My friend has an app that runs all her daughters text messages through her phone and her daughter is aware of this - but it doesn't monitor snap chat or instagram - personally I hate both of those!  I think children/teenagers should def be limited with phone/interenet time. I don't have one of that age yet so maybe I will feel differently then but I would limit it!

No.. you do not need to tell her mother what you are doing to limit her access to internet.  BUT... keep in mind the phones work even when not on wifi.. so all that may do is create a data issue for the person paying the phone bill if it isn't an unlimited plan.

On the other hand.  Your DH should be able to discuss issues of concern surrounding the phone because it relates to the girl's well being.  If he knows she may be doing something that could be dangerous or cause harm.. he is obligated morally to let her mother know so that she can also be on lookout for problems.

So, maybe the conversation surrounds the fact that he has discovered she is sending a lot of messages on IG that are able to disappear.  He is worried of the content and the fact that the girl is making an effort to hide activity.  Maybe there is an app that could be placed on the phone that would allow the parents to monitor this activity even if it is deleted?  He can share that he limits her access to the phone itself.. but just cutting off wifi won't do much if she has a data plan to run up.

I agree with everything you said.  BUT it sounds like your DH is a pansy ass and doesn't want to upset his poopsie by being a parent, so yo'reu either stuck disengaging and ignorning it or being the bad guy. 

Our BS8 will not have a cell phone or social media for as long as I can possibly hold out.  He does have a tablet that he plays games on every now and then ( and I mean he'll play for 15 minutes or so a couple times a week), but he does not have Snapchat or FB or Musicly or any of that crap that opens the door for predators and foolishness between kids. We also have no video games in our house (Wii, PS, XBox etc)  IF BS8 wants to play a game we play Monopoly, Jumanji, checkers etc.  Gaming systems are another thing that I think has been a HUGE contributing factor to the downfall of society.  My SS19 is a big gamer... gaming has gotten him nowhere... other than being a highschool drop out, pothead, no job, still living with BM etc. I'll never understand the point of it, other than I think crappy parents use gaming systems as babysitter for their kids.  If the kid is holed up in their room, not bothering mom or dad for hours, who cares what they are doing?  Nope, not in my house.

Blah!  Sorry, all this stuff gets me really riled, I'll hop down from my soapbox now

I think its something that is hard for our generation to get used to. I used to stress big time over it. Now....I really feel that not allowing kids the same social media outlets their peers have makes them somewhat of an outcast. My kids know that if I want to see their stuff they will let me, but I also can't remember the last time I checked them. I snapchat with them (only them lol because i hate it but they snapchat me) and look at their instagram and finsta accts but i really try to respect their privacy. I'm a VERY private person and the thought of ANYONE seeing my thoughts or convo's would give me anxiety, even if there's nothing to hide, so I respect that. BOTTOM LINE I think if you don't have a good open honest relationship with your kids, no amount of spying or restriction will give you the info you need to keep them safe. I trust my kids. They tell me more than I want to know because they know they can trust me and I trust them. Spying on their accounts and not trusting them is a sure fire way to ensure that they will never have a respectful, trusting relationship with you, and that's the best way to keep them safe.

Because of all of the schools shooting.  Most schools have a mass text messing app. That they can text all the students, teachers, staff and parents. That something is going on and they should lock down is a safe place.

So most parents want there chrildren to have phone on them at all times.   And parents can get in touch with there chrildren in a emergency.  Right or wrong 

We do the "on the counter at 9:30" with SS14 also.  Although he's been grounded from even having a cell phone for like 2  months, so it has been a non-issue.

Other than that, and checking their usage, I don't know how to monitor much.  We've yet to find an app that allows you to see EVERYTHING they use the phone for.  So if you figure something out, please share with us!

Also, I just want to disagree with Harry.  BM tried to pull the "he needs the phone in an emergency" stuff too.  No kid NEEDS a cell phone.  We did not have cell phones.  I've been a teacher in several school districts, and cell phones have never been allowed in class.  That's simply untrue.

My boys are 13 and 15. Both have smartphones. They don't stay on them all the time. Youngest keeps his in his locker during school hours. Oldest carries his. Their schools have some sort of lockdown program that won't allow certain sites.

They're good kids as a result of watching their idiot stepsister and being raised with respect and to respect.

Neither use social media other than Google and YouTube. I know what they do on both because I check. I check internet history as well. We talk often about things happening in our community.

A scuffle with teachers at school for failing to put the phone away during class.  It's not like they are learning anyway as it is not required by BFFing Girhippo.

Cut the wifi off at bedtime for her using the ACL (make sure your router has a very complex password) Most routers have parental controls now.  No guest networks either. You can find some stuff out by having a faux instagram acct.

https://webwatcher.com/phone/index.html