Sorry sd, not my problem
In my house, I am the only one who cooks, cleans and does laundry. All I ask of the skids is that they bring their dirty clothes to the laundry room. I then wash, dry, fold and sort their clothes into piles. Then all they have to do it pick up each pile and put it in the correct drawer. Pretty sweet deal for the skids, right? Well, apparently SD thinks that's too much work on her part.
I want their clothes on Fridays after school, when they clean their rooms, but anytime up to midday on Sunday I don't complain about. So long as its early enough on Sunday that I can get it done before bedtime, no biggie.
Three weeks ago: SD leaves her basket outside my door (not in the laundry basket in the laundry room like she supposed to) on Tuesday night. I just stepped around it and left it there. I work ten hour days during the week, and with the commute and picked the kids up I am out of the house from 615 am to 7pm. The last thing I am going to be doing during the work week is laundry. Esp not for an ungreatful kid who is too friggin lazy to bring it to me when I ask.
We get home wed night and she gets a major attitude with me about how I didn't do her laundry and how its been sitting there for "three whole days". So she got a "come to Jesus" lecture about responsibilty and was told in no uncertain terms that I will not do laundry midweek. That if she wants her laundry done then she better get it to me on Friday like she's supposed to.
Two weeks ago: Got ss's laundry Saturday morning. Didn't get sd's at all that week.
Last weekend: Didn't get clothes from either skid. So now SD is out of school clothes. I bought each of them two weeks worth of school uniforms, so since SD hasn't brought me any clothes for two weeks, she's out. SS still has a week of clean uniforms since he brought me his laundry the week before.
They even had an extra day to bring me clothes this weekend since there was no school on Monday. They both watched me folding and putting away clothes all weekend. And never lifted a finger to bring their clothes.
So last night at bedtime, SD takes her basket and leaves it infront of my bedroom door again. Doesn't say anything, so I don't see it until I was heading to bed. Tough shit SD, I am not going to stay up all night doing your laundry. I go back to the livingroom to Dh and say "Im love how SD could not be bothered to bring me her clothes all weekend and then leaves her basket in front of our door at bedtime .... As if I am going to stay up all night washing it for her". He sighs, "so SD doesn't have any clothes for school tomorrow, that's what you are telling me?" (aggitated, but I am not sure if he's aggitated at her, or me for not.being on top of it). My reply "Im bought her two weeks worth of school uniforms".
Chose not to mention that I knew full well that she didn't have any school clothes because I knew I haven't done her laundry in two weeks. Then he would blame me and let her completely off the hook.... Since I knew and let it happen anyways. So I decided to be honest, but vague.
This morning: SD went to SS to borrow a shirt (she apparently knew better than to come to be and ask for her clothes). SS came and asked me if he had to give her a shirt. I told him that I wasn't getting involved. He ended up giving her a shirt. Dh didn't even notice any of this, I am sure he's forgotten about the laundry entirely.
I can pretty much guarentee that he is not going to do her laundry today, even though he doesn't go into work until 3pm. He will step around her basket all day and never give it a second thought. But one way or another, this is coming to a head this week. SS doesn't have enough school uniforms to lend to her all week, since he didn't have his clothes washed this weekend either. So either they both run out of clean clothes on Thursday, or SS wisest up and does the math and refuses to share with her tomorrow. DH will flip that I didn't do her laundry after work, and i will sit back and do nothing. Not my problem.
I can hear it now... "what do you expect her to do!?!....... Not my problem. That shall be my answer to every comment on this issue.... Not my problem. I did all the laundry that was left for me in the laundry room..... And that is all I shall do until next weekend. And if that's a problem for anyone, then they can do their own damn wash.
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She is 9. And it is def a
She is 9. And it is def a powerplay.... We have several going on right now in fact.
Yep, with us 100% for the
Yep, with us 100% for the past 6 years.
My hesitation with having them do their own is that, that honestly sounds like more work for me. Their clothes would constantly be in the way of me getting my laundry done, I have to co stantly be on them to move theory clothes along, they'd bitch that the washer or drier was in use and they weren't able to do their clothes, their clothes would be a wrinkled mess and I would have to hear about it from Dh, clothes would he ruined and need to e replaced. But the biggest reason is because I wouldn't have dhs support or backing so it would just be a nightmare for me to implement.
