It is a year since my disengagement, and a year since I discovered StepTalk. I had a different name then so the original posts are gone. However, I know that very little has changed in that year but these are the main ones:

My DH has changed into The Ostrich- he has turned from the man at my side to whom I could talk about anything, who I believed would be there for me for the rest of my life, who travelled with me to lovely places and shared adventures and made plans with me, who helped make our lovely home a place of pleasure and delight for everyone who came here- that man has gone and in his place is a strange creature with his head stuck in the sand refusing to see what is going on and waiting for someone to come and kick him up the bum!

I have been to sad places within myself but because of the help and support I've gained here and in other places I know that I can only live my own life- I cannot get his head out no matter how I try so I am just wandering around looking at the trees and the water and the pretty things and feeling glad that I still can do these things, but why can't he?

He is a grown man who has made his own choices and made it clear those choices don't include me. Who am I to judge that those choices are stupid?

My own choices are to make the most of every day- to enjoy my work, and be glad of my leisure, to take care of my health and get out in the fresh air as much as I can, to enjoy the company of my family and friends, to hug my grandkids and romp around and laugh with them, to contribute in small ways to the community I live in, and to support those who have a bigger role to play, to care for my garden and keep my home a place of relaxation and calm, to carry on learning, to sing and dance around my kitchen because I can, to enjoy a good book, an interesting film, to keep my brain active and my heart sensitive, to carry on planning holidays and adventures, and to carry on in the hope that one day he may lift his head and say, 'Wow, look at all the fun I'm missing!

His choice. Meanwhile, I'm living my life...