It is two weeks exactly since I left and it could be two milion years- I seem to have left my old life so far behind it seems as if I may have dreamt it-but here's how this week has been:

Sunday- went to church with my daughter and grandson.The weather wasn't great but SIL cooked a good lunch and the kids enjoyed their indoor egg hunt. Apparently OSD posted on Facebook how wonderful it was to have chocolate for breakfast, how great her DH was for cooking lunch and that is was marvelous having daddy over for lunch too.

Monday- holiday here in Fairyland so took grandkids out sightseeing and generally relaxing. Cooked bolognaise for everyone in the evening.

Tuesday- holiday over and found out the little house I'd seen and wanted had gone to a young couple.  I was really disapointed and felt very low- but what had I expected? That everyting would just fall into place for me? I realised that I was going to be in for a very bumpy ride, and that not getting what I thought I had wanted might be a feature of my life for a few months. So we took the kids out to the park and I tried not to feel that I was causing problems for my daughter and her family. My five year old grandson told me he was upset that I had to get a new house- my old one had been perfect for the kids.I felt bad and very angry with The Ostrich for doing this to me and my family.

Wednesday- spent most of the day travelling back to my home town where I stayed the night at my sister's.

Thursday- property hunting again. Viewed one small house which was grubby and poorly maintained. Very depressing. Stayed a second night at my sister's. I think I may have to pay more to rent somewhere decent.

Friday- went back to my house for the first time in nearly two weeks. Not as sad as I thought I would feel, though seeing the spring flowers coming up in that lovely garden almost had me in pieces- but I stuck to my list of things to do and got it done. There will be another garden. Fetched  more clothes, jewellery, books and stuff for work. Signed the papers to put the house on the market sometime next week. Went for lunch with a friend. Did not see The Ostrich but it was obvious I had been, didn't leave a note or even tell him I'd signed the papers. He hasn't messaged me at all. It is almost as if he doesn't exist. I think that is the best way to deal with it. After a busy day travelled back to my son's house and for the first time ever spent time with both my children, their respective others and my grandkids. It was a real boost for me that I will be seeing much more of them together in the coming months. 

Today- after spending the night at my sister's where I am now house-sitting for a few days whilst she is on holiday,  I spent a busy day shopping and seeing the family again. It feels good to be home amongst familiar sights and the sounds of familiar voices. I did miss it so much. I still don't have a place to live but home really is where the heart is. I tried so hard to make a home for The Ostrich and myself but it was never to be... I am trying to stay focussed on the present and the future and not think too much about the past nine years. It feels almost as if it never happened...