When my kids got old enough
When my kids got old enough to "forget" to bring me thier laundry on top of being lazy when they didn't properly put awat clean clothes and would just leave them on the floor then stuff them in their hamper when they had to clean their eooms I got sick if washing clean stuff and informed them I would no longer do their laundry. This started at about 8 yrs old for both my bois. I will remind them once on their day then it's on them. SO will do it and I've reminded him it's their responsibility not his. He is getting better but reminds them a lot. They are now 11and and 16 and so I got on them about taking advantage of SO if they don't do their laundry then they will be without clean clothes.
Why I do everyone's laundry:
Why I do everyone's laundry: it just started out that way. The skids were preschool aged and do their own, and I just (stupidly) took on the mother role. Over the years I have tried to change this and it turns into more hassel than its worth, so I just keep doing it. Taking ten minutes to fold their clothes is a lot less aggrivation for me than yelling and arguing everyday over laundry.
I didnt bite her head off for a few reasons. 1. I have decided not to stress myself over the skid crap anymore. 2 wouldn't have done any good anyways, she never listens. 3 I don't have dhs backup when it come to SD a lot of times, so I figured why bother. I knew it would happen again. So I decided to calmly lay the ground work to knock any excuse down next time. She had fair warning.
Yes, Dh will flip because it means he has to get off his ass and do something. Either discipline his kids, pedi their laundry himself. He gets upset whenever an issue comes up that is feels is unfair to his kids. He was raised as an only child by a stay at home mom, so he believes that the skids shouldn't be expected to do anything, and as the "mom" of the house its all my responsibility.
Who made me the maid: Honestly, I do have to take a lot of the blame on that one. I took that role on willingly in the begining, thinking that we would function as a normal family. Over the years Dh has slowly begun doing less and less. At first I didn't even notice it, and when I did it always ended up in a fight. After countless fights, where at the end of it he never started doing more, I just stopped asking.
If that's what works in your
If that's what works in your home, than so be it. I think you're completely in the right here and have every right to ignore the laundry during the week (not that you need my approval lol).
Let SD suffer the consequences, although, it sounds like you will get some backlash too :/
I do have to admit that I got
I do have to admit that I got a lot of satisfaction in seeing SD have to go to school in her older brothers polo shirt. A boys shirt and too big on her.
They make these awesome
They make these awesome little packets for laundry detergent. Just pop one in & off you go. Think DH needs to teach these kids to do their own laundry.
sd20 always used to pull this
sd20 always used to pull this shit of starting her laundry late at night and then expecting fdh to stay up and finish it so she would have clothes for school the next day. the idiot always did it, too. lazy little brats is all they are.
You created this monster.
You created this monster. Lol. I did the same thing when I first got married to DH. Not with skid, but chores and such.
I sat DH down and told him that I just could not keep up. He was going to have to start helping around the house more and start washing his own clothes. Then show little miss 9 year old how to run the wash. If you do not want to do that, then keep washing and drying her clothes, BUT let her fold and hang them.
My DH was GREAT with this…I am not sure your DH will take it very good because he sounds like an ass. Sorry.
I agree with SMO2, if this is
I agree with SMO2, if this is what works for you in your house then there's no need to change. If it's a well-known fact that because of your schedule you only do laundry on the weekends, then that's on everyone else if they can't get their stuff to you by Friday evening/Saturday morning.
I do the same thing -- if it's not in the dirty clothes hamper, it doesn't get washed. I'm not going to go looking for it, nor am I going to do special 1 or 2 item loads because someone "NEEDS" that pair of jeans washed.
If I were you, I'd reinforce the laundry boundary by making it very clear to everyone that YOU don't run the washer/dryer Monday - Thursday (or whatever days). The laundromat is only open Fri-Sun. If they want to do their stuff during the week, feel free. But you will not take responsibility for stuff left in the washer to get stale (ick), ruined clothes, etc.
Honestly, it doesn't work. I
Honestly, it doesn't work. I just haven't come up with an effective way to change it. Everytime I try to make Dh and the skids help it just turns into more work and aggrivation for me. For years I was really pushing responsibilty with the skids and had them do chores and help with cleaning...thinking that if I just put the hard work in that it would be better in the long run. Now 6 years later, Ive pretty much just given up.
It's pretty sad that my 3 yr old is literally more help to me than ss10, Sd9 and Dh combined.
If you've followed my blogs, I have recently been drawing a fee lines in the sand to start getting some respect back in this house, but its a slow process.
