pissed beyond belief
Ok so I am doing laundry today so I go in to SD room to get her chlose and I see a note book and it had weighting in it so I took a look. She wrote if she has another baby I'm going to cut myself or run away. me a Bf were just having a discussion in private about and she over hurd us supposedly. and she called me a ho also! I got a laptop for a early Christmas present. She got mad becuase I got one. She also said in her little note book that I get every fucking thing I want ha! Know I'm so mad! I don't know why shes like that to me I don't discipline her cause I feel it's not my place but for some reason she's hates me. Oh god help me....
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i understand your anger, i
i understand your anger, i really do. you have likely done absolutely nothing for this girl to feel this way. but it's how she feels. i would try very hard to not dwell on it, and i wouldn't say anything to her about it. let her feel however she wants to feel, even if she's got no reason for it. i know my sd can't stand me (but at the same time tries to force a relationship with me :? ), and i don't care because i can't stand her, either. i don't care what she says about me. the only time i get pissed is when she treats me with blatant disrespect. how she feels is all up to her, it's what she does about it that concerns me.
my own daughter had a bunch of stuff written down in a notebook when she was younger about a girl at school that she doesn't like. i found when i was going thru her work, and told her that it's ok for her to not like this girl, but she cannot be writing things like that at school. i bought her a journal and told her she can write whatever she wants to in it about whoever she wants to, but keep it at home. i told her she can write about me and call me a bitch when she's mad if she wants, i don't care, just keep her feelings in that journal and at home. i never did go in her room to read it, either. it was hers for her to purge her bad thoughts just like steptalk is for me to purge mine.
as much of a shit as your sd may be, she is entitled to her feelings without being in trouble for them. as long as she doesn't say these things to you or act nasty toward you, i think you should leave it alone. let her vent on paper. how she feels doesn't matter. how she acts does.
She uses her diary for
She uses her diary for venting...much like this site.
Try not to take it personally.
my SD does this shit too and
my SD does this shit too and then leaves it for me to find...but dumb ass that she is told me a long time ago when she gets frustrated at her BM when she was living there that she would write it down and stick it between her mattress and boxspring to upset her mother when she stumbled accross it...
I also stumbled upon SD14's
I also stumbled upon SD14's notebook once while trying to get the cat out of her room because she always forgot to shut her door. Since it was open on the bed, I glanced at it. Wrong, well, probably, but if she didn't want anyone looking at it she shouldn't leave it open.
Anyhow, in it, she said how she was miserable every time she had to come over. She said she wished she and her boyfriend (both were 13 at the time) could go off on their own and have lots of babies to love and she'd never allow him to treat her kids the way she is treated. Yeah ok. She constantly lied about me to everyone who would listen and made me out to be this horrible person who "stole daddy away from mommy"...WHAT? She knew at that point that mom cheated on dad, they went through 4 yrs of marriage counseling and he only stayed in the marriage for HER. Oh and the fact that I didn't even MEET him until he and her mom had been split up for a year?
I left the notebook where it was, grabbed the cat, closed her door and never told her or DH about what I read. I still think of it from time to time but I don't allow it to bother me anymore. I don't care what that little snot thinks of me!
I understand your anger and
I understand your anger and disappointment, but you have no business reading a diary that is not your own. Those are her private venting sessions and were not meant for your eyes.
She has a right to her feelings. She is writing them down with the understanding that her privacy will not be violated.
No matter how curious I would be, I couldn't imagine violating trust and reading someone's diary.
I've been told the same thing
I've been told the same thing by DH early on in our relationship. If you continuously LOOK for something, you'll likely end up finding it. Well, YOU look and I won't have to!
I get that DP. I was
I get that DP.
I was thinking of when I was a kid. All I had was the written word. Cell phones and computers weren't around back then. At least not in every day life.
I do agree computers and cell phones should definitely be monitored.
I was strictly speaking of a person's diary. If the privacy is earned, it should be respected.
i have to agree with this,
i have to agree with this, too. monitoring a kid's communication is a good thing to do, but unless there are suspicions of drugs, sex, etc, i think a diary should be left alone. even kids need to have their own thoughts, and sometimes writing them down is the only way to not be burdened by them. my mom and sf used to go thru my room constantly just to see what they could find. i wasn't doing anything wrong. no drugs, no school skipping, no sex, etc. they were just assholes. they did find things i had written about them a few times and i got to read it out loud to them and then get whipped with a belt for having MY OWN THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS about how they treated me. i know most parents/stepparents would not go to that extreme. i'm just explaining why i feel strongly that a diary should be left alone. i was a teenager with a POS mother and an abusive sf and i couldn't even write my thoughts down to clear my head and relieve some anger without getting more abuse for it.
