A few years ago my mom up and left. She went to another state where she had family for a "job" to support the family and never came back. My sister was 13 and my brother was 16. My dad was left with these two teenagers by himself with no explanation of what was going on. My sister went to visit family in the state and soon met mom's bf. I have also met him and have no problem with him. I do have a problem with her though. My daughter was young when she left and my mom makes no effort to make contact with my daughter or my sister. I believe she communicates with my brother often (he's her favorite). I'm just pissed off because my daughter and sister were close to her. This has also left my sister alone at a time where she needs mom the most. I live about 2 hours away but I try and make it to whatever I can and be there for her now.

Problem: My daughters birthday party is coming up. Normally we don't really do parties because she prefers to take a bunch of friends somewhere. She is 8. Well my mom's mom has already mentioned that EVERYONE including my mom will be there. My dad has been going thru some rough stuff with my sister and brother. He also has been there for me through and through. He is paying for a lot of my daughters party and doing alot of the cooking at my house. I know if mom brings BF it is going to make Dad very uncomfortable and he will leave. He's always been bad at dealing with emotions. He has tried to divorce her but no one can find her to serve her. I know he can do it without her but he has taken on a serious financial hit from her suddenly leaving and expenses of teenagers. She won't even tell my brother where she lives or works. She calls from G-maws house.

What should I do? Our family has dealt with situations before and normally if there's no divorce in place, you don't bring others. I agree with this. I know alot of lady's men on here are still married and I feel empathy for them so I want to go about this the wrong way. Should I talk to her before hand and tell her no BF? Is that fair? Should I wait and see what happens? Mom and family would be coming from 3 hours away. I don't know what to do and I don't want to hurt anyone. I could really give a shit less about mom anymore bc of what she's done but I know my daughter and sister would really like to have her there.