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What is the role of the parent?

misskiya's picture

Submitted by misskiya on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 10:45am

I've been absent from the site for a while trying to sort things out with DH and SS5. I've finally reached the point where I have to come back and vent.

I had a frank "discussion" (and I'm using that term VERY loosely) with DH last night and again this morning. I think we're really on different pages with the what the role of a parent really is. His opinion is that children will figure most things out (social graces, respecting a teacher, how to interact kindly) by themselves. I say they need to be taught, and that's what parents are for. He thinks I'm too strict, hold the children to different standards (of course one is 5 and one is 8), and that I'm a prude. Why am I a prude? Because I don't allow the children to flick soda at other tables in a restaurant, I don't let them dance around and bump into people in a queue, and I don't let them talk back and goof around with the cart in the grocery store.

So it begs the question be asked "what is the role of the parent?"

Why are we here? To teach our children socially acceptable behavior? To set high expectations and help them achieve that bar through guidance and discipline?

Or are we here to feed them and clothe them and let them discover how to do these things on their own? Are we here to be their best friend and support them in their behavior good or bad?

So confused right now.

Comments

Peaches1973's picture

Submitted by Peaches1973 on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 11:02am

You are absolutely right,as parents and sparents (if they so choose) it is our job to make sure our kids and skids have the skills they need to interact with the world at large.Kids arent born with manners,a sense of responsiblity and social skills.I deal with this myself.The skids have always had everything done for them and havent been told that things like interupting adult conversations and going out to play without asking an adult are unacceptable.There must be boundries,limits and rules in order to have a peaceful family life and I beleive a child that has limitations and knows whats expected of them is a happier and more secure child and in turn becomes a better adult.

Not_what_I_wanted's picture

Submitted by Not_what_I_wanted on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 11:49am

Totally agree with above comments. I have rules, I expect my BioSon and my SD to both follow them. DH only sees me enforcing them with SD, of course. He thinks BioSon gets away with doing nothing. This is a case of what he perceives, not what is really going on. Over protective of SD is the biggest problem. That child has no manners, has no responsibility and when she does something around the house (that she is supposed to do anyway) she expects to be thanked and awarded. NOT gonna happen. You live here, you help with the household work. Nobody gets a free ride.