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DH has decided to leave me and our children

newmom01's picture

Submitted by newmom01 on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 9:03pm

I can not believe this, (this) episode was because I said I did not want to add an extension to the house....I bought my home before I ever knew he existed. It is a newly built home that I designed, I bought this home in 2003. I had no kids or anything just me. Why would i want to add on to this home? I dont want another big financial responsibility on me. And the other OLD issue arises again about his 2 older boys 10 and 9 getting the bigger room and letting OUR 1 and 2 year old boys that stay there 24/7 moving into the small room. Why would I do that when they only come over every other week for only 2 days????????

And this was the final straw for him he says. I had to take a xanax to calm my nerves....which my dr., gave to me a few weeks ago because of all the stress from him, his mom and dad, his ex wife, his damn kids, his car issues....He was driving me crazy but I was hanging in there.... And he pulls this **** ! After everything I did for him hell I bought the car he is driving now. And he made it very clear that this was not a seperation, but we were actually going to get a divorce. I am still in shock ....I feel like such a fool, I have taught and showed him things that he should have learned early in life like how to have a bank account, cook, do laundry, maintain a household instead of going from pillar to post, how to make groceries for the week and so on and so on .....and know that he thinks he is hot shit he thinks that he can do better on his own .....I am so angry and hurt right now

Comments

Stepcop's picture

Submitted by Stepcop on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 9:09pm

Oh wow, I'm so sorry! He sounds like he is being a real a-hole. Maybe when the waters have calmed things will work out, if you are still willing.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Submitted by 20YearsAsAStep-Mom on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 9:09pm

You are better off without him and his baggage. That is terribly selfish and ludicrous to have the kids that live there 24/7 in the smaller room. What a doofus. Relax - take some deep breaths - you will be fine without the selfish idiot. Take care and give yourself a hug. Hugs ((()))

sometimesmomof123kids's picture

Submitted by sometimesmomof1... on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 9:33pm

^^^^AGREE^^^^ It may hurt now, but you are probably better off without him. The logic about the room is totally backward. Our SD had an entire room when she only came over 4 days per month and my DS and SS shared a room during those same 4 days. If they had been the same sex (the SK's) they would have shared and DS would have had his own room even though he was younger. In fact when we first bought our house they shared the attic that was a HUGE space with 2 cubby-like rooms and a giant playroom with built in closets and dressers that the original owner made for his 2 daughters. Then we realized half of our square footage was never being used and we made it a master bedroom and office and work/play area for DH's hobbies and gave the 2 boys the larger 2nd room and SD the 3rd which was still a decent size. The facts are that the person living in the home needs more space and also respect for their things from the ones who come over EOWE. SS even suffered from sharing with DS because he was older and DS was messier and he could never be alone. He sounds unreasonable and you will survive and become stronger for this experience. Good luck!

Purplemom's picture

Submitted by Purplemom on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 10:22pm

This^^^^^^^

I was in my marraige counselors office falling apart the Day XH left (for his best friends fiancee, who he was cheating with all along while pretending to work on things)

And he told me "Just wait, you can't see it yet, but this is the best day of your life" and it really was. I think of all the stupid crap I just had to suck up because I was married to that douche and I can't compare how I feel now (free, hopeful, HAPPY) to how I felt then (trapped, controlled, fear, unloved)

LRP75's picture

Submitted by LRP75 on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 9:12pm

(((HUG)))

I am so sorry! That's crazy that he was so willing to walk away over that stuff. I pray that YOU get some rest and some peace so that you can figure out what is best for you and your kiddos.

newmom01's picture

Submitted by newmom01 on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 9:21pm

thanks guys ....but in all honesty he did say that he would continue to pay his share of household bills till october and the kids daycare, but how is he gonna be able to do that with his own rent utilities, food, gas and his child support he is currently paying? And he said that he would have to pay extra because of all his broken leases. I can handle the household bills because I did before he came, BUT I did not have two small kids in daycare....I work full time ....thats the only thing im scared about

Purplemom's picture

Submitted by Purplemom on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 10:24pm

GO get a lawyer and get an order for support ASAP. If he wants to be an unreasonable, selfish little bitch then he can do that and figure out how badly the consequences of that are going to hurt.

