Here's my take, as an ex-SAHM with a man who worked outside the home and who seemed to think that that was all he should be expected to do.

First, even though your wife stays at home, she works. She works from the time she gets up in the morning until she goes to bed at night. Not every single minute, but she's on call 24/7. At no point does she get to come home from work and sit on the couch. She takes her breaks when she gets them, if she gets them.

One of the biggest frustrations that I had with my EX was that he did not recognize that what I did was WORK. Picking up toys, making dinner, folding laundry are not simply 'woman movements'. Taking care of the house and kids is constant, dehumanizing, mind-numbingly dull, unpaid and largely unappreciated WORK. I don't know what your job is, but I doubt that it involves poop, vomit, snot, and drool.

Your wife WORKS on the same number of hours of sleep per night as you do. She gets up when the baby cries, so she's WORKING at 2, 2:30, 3. You say that you work your butt off at work and at home. Does work at home include changing the baby? If it's work when you do it, it's work when your wife does it.

She isn't asking you to do anything she isn't already doing herself. It appears that you think you should have a full night's sleep because you WORK, and that she can forfeit one because she doesn't. But she DOES.

You both have the exact same problem, which is that the baby is not sleeping through the night. At three months she should be sleeping, pooping, playing and nursing like a boss.

There are steps you can both take to get that to happen. Google "getting a baby to sleep through the night". Here's a link to the Mayo Clinic: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/baby-sleep/FL00118

Probably the single best thing to know is that you don't have to go to the baby every time she fusses. Wait a few minutes. Give her a chance to fall asleep on her own.

You and your wife should make getting the baby to sleep through the night a goal.

I have so much empathy for you!! I've been there & it's so very tiring & hard!!!

My little girl is now 8. She's growing in leaps & bounds and is such an amazing little girl :)!! However, when she was a newborn & up until 8 looooooong mos old-- she had the worse case of Colic ya ever did see!! Poor kiddo didn't sleep but literally every other hour (at the most). That was one of the most trying times of my existence let me tell ya!! Here I was a new inexperience mama to a beautiful screeming baby!!! Oh Lord, I had moments I thought I wasn't going to make it!!! Sleep deprivation does some crazy crazy things to a sane persons mind!!!

I was on only 6 wks of maternity leave. My (now ex) hubs at the time flat out could not handle her screaming bits for longer then a half hour tops & frankly his mom was useless in the help dept as well. I was completely flying solo!! I did ok for the first 4 wks or so Then life kinda became a big blur of endless nights up walking around with my little bundle of joy as it was the only thing that stopped her blood curdling screams. It was horrible!!!!!!!!

During this time, my hubs slept peacefully in our bedroom without me (with earplugs in). I was furious. I was hurt. I was downright doing it all on my own. It was hard getting maybe collectively 3-4 hrs sleep a day. When id beg him with very tear filled eyes to help me, he'd lie & promise to take over for me that night-- yet he'd play this cat & mouse game of "I have to work-- do it yourself". Honestly I had nights & days that I literally wanted to kill him!!! I thought we planned this baby, & tried for 4 yrs to have her--- and now he threw me to the wolves when I really needed him. To tell you the truth- it did a ton of damage to the marriage. This continued on until one very amazing night when she was about 8 mos old. She simply stopped the colic one fateful night & started sleeping. Albeit only 4 hr stretches at night-for years- but he'll, I'll take it!!! Lol

I swear on my life- even tho my DD is now 8-- the kid is by far the Worst sleeper out there!! She still doesn't sleep much. Nobody can figure out why. At best she will sleep maybe 3-4 hrs then wake up & it takes the poor kiddo an hour or more to get back to sleep. She only manages about 7-8 hrs sleep Max a night. Most nights 6. My ex- hubs solution? Put her in bed with him. That only makes matters worse for me on my end. But I cannot control what he does.

My point here is this. Your wife gave birth to your wonderful baby & it sounds like she is starting to really struggle now with the lack of sleep. I know it has to be hard on both of you!!!! Even tho she's a stay at home mommy- all people only function on poor sleep for only so long. Yes, you DO need proper sleep since you work outside the home- ohhhhh but trust me, she works all day & all night with your baby, her son & the household.

Why not propose a "plan" with her? Try alternating nights for just a bit with her? That way each of you can get some proper rest? Try talking to her-- but plz be careful about the "I work" thing with her. She has a newborn to take care of all day & all night. It's one hell of a "job" too!!

Btw- congrats!!!! Try to give your wife off a couple nights. In return shell give you the same. It's all about compromise!!! & "this too shall pass". Hopefully sooner rather then later!!

And would this have much to do with the reason she was a single parent to begin with? Just wondering.

There's no reason a baby at 3 months should wake up so much. Go get the Secrets of the Baby Whisperer book...it is great! My son actually had stomach issues among other things and he still slept pretty well during the night.

Sorry, I think what she is doing is extremely unreasonable. While I was a stay at home mom, which was only 2 1/2 months after my baby was born and I had a c-section, I never woke up my husband at night for any reason, as I knew he was working and I had the rest of the day to rest when the baby slept. I don't understand it. Yes, being a SAHM is sometimes frustrating, as we do get lonely, etc...but other than that, there is no way that with all the hours you work so that she can be a SAHM she should be complaining so much.

You really need to sit down and agree on some type of schedule for each of you. If you are barely home and sleep less hours, she MUST take that into account. If she doesn't, sorry to tell you, she is pretty selfish.

DH worked full time and went to school when we had two under two and the oldest didn't sleep all the way thru the night let alone the youngest.

I did all the nighttime wake ups because my husband said he couldn't fall asleep at work. I don't want to say he NEVER helped, but it was maybe 15% of the time.

At the end of two months like that, I literally wanted to strangle my husband. I loathed looking at him and actively started to hate him. I begged him to take some time off school...he wouldn't. I begged him to take more vacation days. He wouldn't.

You are 100% right that in your line of work, if you have to be awake and alert, she should take care of the baby. But being right isn't going to stop your wife from hating you as she gets up for the fifth time while you're snoozing away.

Take time off, take a break from school, if you can to help your wife. It's just probably for the next two months or so.

If you can't do any of that, find the money to hire a babysitter to come in twice a week or so for four hours to watch the baby while wife takes a nap.

You just need something to help both of you get thru the next few months or so. Then things should settle down.

I sympathize with BOTH of you. I understand her late night "I can't take this. He should be up to". I have a 15 month old that I strictly breastfed. The fact of the matter is she really SHOULD not be waking you up. I know its hard in the middle of the night exhausted and frustrated but I dont think getting you up too is ok. This coming from a SAHM. One thing I would like to suggest is possibly getting baby on a schedule. I know every baby is different and some don't sleep well ect. I know with nursing the temptation is to just nurse when they get fussy but perhaps she is training her wrong. Babywise is a great book I used as a guideline. I don't think theres always an exact answer for any kid, but if your daughter is turning nursing into a play time you will both be frustrated for months to come. She should be giving you guys a good stretch of sleep. Now before anyone thinks Im telling you to let your daughter cry it out or go hungry, my daughter never once has had to cry it out. I know a lot of nursing moms who end up frustrated responding to an on demand style parenting. A child-led schedule might work wonders in giving your wife a bit of her sanity back. I know this is sucha rough time for her.