Then the only line you need
Then the only line you need to draw is that you do NOT do laundry Monday thru Thursday, period. Don't even offer "it's your choice if you want to do it on Tuesday" thing. Just tell them the laundry room is CLOSED.
Here's how I deal with the
Here's how I deal with the laundry at our house. SS20, does his own. By doing his own I mean he PAYS a laundromat to do it for him. FINE BY ME. I do mine, DHs and BS14. I tell BS to sort his laundry. I throw it all in the hallway in sorted piles, so he just has to add his to the piles. I usually do laundry on weekends. But if for some reason it gets late, anytime during the week, I'll toss in a load. I don't particularly enjoy doing laundry, but it's one of those mindless things I do between tv shows.
I have however been very tempted to let BS14 wear his stinky, dirty, wet, football uniform when I ask him to take out his uniform so I can throw it in the wash and he neglects to do it. Even DH was telling me NOT to wash it and that I should let him wear the stinky uniform to practice. I would, except I do pick ups and I'd probably throw up if I had to have him in my car smelling like death for 25 minutes. Sighs.... All kids are retarded.
You are going to have to
You are going to have to slowly, but firmly pull out of this cycle. You have to do it, it is called self respect and it will only get worse and worse, and drain you dry.
Put your clothes at her door, in a basket.
Can you teach her how to do
Can you teach her how to do it herself? That would solve all of these issues.
In my house, you bring it down. Period. (I do laundry at least 3-4 times a week, if not daily.) I WILL NOT go looking fot it, collecting it, reminding you to get it, etc. The only place there's a laundry basket is in the laundry room. That's where it goes if you want it washed. Period.
And those are my bios.
I did all this too with no
I did all this too with no thanks from anyone. Like OP, all they had to do is carry their laundry basket to the laundry room. I guess it's too much for them because I only get the basket every 3 months and then have to spend 2 entire days doing it.
This summer I started to refuse to do it. I'm also hiring someone to come clean my house this week. I will no longer be their maid.
Oh yeah, and my youngest stepshit SS15 makes fun of everything I cook and then has a snide remark if I make ready made frozen meals. I told my H this weekend that he can stop an buy the ingrate, fat-ass fast food every night because I also will no longer be cooking for him.
I've been married 7 misery-filled years. The kids and ex-W treat me like shit and I'm done with all of it.
I've started counseling. Either things change or I'm out.
Oh I've had these battles
Oh I've had these battles too! I tend to do all the laundry in the house, for the most part. Why? Because it's one chore I sorta like. My ds13 does almost all his laundry himself. I've never particularly asked him to do, but taught him how to use the washer/dryer a couple of years ago and in the last year or so has just taken on that chore himself. Cool. My dd10 and dd14 primarily "let" me do their wash, although both are known to start loads of their own laundry. All the kids help fold especially during the week. I dont ever go looking in their rooms for laundry-they bring it to the laundry room and stick it in the dirty clothes basket-if they dont start it themselves.
Now, my ss14 was a different story. When he moved back in at teh end of February-I started out doing his laundry as well. However, I found myself having to go back to his room and fish his dirty clothes out of there. Well, I was ok with this for a while-he hadnt lived here full time in a couple years so maybe he didnt get the routine. So after a few weeks I told him that the dirty clothes needed to be brought to the laundry room-that I would willingly do his laundry-he just needs to bring it out-if there was something special he needed asap all he had to do was ask. Well, that was the kiss of death. SS does not like to ASK me for anything (he will accept things I do for him, but it's like beneath him or something to ask me for anything)nor does he, in general,like to follow any direction I may give him-even if it benefits himself. So he completely stopped bringing his clothes out at all. He has a bedwetting problem to boot-so there reached a point in which he literally had 5-6 wet blankets, probably 10-12 mildewy towels, and essentially the bulk of his wardrobe on his floor. He would grab a few outfits at a time, sneak into the laundry room and do those, and leave the rest of the crap to stink up the house. I finally took away at least half his wardrobe. Told him he couldnt have them back until he washed the sheets and blankets. He never did-after two months he never completed the task of washing all the blankets and towels-however when he moved out in June, he must have found where I stashed the clothes because they are now gone. It was a power struggle plain and simple. Doing as I asked would have benefited him and it's not like it was some complex task-he just got more of a kick out of being defiant then listening.
If I were you I wouldnt sweat it. Wash the clothes when you feel like it. Let them do without if they cant follow simple instructions.