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Submitted by stepmomto3bioto1 on Thu, 08/16/2012 - 8:35am

I'm so very sorry girl!!! Hugs!!! What an asshole!!! You deserve so much better!! Let the jerk go, you will be better for it & you will go on to be a successful, strong woman & mother. While he will only go on to be a huge disappointment & jerk!!!! Go get a lawyer ASAP and hit him HARD financially & protect your kids financially!! He's a loser & just lost the best woman he ever could have had!!! Trust me, someday (if not already) he will realize just how pathetic he is!!! I say-- good riddance to him! Stay strong girl, and come here for support all you need!!! We are here for ya!!!

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Thu, 08/16/2012 - 8:48am

He's an asshole and you have just been freed from a long life of misery. FUCK HIM. Now he can go live in a 1 bedroom and have a blow up mattress for his darling kids because he won't be able to afford ANYTHING ELSE. Good for you, you will be FINE. Believe me, you will be BETTER OFF!

supermom123's picture

Submitted by supermom123 on Thu, 08/16/2012 - 10:21am

Everyone is right ... get an official order for support & they'll garnish his wages (they do in Texas anyway) so that you won't have to ask over & over where the check is. I am in shock, and I don't even know you, but two children 1 & 2? It will be tough, but you can do this & you'll be happier in the long run. My husband left when our son was 10 months old -- I thought I would die, but I didn't... that was 22 years ago. My son has lived with me all these years & we are very close. He loves his father, too, whom he has visited all these years ... but my son knows that I'm his rock. You'll be okay. Just GET official orders for support. And don't worry about all the other bills he has -- he'll figure it out, believe me. P.S. Obviously the children who live in the house full-time need the bigger room, for goodness sake.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 08/16/2012 - 12:14pm

I seriously doubt he can do better on his own. Do what you need to do to protect you and yours.

anafiodorova's picture

Submitted by anafiodorova on Thu, 08/16/2012 - 12:15pm

Let him be. He was not good for you before and he is not good for you now. They never change no matter what we try to teach them. I walked away from somebody similar.He thinks he is hot shit too... I am glad that I did not marry or had children with him.

Nurture and give all the love and compassion that you have for someone that will actually value it. My mistake and your mistake is that we directed it towards somebody who never appreciated it.Once they show us how little they value us and think of us it is time to save out self respect and dignity and just move on.

The issue over which we ended our engagement( we were supposed to sign a marriage license in a week) was that I asked him to call his daughter rather than text her back and forth all evening. I just did not like it provided he spend the whole weekend with her and I just wanted the evening dinner time for us. That exploded into him calling me jealous and accusing me of not allowing him to communicate with his daughter. Ridiculous - yes, stupid, yes. Was it worth it - ask him not me. His daughter continued to text him in the subsequent evenings around 7 - 8 p.m. I did not like that and asked him to call and have a talk with her and ask her if there was something wrong. Instead of understanding and validating my feelings he locked himself in the bedroom and emerged to tell me that he does not want to invest in the relationship. Childish - yes, stupid - yes. He lost me forever- yes.

After 10 months of no contact he send me an e mail. I deleted it and I am moving on...

From my experience the sooner you remove yourself and save your sanity- the better. Get all the support from family and friends and go on focusing on loving your children and those around you who appreciate you. Just let it be and protect yourself. Support will come and daycare will be taken care of.

Do not engage in talks, conversations or anything that will emotionally hurt you and your feelings. Just do not engage him and let him be. If you engage there will be more damage for you.

He is stupid and childish and does not understand partnership and emotional needs in marriage. Too self absorbed and obviously thinks that he can treat you as a doormat.Let him go ...

z3girl's picture

Submitted by z3girl on Thu, 08/16/2012 - 1:50pm

I'm so sorry! I was just in this position LAST WEEK! DH left me and our two boys last week. He left for 4 days (during which our 16 month old had his first fever and stomach virus) and I was a complete wreck.

The night before he came back, he texted that he was coming back the next day and we needed to discuss our issues. I wrote, "Yes, we need to discuss you abandoning your children" and that totally set him off. He said it confirms what he feels we need to do. The next day came and he didn't say a word.

I'm still waiting for him to discuss what happened. He's acting mostly normal, except we are distant from each other when alone.

It's funny that I found an old IM from early in our marriage. I said I was going away for a few days to cool off, and he told me that if I left, I had better take enough to move out because he didn't believe in just leaving on breaks. Seems like he's very one sided.

I'm not making drastic decisions because we have children, but I did meet with a legal advocate yesterday to prepare myself.

I hope things work out for you, in the way you want it to.