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Karma where are you?

AJanie's picture

I shouldn't have but I stalked my ex's Facebook through a friend's page. He must have just spent time with the kids (as far as I knew BM was keeping them away) because "dad of the year" had a whole bunch of photos of them with big, happy smiles. It killed me. I know ex SS thinks I am the reason his dad took off for several months. He has no idea what an addict POS he is, I guess that is a good thing. I guess I can take one for the team (once again).

Stream of consciouness rant...

I should be happy for the kids.  They deserve a dad.  But I know what a piece of shit he is. I know how he manipulates. I know how he abuses, uses, steals and lies. I just feel like I have always been waiting for the rest of the world to see it. 

People believe in karma, in what goes around - comes around. Sometimes I am not so sure. He has spent years breaking the law, sucking from the system, never bothering to be stable or provide stability for his kids, using others, playing the victim, half assing everything and letting me shoulder all the responsibility, smoking crack cocaine in my bathroom while I folded laundry like a fool in the other room, telling me I was a f*cking delusional lunatic when I caught on....... and somehow managed to convince a whole lot of people I was the "psycho."  And somehow has 2 beautiful kids to show for it.

Where is the justice, you know?

Same thing with my boyfriend's ex. She pretends to be sober, brings her child around a drug dealer, repeatedly breaks the law and is somehow revered for her "progress."

If the truth supposedly prevails... I ask... WHEN?

Comments

ESMOD's picture

While it can be satisfying to see someone hoisted by their own petard... in truth, karma is kind of a fickle mistress.  She doesn't always mete out punishments to fit the crime.  I mean.. think about it.. bad things happen to good people and vice versa.

I know it's frustrating to see someone do wrong and get relatively little repurcussion for it.  Believe me, my brother was an addict for years.. yet here he is now with a lovely family in a lovely home driving a lovely car.  Me?  my dh works half way accross the country.. no kids of my own and driving a 6 yo car with 100+k miles..lol.

Again though.. THIS is why I was not really excited to hear you were diving right back into a relationship complete with skid and someone dealing(dealt) with addiction issues (his ex).  You had a chance to escape the drama and you chose someone who is going to guarantee that it still impacts your life and makes things harder for you than they need to be.

I really wish you could have found someone who didn't have addict EX as a major thing in common..... it's going to keep all this drama in your life and you deserve to live a more stress-free existence.

 

AJanie's picture

If he wasn't a kind, gentle, good person I would have never considered. BUT, I still don't know if that will make this all worth it. The ex, the ties to that piece of my past...

I am still... not completely decided. It is too soon to know.

ESMOD's picture

I'm glad you are keeping it all in mind though... while having the issue relate to an EX is marginally better, you know very well the kind of chaos that it can entail.  Otherwise this guy sounds like he has some positive points.

justmakingthebest's picture

Girl, I totally get it. I keep waiting for the Karma train to hit BM2. It just won't! 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I'm still waiting too AJanie... I wish there was some magic time frame that Karma would hit in (or a way to speed it along...). 

BM is dealing drugs (pretty sure here). Ditched the girls. Yet she plays this Mother of the Year role. It's terrible and I truly hope Karma catches up.

Patience apparently isn't my strong suite, because I'm with you, i wish Karma would come in like a f***ing missle and hit a few people that truly deserve it. I believe it comes around, it's just the when and how long other people are willing to shield them from it.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

AJ, as ESMOD said, Karma is a fickle mistress. Karma has let BioHo and her craptastic ways slide for 25 years. I'd like to give Karma a kick in the pants.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Awww, AJ...

I feel you, though it was with my XH. He told me he felt like he didn't get to live out his early 20s because he was married and couldn't date. What did he do? Marry the first person he dated after me.

Constantly talked about how he hated living in Anti-Canada and resented that I wanted to buy a house here. He and the new wife just bought a house.

He has us in considerable debt because he always wanted something. Apparently the new wife has cash, because he is living it up with European vacations, new house in the rich part of Anti-Canada, and weekly trips out of state.

XH treated me like garbage most of the time. I wasn't what he wanted, but he was too chicken to do anything about it. He got someone who worked her arse off to get him through school when he had a "tough" time. Someone who tried finding jobs out of state so he could move closer to family. Someone who bought him 90% of what he wanted to make him happy. Someone who almost gave up everything to make him happy.

It irked me to no end that he hadn't suffered adequately for his transgressions. Instead, he got exactly what he wanted: a sugar momma in all sense of the phrase.

However, as ESMOD said, Karma is a fickle mistress. You can't stew over him not getting his comeuppance. All that does is bring YOU down and grow resentment at not only your ex, but the universe, too. It's not a fun way to live, and it certainly isn't going to make him feel any worse - it only impacts you.

Take a day to curse those photos and happy times your ex is having, then let it go. Hope that he gets help for the sake of his kids. Hope that his kids never have to find him doing crack or heroin in the bathroom while they do their homework. Hope that they aren't the ones to discover his lifeless body if he ODs.

Divorce is hard. Seeing good happen to someone who caused you so much pain is hard. However, you don't have to live in their shadow anymore. You are free to be you and do what you want. When that realization finally and completely hits, you won't care what happens to your ex because you'll have found your own piece of happiness.

AJanie's picture

I do need to let it go. I really, really do. Even if karma doesn't "get these people..." ... chances are the legal system eventually will.

It is just so unreal.

lieutenant_dad's picture

I live in an area of the US that, if it sounds like something Canada would do, we would do the opposite.

lieutenant_dad's picture

That's a fair assessment. I live in an area that ACTIVELY works against progress, though. Like, actively enacts laws that are immediately suspended by federal judges.

