Your SO will need to bring it up with his mother if that's a battle he wants to have with her. I do understand the frustration, though. BM in my situation still has pictures of her and DH up in her home looking like a happy little family with the boys as newborns. She is even remarried and has those pictures on display.

The best thing you can do is change your attitude towards it. Really, it's kind of sad that your SO's mother can't move on even though her son has. It's just a picture. If she treats you like the other woman, then put your foot down and say you won't visit someone who doesn't treat you with respect. You'll learn very quickly if your SO is willing to stand up for you at that point.

Your SO should have dealt with this after he split with her. Maybe he asked them to remove it but they didn't. He should ask them to remove it anyways.

My in laws always had these type of photos of their 4 children with their partners. After DH and BM split it was immediately suggested it be taken down (by oldest SIL) and it was. I never even saw it thank god. They hated her anyway so I think that had something to do with it

Dh's mom lived in a different state than us and when we went to visit her, she had an 8 x 10 of Dh, Bm and Ss in her living room.  Dh and I were engaged at the time. 

I said something about it to Dh and he brought it up with his mom.

Seeing that picture made me uncomfortable too.

In her defense, I don't think she had very many pictures of Ss and Dh so she put up all that she had.  It just happened to have Bm in it too.

Hoonestly, I wouldn't say anything. It's her home, and she has the right to display what she wants. That being said, if it really bothers your SO and HE wants to approach her, that's up to him. Is it really a battle you want to fight?

My outlaws have an 8 x 10 photo af DH, BM, and the two boys on display in their living room. DH and BM have been divorced since 2010. Meh. It doesn't bother me. It's part of their history. We have no relationship with them these days, but when we did visit regularly, it didn't bother either of us. Whatever. Now if your MIL, like mine, keeps the photo up because she can't let go of BM and the happy little family fantasy, that could be an issue.

At least your MIL doesn't call you BM's name. Now THAT'S a slap in the face!

It is her home and she can choose what she has on her wall.  That being said, perhaps she has become "wall blind"?  Maybe the picture doesn't register with her?  It's just there.. and she doesn't notice it?  I probably wouldn't be as inclined to want it gone if it were a family picture in which the ex BM happened to be one of many people... but just the two of them?  She needs to understand how uncomfortable that is for everyone.

I also agree with those who say this is an issue that her son should address.  He should say that it is disrespectful to him and to the woman he is dating to still have it up.   Generally, I think kids should be the one to approach and handle their own relatives.. so it's on him to make sure it's not there on the next visit.

The way he can handle it is during a call.. Hey mom, I saw you still had the old pic of Cindy and me on the wall.  We haven't been together for 10 years and I really don't think it needs to be on display and it was especially uncomfortable when Confused saw it.  Can you take it down before our next visit.  here is a nice new kid picture you can hang in it's place.

You're not wrong- IMO that is part of the lack of society support divorced /re-married couples have.  And IMO parents should support the new relationship/marriage by removing the past reminder.  It's nothing more but passive agressive rudeness. You can have a relationship w/bm and keep the picture in a damn drawer.  I know I will never do that to my kids- my own mom would do things like that-I've had chats w/her until she understood.  But yes, IMO parents have an obligation to help support the new marriage and stop dreaming of the past.  Merryway-I find what you do incredibly offensive and rude honestly.

Also, can't you display the picture and then bring it down when your SS visits?  What relationship is more important after all?  The 'kids' don't give a damn about a picture displayed or not, your son, daughter, or stepkids and new partners do. 

If SO's Mom is anything like mine was, nothing in the house changes. Ever. She might not even consciously see that picture anymore. If your SO is uncomfortable having the picture up, he should say something to his mom. Doesn't have to be confrontational at all. He knows his mom and what her intent might really be.

Yes, everyone has the right to display whatever they like in their home, BUT when their child has moved on, divorced, and married someone else, they need to understand that it can create uncomfortable feelings to see the ex front and center every time they visit. I don't blame OP for not wanting to visit. SO should talk to his mother in this case. My inlaws had a picture of SO and BM "hidden" behind a plant last time we visited. It's not nice for the new spouse and says to them "you aren't as important as BM and our relationship with her." At least hide it during visits or put it in an album.