I agree with you and I had a
I agree with you and I had a journal as a teen. However; I didn't want my parents looking at it so guess what? I didn't leave it laying wide open for anyone to see. I hid it. And not just under my mattress either! LOL I had a weak board in the floor under my carpet and hid that sucker good.
I didn't feel bad violating SD14's privacy because frankly, if something is supposed to be private and not looked at - why leave it on your bed where even DADDDDDDYYYY could see? I'm thinking she WANTED me to read it, so I'd know exactly how she felt about me but couldn't confront her because she could pull the "YOU READ MY JOURNAL!!!!" bullshit.
Oh well. Like I said above, I don't care what that snot thinks and I still don't feel bad for looking at it. Again, if she didn't want anyone to see it, she should've been responsible enough to tuck it away or even close the book. She didn't leave in a hurry that day, her bed was made, I know she had extra time because she ended up eating two bowls of cereal for breakfast. Oh did I mention she eats like a HOG??? :O
she probably did intend for
she probably did intend for you to see it. in my situation, it didn't matter where i hid anything, my mom and sf would spend the day while i was in school (lazy welfare rats NEVER worked) tearing my room apart to find things. i'm sure they were sorely disappointed the times they found nothing.
Damn that sucks ass. My
Damn that sucks ass. My daughter, also 14, keeps a journal too but not only does it have a lock on it, she hides it as well. She's constantly worried her father will look at it. He always tears through her room whenever he has time off work and she's at school. She said "I don't know what the hell he's looking for, mom, I'm not smoking, drinking, doing drugs, having sex - what could he possibly expect to find?"
that's exactly how i felt.
that's exactly how i felt. the only thing they ever found were some bitching rants about them, and gee, i wonder why i hated them so much! my sf got off on "punishing" me. he would use the lamest excuses to hit me with a belt, and my mom just let him. i know what he was hoping to find. when i was 13 and a f'g virgin, i had to have a physical for sports in school. when my mom and i came out of the dr office, my sf said in a cocky way "well, what's wrong with her?" apparently he didn't understand the concept of a mandatory physical. my mom told him "nothing, i guess." i guess? what a stupid bitch! then my sf sat there and shook his head in disgust. i know damn well that he was hoping and somehow just KNEW that the dr was going to say i was pregnant. i was a virgin! but in his head, i was a little slut and no way in hell was i not pregnant. he was just disgusted that i wasn't. how much sense does that make?
My DH had me check the
My DH had me check the history on SD17's laptop recently, as we assured her we would when we gave it to her. Not only was it full of porn, it was lesbian porn. Ya, that was a fun conversation to have. :jawdrop:
I too will monitor and check
I too will monitor and check any facebook, written communication, text, whatnot of anybody under the age of 18 in my household. I've never quite understood people's hangups about kid's "privacy". My children are not entitled to privacy until they are in their own home. Sorry. Any child living in my home is not entitled to privacy. Now, dont misunderstand I dont go thru my kids things all the time, as they really give me no reason, but when ss was here? oh, hell yeah, I went through his things. He has a LONG history of stealing, hx of drug use-you can bet your bootie that I will do whatever is necessary to find out what's up. As far as if I came upon him talking smack about me? I dont know, I'd probably just shrug my shoulders and go about my business. He doesnt write alot of stuff down, he just likes to talk bad about me which I've been aware of for years.
In years past, when my dh still had his head lodged up his ass, he used to also accuse me of going thru ss's stuff to "get him in trouble". He had even convinced himself that i had some sort of magical powers that I could make ss confess to crimes he didnt do. I am not sure what actually occurred to make dh's head fall out of his ass, but he wouldnt never say such things now.
shhhh. Dont tell my secret.
shhhh. Dont tell my secret.
my SD had a 'hate book' too.
my SD had a 'hate book' too. I found it and it made me unbelievably upset. I'm still so upset a year later. I don't trust her now. It's very hurtful. I'm sorry.