But to make this a less depressing OT thread of comments, I like to think I am more like the Simpson's, living in a town that could be in any state.

Dovina's picture

sometimes karma doesnt seem to appear. BUT you just dont know that. FB can provide false illussions of reality. Smiling people in a photo together is that present moment, what happened before and/or after is what the audience cannot see. So dont base your judgement on this.

Keep holding onto that karma thought though, sometimes we do get to see the justice.

Thumper's picture

It is so hard to understand why a percentage of people get away with breaking the law. Just as hard to understand why those folks are viewed as walking on water.

I really dont believe in Karma. Here is a denfition of the word:.

Hinduism, Buddhism. action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation: in Hinduism one of the means of reaching Brahman.

Compare bhakti (def 1), jnana.

2.

Theosophy. the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I know that we all have free will. I dont believe in Karma but I do believe people will get caught. A drug addict has their own awful demons to deal with on a daily basis. Is that Karma ?

Ajanie I know it is hard to stomach those posed smiling faces in pictures...but think about it the photos are staged and fake. Take the 'family photos' of the HURT Family who's adopted 'mothers' drove the 6 kids off the cliff on the west coast. SMILING away like one big happy Lesiban Adoptive Biracial Family. It is alleged The kids were starved, abused---whereas the pictures show a different story.

I know your upset...We see pic's from time to time of skids. SMILING like they are looking at the 2nd coming of "Santa"...we just laugh our rears off because we know better.

 

 

notsobad's picture

Facebook isn’t real life. It’s an illusion, best face forward, look how wonderful my life is!

Real life could be as good as Facebook, but you know it’s not in his case. You know the truth behind the smiles.

Dont be sucked in by his BS yet again. You KNOW the truth, you KNOW the real man and he’s nothing like the smiling FB pictures!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Some people seem to be made of teflon, but in my experience karma comes to all - eventually. She just enjoys playing the long game sometimes.

For an addict, it might come in the form of health issues, or grown kids who want nothing to do with them.

My addict SIL is in her fifties now. She had a stroke after years of self abuse. Her family of origin won't help her anymore, as they've been burned too many times. One of her kids has cut her out of his life, and the other (the one she used to do drugs with) moved far away. 

Love the life you have,  AJ. Don't look back, look forward. 

DaizyDuke's picture

I know this question is really not relevant and it's stupid, but for some reason it popped into my mind when I read your post.  So when people smoke crack does it smell like anything??  Like cigarette and pot smoke have their distinctive smells.... does crack?? 

Trust me his karma will come. my EXH cheated on me and I felt like he was never going to get his Karma. I'd hear about him flitting off to the Dominican Republic on vacations, boating on the lake all summer, going on golf trips, got handed a decent sum of money when his mother passed and bought a bar which was always a dream of his.  BUT it allll caught up to him.  He lost the bar after 3 years for not paying taxes or getting his liquor lisence, I have heard from multiple sources that he drinks and smokes (crack) his money away, he truck got repo'd and his house is going to forclosure.  He's 52 years old and JUST started a new dead end job.  Eventually when you live a life of using people, skirting the law etc. it WILL catch up with you, it's really just a matter of time. And just because he's posting happy "my life is sooo wonderful" pics on FB doesn't mean it's so.  Mosking

AJanie's picture

I don't know if it smells. He was always locking himself in the bathroom the last few months before I finally left. He would smoke "cigarettes" in there (we fought about his daily for months)... he was masking the smell. I knew he was smoking crack because I found pipes - also, later, when he was in the "I want you back" phase, he admitted to it. He also would be awake all night walking around, running bizarre errands. Just weird stuff.

Thumper's picture

OMG crack/meth ect is so toxic to anyone in the home. It gets into carpet, drapes, sofas, clothing. So harmful to kids too. Many first responders have reported cancer tied to exposure to this shit. Hmmmm...

 During busts they have to wear Hazmat suits. Homes where meth is cooked MUST be cleaned professionally and I do nto mean by Merry Maids.  It is so dangerous during the cooking process too. Often the bakes explode.

Anyway here is what it smells like.  I found this on line and copied for your.

The smell of crack cocaine smoke has been described as similar to burning or melting plastic, rubber or styrofoam. It is somewhat sweet, but is very much a chemical odor. Sometimes it is described as a citrus-like vomit smell. It is generally agreed that the odor is strong and very unpleasant.

DaizyDuke's picture

I know this question is really not relevant and it's stupid, but for some reason it popped into my mind when I read your post.  So when people smoke crack does it smell like anything??  Like cigarette and pot smoke have their distinctive smells.... does crack?? 

Trust me his karma will come. my EXH cheated on me and I felt like he was never going to get his Karma. I'd hear about him flitting off to the Dominican Republic on vacations, boating on the lake all summer, going on golf trips, got handed a decent sum of money when his mother passed and bought a bar which was always a dream of his.  BUT it allll caught up to him.  He lost the bar after 3 years for not paying taxes or getting his liquor lisence, I have heard from multiple sources that he drinks and smokes (crack) his money away, he truck got repo'd and his house is going to forclosure.  He's 52 years old and JUST started a new dead end job.  Eventually when you live a life of using people, skirting the law etc. it WILL catch up with you, it's really just a matter of time. And just because he's posting happy "my life is sooo wonderful" pics on FB doesn't mean it's so.  Mosking

secret's picture

If you keep allowing your ex or your partner's ex to take up space in your head, you will still harbor hatred 25 years later and spew off crap about their cheating/druggie/etc ways.

Let. Him. Go.

Nothing worse than an ex who keeps trying to stay involved in your life. We all know this, from the constant general posting of how BM's try to stay in DH's life.... don't be that girl.