I would inform SO I would not be visiting MIL until it is removed. Then it's his problem to deal with. 

I had a similar problem when DH and I were first together.  He was separated and divorced from BM, lived with another woman for 4 years, and was with me for 2 years before we got married.  There was a newspaper clipping of DH and BM's wedding photo/anouncement in a frame on the wall still when we married.  I was really annoyed by it, and told DH I thought it was odd that there was still a picture of BM.  (I thought it odd not only because they were divorced, but also because MIL always claimed to hate BM.) When my brother divorced, my parents took all pictures of ex-SIL down pretty fast.  Just when DH was going to say something to his parents about it, his parents replaced the newspaper clipping with a picture of us.  I'm a bit surprised DH's ex-GF never asked them to take it down.

i know exactly how you feel. My DH’s mom had a wedding pic of my DH & BM on the wall in her dining room (with the wedding pics of DH’s siblings) for probably 6 mos or more after I first visited. I had to try to eat dinner with that thing turning my stomach! You bet I mentioned it to DH (then my BF.) I have no idea if it or when he said something. If I recall correctly, we eventually gave her one of our wedding pics to hang in its place and she finally replaced it. It  was hell to that point, however .

until it's not. Photos can speak volumes without ever saying a word.

In your case, I've no idea what the remaining photo you find so rude and offensive may be telling if, if anything. Reasonable questions for me to ask would be how often do you visit in your SO's mother's home and was this last Christmas the first visit in her home? 

As a MIL, I can tell you, you really don't want to walk into my home and tell me what I can display and what not to. I can just imagine how well you'd take it if I, if your MIL, walked into your home and started telling you how to do things or declaring you rude and disrespectful. Now, if this was your first visit in my home, you can assure yourself my intention would not have been to appear rude and/or disrespectful to you, or you would have never gotten the invitation to come in the first place. If you happen to visit me three-four times a year for an afternoon or dinner and I am welcoming and genuinely friendly and seem to like you very much, you can pretty well assume that photo on the wall is nothing more than probably the only semi recent picture I have. Which brings me to this:

you said "   I think she'll be getting a nice 8x10 photo this year for Christmas.  LOL"

Good idea. Why wait until Christmas?  I don't do family photos in my livingroom, but I do have some displayed in my 'me' space (my computer aka I want privacy my the rest of the household, reading, sitting, napping, hiding room). So, at my home, you'd probably would not have ever saw my display of photos. But I will tell you what you won't see if you did peek in there. You'd find some very nice photos of my family, my kids, my grandkids, and stepgrandson. The usual. What you won't see would be my SS. Why? Because every d*mn photo I have of the SS is either ridiculous 'mighty bike gang leader' looking or has one of his old GF's in it. I have a huge box upstairs on a shelve in my dressing room/closet that is nothing but many many photos of SS and yet another GF.

I would be thrilled to pieces if he would dress nicely and run down and have some current photos done of just him or just him and SGS.... h*ll, I would pay for them. I have offered to. In your case, as you are significant others, I would welcome a photo of SS with his SO (one that still is around and he cares for). Because it is awkward when a close friend or extended family makes their way into my 'me' room and looks at me and says 'where is a photo of SS'. My husband does have a few of bike gang looking SS hanging in DH's workshop (Dh's 'me' room and his hide-out). And no, SS isn't in a bike gang, he is just a Harley fan and loves riding. It just would be nice to see my handsome SS in something other than black leather from neck to foot looking like he just jumped off the bike from a long hard ride.

So yeah, get that current photo done and either give it to your SO's mother (Mother's Day is real soon), or mail it to her if long distance. She'll either be thrilled, and you'll find the old BM one gone the next time you visit her home.... or you'll find the new current one hanging next to BM. Worst case would be if the new one isn't hanging and BM still is. 

