How to handle being a new SM
I'm 25 years old and just becoming a step mom. My husband and I have been together for a year now and he has just been granted joint custody. We have my SD3 ( step daughter age 3) week on week off. The BM is irresponsible and the sd3 is not yet potty trained or disciplined in any way. She is constantly throwing fits if she doesn't get what she wants and is very bratty and disrespectful to all adults. I have no children of my own but I played a very active role in my nephews lives as my brother was a single dad and personally I feel she is falling behind other children her age in all aspects. My husband works long hours so for most of the day it is just me and SD. How active of a part do I play in the discipline? How do I help her learn things without overstepping my boundaries?
Thank you for the advice.
Thank you for the advice. This is a new thing for me and I am afraid she will tell BM bad things about me (she constantly lies about things to manipulate people) and the BM will retaliate by making the custody arrangements difficult. She is just that kind of person.
Read stepcoupling with your
Read stepcoupling with your DH.
Wow - that's pretty young for
Wow - that's pretty young for 50/50 split of physical custody.
I just read a study that shows such arrangements are upsetting for children who end up feeling rootless at either house. Note I didn't use the word home because that's exactly what these kids don't have. They're just bounced around much like a foster kid in the system. I'd highly recommend that Daddy tell his ex-wife that until the child turns 14 he should be in one home or the other and frankly at this age that should be with his mother.
He can extract an agreement that he be included in all major decisions such as medical treatment down to more minor ones such as should money be spent on extra-school activities such as football or dancing lessons - whatever.
As it stands now neither his Daddy or his Mommy can effectively co-parent and the child will never be able to adapt to either home. If he were a teenager one could tell him that he's almost an adult and different rules apply in different places and get used to it. But at three years of age this just doesn't make sense to him.
As for your situation if you enjoy being the babysitter, as that's all you are and ever will be, I would adopt the rules of the mothers home so at least there is some consistency in the boys life.