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Lulu58's picture

Submitted by Lulu58 on Mon, 04/16/2018 - 1:21pm

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Mentally Unfit Biological Parents

Hello! This website is a godsend! Have been a stepparent to a 10 y o girl for almost 2 years. My partner and his ex were divorced already when I met him, a very bitter acrimonious divorce and custody battle. She was emotionally and physically violent towards him for years, and eventually started an affairand moved her new beau into the marital home (no, really....)

She is a classic Narcissistic Personality (not that she has ever been diagnosed, but I have been in therapy long enough due to a previous relationship with a similar character).

To cut a long story short, I had a very close bond with my sd from the start. I adore her and she was alwys very comfortable with me. We also went on holiday together the 3 of us. Things were fine until last Autumn, when the ex kicked off for no other reason that I saw her with SD in the street and I said hello. Since then, it's been a living hell. She made up lies that I hate children and I told SD that I all adults hate children (no idea where that even came from)). 6 weeks ago she somehow found out that the girl was staying with me for the day (she was off school with a cold and her Dad was at work) and went ape****. She came round to my house shouting and demanding to see her daughter. I made the mistake of opening the door and she physically attacked me, SD literally hold her back. Then she marched the SD away and has since made her swear on her life never to see me again. The police have done nothing, even though I have pressed charges for ABH. I haven't seen the SD since, and my relationship with my partner is under massive strain as he is terrified of losing his daughter, so since the attack I have been not able to see him when she's around. (we don't live together yet, the plan was to move in together later this year, but who knows. However, partner and SD used to spend most of the time at my flat and everybody was very happy before the ex from hell kicked off) I am at a loss. Nobody seems to be helping or protecting me. This mad woman has ruined my life. Sorry for the rant Sad Any advice would be hugely appreciated. 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Mon, 04/16/2018 - 4:58pm

Wow.. It really sounds like your BF needs legal advice.  His EX most certainly cannot choose who her child spends time with when her father is in charge of the custody time.  His time... his judgment.  She sounds very jealous and unhinged.  I might be a bit worried what life might be like with a BM like her in the picture.

Look, I have no problem with a step parent stepping back at joint events where the EX is there so that feelings are protected.  I would do that.. so that I didn't provoke the EX and make her go into her MOTY act which was so annoying and put the girls in an awkward place. 

As long as you aren't a dangerous person or unsavory.. no reason why he can't have you watch his child.. unless they have right of first refusal in their Custody Order which would mean he would have to offer that time to BM first before having you watch her.

Again, this woman sounds bound and determined to cause chaos.. you have to decide whether you can deal with that or not... and your BF may decide that he doesn't want to fight her.. which means he can be single for life..lol.

 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 04/19/2018 - 4:38pm

When he has his daughter with him... BM has ZERO say over who he chooses to spend time with so BM can FO!!!!

If you nor your SO are willing to grow a collective set then this relationship is worthless and  you need to move on.  If you do collectively choose to foster some testicular fortitude then partner up, arm  yourselves with every legal, financial, social and moral tool available and destroy this toxic POS BM.  This kid needs her dad, and if you remain in the picture she needs you, to have her back and go to war with the shallow and polluted end of her gene pool.  That is the only hope this kid has to overcome haveing lost the mother lottery by being cursed with such a toxic POS of a mother.

All IMHO of course.

Good luck.

Lulu58's picture

Submitted by Lulu58 on Thu, 04/19/2018 - 7:37am

Thank you Rags,

Actually you made me laugh, which is no mean feat in the current situation, so thanks for that!

Unfortunately, the toxic BM has done such a number on the kid that now she says SHE doesn't want to see me. She also lied to the authorities saying it's not true her BM attacked me, even tho she was the one to hold her back. SD also said to social services she is only happy 50% of the time and doesn't like the going back and forward between the 2 houses.

Read: her BM wants her to stop seeing her dad so she can control her 100% of the time and also get a lot more maintenance money (she is a total money grabbing cow who has stopped working years ago and sits on her a** all day, waiting for maintenance).

Toxic b**** has completely brainwashed her.

We are at a loss. We almost feel SD would be better off staying with her toxic BM at this stage, which of course it's incredibly tough to admit for my partner.

 

Thank you, it's a Godsend to have a place like this with people who understand. Sometimes I am starting to doubt my own sanity. I KNOW she attacked me. I have the bruises to prove it. Yet I find myself doubting it ever happened...