Anyone with fulltime stepkids?
I have a baby, a full time job (40 hrs (9-6)), a part time ss9 and a fulltime sd7 (different mothers). My husband and I argue constantly about managing our time. My sd is almost always the reason for our arguing. She is now 7 but when we got married, I was made to believe that she would only be spending a few months with us until her mother got back on her feet. Well, her mother after the years never got on her feet and seems to continually make worse and worse decisions. She is now in rehab (no idea for what- personally i think all her friends just stopped letting her sleep on her couch and she needed a new free place to stay) and I'm just thankful that we don't have to worry about where she is when she loses contact for months at a time.
Anyways, i never intended to have a full time sd and I feel like it is a huge wedge in our relationship. Of course because of the situation, there is no other option than to continue to work hard so my sd can have the things she needs. But because of the situation, there are lots of times where my husband needs to devote time to his other son (again different moms) so where does that leave me? In charge of watching his daughter. She and I have a less than perfect relationship. I never wanted to be a full time stepmom and every day makes me resent the situation more and more. It's a terrible feeling and my husband does not give me any more support than "she's your daughter now and she is your responsibility so you have to be an adult and deal with it". i know he's partially right, but I can't help my natural feelings of being dealt a bad hand. We're broke, her mom doesnt help, we can't even get a date night (my family lives 1000 miles away).
Anyone ever had a similar situation?
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I'm new to the area and don't
I'm new to the area and don't really know too many people. I'm starting to build friendships at work (i work in a finance company) but am trying to keep those relationships professional. In addition, because I work such long hours and have so many responsibilities at home, it's almost impossible for me to meet anyone.
We are considering making a move in the next month closer to my husband's mother and her first reaction was "don't think of me as an on-call nanny". So you can see how supportive she is... she is the best of the bunch. It makes me sad because my parents love all their grandchildren so much and I know that if we were with them, they would smother my son with love and affection. It's just not an option now.
"She's your daughter now and
"She's your daughter now and she is your responsibility so you have to be an adult and deal with it. HA! I don't know what alternate universe your DH is from but she is not YOUR daughter, she is HIS daughter so I suppose he should figure out how to raise that child as a single father. Unless you have given birth to, adopted or are otherwise her legal guardian you are not responsible for her. It seems he has become accustomed to you doing whatever it is you do for them and now has no appreciation for you.
I am not in the same boat as you. Skids only come over EOW and I was brutally honest with my SO from the start. I told him not to expect some kind of big happy family, I will interact with the Skids as I see fit. When they are here I can do whatever I want and I know that I will never be left to babysit or entertain HIS kids.
Take a step back from your "responsibility" and pass the buck to him on everything. She isn't your daughter, she is HIS daughter.
He's been very clear that if
He's been very clear that if I don't want to take her on as my own that I need to get out. It would be an easier situation if we didn't have a son together. I feel like it's an ultimatum and everyone loses.
Actually, she is not your
Actually, she is not your daughter and not your responsibility. I would be willing to bet he knew that he was going to end up with her full time.
How much does your husband actually do when it comes to SD? Would he be able to manage it on his own? I think he is bluffing and purposely putting a guilt trip on you so you will take care of his kid.
I will give him credit in
I will give him credit in saying that he does a lot. But I will also say that if I wasn't here, he would need to rely on someone else instead of me. He def can't do it on his own. Even just now we put the baby down to sleep and he immediately said that he'd be back in a bit because he was going to stop by his friends house. I asked if he was taking his daughter and he said she'll be fine, she's just in her room. He doesn't realize that he uses me as a free babysitter.
It's so sad because there
It's so sad because there really have been times where I, like you, spent MUCH more time with his daughter than he did. When I was pregnant, he took her out of daycare an made me watch her full time to save money. I think that was where the greatest amount of resentment built up and it's still constantly building. Can you offer some owords on how you've manged to take control of the situation?