he treated me with sincere gratitude (and not just with words and maybe at least as equal to his SDs) because he cheated on me a few years ago and, no, I’m not over it.
Many times I have felt taken for granted - sure, pay your working daughters’s down payment on her triple figure house, offer to pay your other daughter’s medical bills. But, no, when I had surgery don’t offer even to help pay my bills. I would have refused trust me, but an offer would have been nice. To your wife.
Many times I have thought long and hard about whether it was all worth it. He asked me the other day if I was glad I married him. I honestly couldn’t answer him.
I wonder whether anyone else wonders the same thing ... if it was/is worth it all.
What do you get out of this
What do you get out of this marriage? It doesn't seem to be love, respect, financial support/help, companionship or even regular sex.
Why are you still a couple?
Why are you still a couple? It seems he gives less than nothing to the partnership.
I really really feel for you.
I really really feel for you. I've just read back on your old post why do I have to ask over and over and I could've written that.
I too was once told, with a look of disgust and disbelief on his face, "I'm spending time with sd I'm not going to take time away from her to text you."
And whenever I could truly put my point across I was met with "I know I'm not perfect". I didn't want perfect, just some respect/ care/ value.
I got out after 3 years. He spent all Xmas week with sd I didn't see him and when I asked if he could take her home 4 hours early as his last day with her was my only day off work I was told I was selfish and no way would he do that.... Well f*** off then.
No its not worth it to feel so unloved and so uncared for. I understand children are the parents priority, I have a child myself, but they don't have to be the only priority. They don't have to be the only people that matter in this world. They don't have to be the only people that are worth spending time with or spending money on and any man that doesn't agree with that has no business being married. No wife should live in 2nd place and so far down the food chain.
I'm sorry you're in this position. But I'm even more sorry that you're staying there, there are plenty of men out there that would love the chance to make you their world. Not a sidelined part of their world, not only the centre of their world when their children aren't around. There's a much better life out there for you.
I am so sorry
But would recommend you get out now. As every year goes by, you will be in a worse position. How old are your kids?
When you marry, medical costs should be part of the household
Budget. So if you gave birth to his kid and hospital bill is several thousand, he helps pay for that. Not you to fend for yourself or he turns a blind eye.
those days my husband would disappear on a weekend from 11.30am and arrive home 8pm exhausted playing taxi for lazy skids, seeing them sit in awkward silence etc when we had 2 toddlers at home he couldn’t spend time during the week because of work hours, that was enough for me.
The double standards that exist and hubby had the nerve to talk about how he had to be fair to all his kids. My husband is a logical person and deals with facts.
i listed the facts what times he works, how much time he is home during weekdays that he spends with our kids - not dedicated i focus on you time but more him playing on the phone texting his friends at work while kids play with themselves. Once the facts were laid before him he knew he was lying through his arse talking about fair.
Somehow our toddlers who love spending time with him and getting cuddles gets them no time with hubby yet skids who have alienated and manipulated/guilted him and ignore him for months on end get more contact
Oh, I wondered a lot of this
Oh, I wondered a lot of this with my XH. The "X" in that should give you some idea of how I remedied the situation.
Forget about that first date
Forget about that first date and start thinking about the first day of the rest of your life without this jerk.
Your husband is a cheating asshole who doesn't treat you as a wife should be treated. So don't be his wife anymore. Get out. It doesn't sound like you get much out of the relationship anyway. Leave him to his precious kids.
YES. Everything and said.
YES. Everything and said. You have your whole life ahead of you. Go enjoy it!
Thank you
I am so so grateful to each and every one of you for your comments. I just tried to talk to my mom about this and she said two things, “you have to stay in this marriage because you said vows” and “it’s really between you and him.”
What I’m trying to say is I can’t even talk to my mom and get advice or a sympathetic ear. I go to this board when I want to hear from other people who have gone what I am going through and can really understand. I feel such comfort. I feel like I’m not actually crazy for feeling super unappreciated and like “what did I get myself into?”
I want to say one more thing - I guess the reason that the guys are such Disney dads is that they actually feel a lot of guilt. And, when I’m walking into that situation I feel like I can’t win. And I feel like I’m supposed to be all goody goody and just welcome everybody (the SKs) into my arms. And I’m looked down on if I don’t. Especially when my kids in the teenage years actually need me (even if they think they don’t LOL).
It’s a really hard place to be
I do see that he won’t likely change and it’s up to me. That’s a really hard place to be, too. Just saying.
It is a very hard place to be
It is a very hard place to be. I always felt my ex was horrible for not just ending it with me when he so clearly wasn't invested, I almost felt he should end the torture for me instead of watching me drowning and still not stepping up to be the partner he should be.
I believe you'll get there one day, even if you're not there yet one day it will all click in your mind that you need to get out of this situation but until that happens yes I know how hard it is.
As for the Disney dads feeling guilty I'm sure that is true but I think it goes deeper than that sometimes, like I mentioned before I truly believe some men genuinely do get all their emotional needs fullfilled by their children, especially an sd. And they don't have any real need for a partner. I'm not sure why they get into relationships in the first place but they're not fully emotionally invested in us because they already have someone up on the pedestal where their wife should be. It feels like being in a relationship with someone who's already in a relationship with someone else. I'm not saying that's your situation, I don't know enough to make that assumption, just saying that can happen.
I hope things work out for you, I have alot of faith that it will once you have that switch go off in your mind.