Oops, clumsy me. I bumped into it and it fell off the wall and broke. I’m so sorry! 

Oops, clumsy me. I bumped into it and it fell off the wall and broke. I’m so sorry! 

And not a permenant member of the extended family as far as she is concerned. How many partners has SO had since he divorced? How long have you been with him? This was the first time you met the woman and you are butt hurt she didn't 'respect' you and take a down a picture on her own home that you find offensive. 

If my daughter or son came into my home and brought a succession of partners I would not alter a thing because in a few months things will probably change again.

Also you Boyfriend has not said a word to her while dating his previous GF so why should she think anything different? Frankly I think all you should expect from your BFs mother is politeness, civility and a warm welcome into her home. All you should expect is kindness, friendliness and not to get food poisoning. You EARN respect. It isn't s right or something you can demand of someone in their own home.

If your BF hasn't had a problem with that photo being in his mothers home post divorce and with successive girlfriends then your issue is with him. Maybe his mother has strong moral standards and as you are not married she doesn't see this as a long term relationship. Ask your BF what gives. And maybe he can take his children for photos with just him and his children and gift it to his mother to replace the current old photo.

My parents have a family photo hanging in their hallway. They still like my ex but my sisters ex ...well he has a butterfly sticker over his face.

Can I ask where the BM is and the kid? My SO's parents still had a picture up of him and is ex girlfriend holding SS when he was kid. I was like ok. They kept it around for SS to show him when he asked questions about her because she is not around and they wanted to be honest.

One day I noticed it gone and never mentioned it. They replace it and that was that. Now SO still have pictures of her on his facebook from a long time ago at SS b-day party. (SO and her broke up before SS was born). She was invited and they took like one picture together with SS. Something to have for the future they were not together. I never asked him to take them down or anything. I think he keeps so he has them to show SS in the future or when asks questions.

Sometimes people hold on to things and keep things around for other people.

No, it's not my place to tell someone whose pictures they should display in their home. But I won't visit a home where they display a photo of Hitler, no matter how much they love him.

My MIL has a group photo that includes her other children along with grandchildren and my husband's second wife who is not the BM.  My DH does not like it being up at all and has subtly let her know he doesn't like it - like taking a magic marker to the picture (frame glass) and blackening her out.  Which she later cleaned off and now it is back up again.  I have not said anything to MIL but I will not sit in the room she has it in either.  The rest of her family hated the woman - they won't even call her by her name...I honestly am not sure why she keeps it up despite others asking her to take it down.  They (2nd HO and MIL) do not have any relationship.  Part of me does think she does it to make me feel uncomfortable and hopes for a confrontation but I am not going to go there.  So, I just avoid the room which is her sitting room.  It is her home...so I keep my mouth shut. Sometimes silence is better.    

I’ll preface this with - my inlaws have 5 grandkids, ranging from 25 to 3 years old, and the only photos they have displayed in their home, that are visible at least, are of skid. A lot of skid pictures. Not their oldest grandchild, not our children, or BIL’s child. Well, actually they probably have a few of our kids and BIL’s on their fridge or something. 

My MIL has a huge framed photo of DH and BM with skid when she was roughly 2 or 3. It’s like an 11x14 or something on a shelf in her dining room. DH asked his mom to take it down, because it felt inappropriate to have to look at a photo of his cheating ex wife, in his childhood home, plus BM isn’t even all too friendly with her inlaws on top of it. I remember DH putting a newspaper up against the frame, because his mom refused to put it somewhere else, like her room or something. I’m almost positive she leaves it up just out of spite. 

Thank goodness I no longer step foot in their house. I haven’t been there in almost 4 years.

A few years ago I reluctantly had professional photos taken with DH’s family, skid, and our kids. MIL gifted me the photo, at Christmas, in an 8x10 cheap ass frame. I refuse to display it, because I don’t want to look at her face - daily. She’s an evil wench.

OP, I think you’re feelings aren’t over the top. If my son came to me and asked me to take a photo down of him and his ex spouse, I’d at the very least move it to a spot where no one could see it but me.