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Me or the skids...now I know the answer

amackeral's picture

Submitted by amackeral on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 7:52pm

Tonight, I got my answer to the question if DH ever had to choose between me and the skids.

DD9 is in a play, and while she was at her play, DH and I were supposed to go do something. What we hadn't decided yet, but just spend time together since he is only home weekends.

SS18 won tickets to the local speedway/raceway and told his dad "it's a family pass, 2 adults and 2 kids, or 3 adults. You (DH), me (SS18) and SD20 should go". Earlier today, DH said he was torn what to do now, spend time with me, or go with skids...

...Guess where he's at now? So now I get to sit in my car for 2.5 hours while DD is at her play, twiddling my thumbs!

(I can't go home because it's 20-30 minutes each way and not worth the gas and time I'd waste driving home for just an hour at the house.)

Comments

daysleeper's picture

Submitted by daysleeper on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 8:11pm

Ugh. I am so sorry. I would have a serious talk with your DH once this was over. I can't believe that he wouldn't consider you at all in this, which is what it sounds like. Sad

ownedbypedro's picture

Submitted by ownedbypedro on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 8:44pm

My (almost ex) husband was always the same way - he would drop me and our plans in a heartbeat to go off and do whatever the skids wanted to do. In his defense, he was pretty much the same way (but not to that extent) with our other kids. He was always alllllllllllllll about the kids. The kids had no bedtime, etc. until I finally put my foot down about it with my own kids.

I remember one time it was just us and our very little kids home all weekend. On Saturday I suggested to dh that while he was outside working, I would feed the little ones an early dinner, give them baths and put them to bed early and we could have a nice quiet dinner - just the two of us.

He got MAD at me and informed me that dinner was FAMILY time - not time to get rid of the kids. He would always tell me "just because we're never alone doesn't mean we're not spending time together."

Why does all this bullshit still make me cry????????????????

hanneyh1's picture

Submitted by hanneyh1 on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 9:42pm

WOW!!! It still makes you cry because even though you are still spending time together, you need to still have time ALONE together hun. I would tell him that. Just tell him that you've been really sad lately that you can't seem to find time to be ALONE with him and rekindle the romance. Romance doesn't happen when kids are around.... tell him you need to be reminded of why he fell in love with you in the first place. Let him know that it's not because you're sick of the kids, but that just like they need their time with him, you need your time with him just as much if not more. I'm really sorry!

** assuming you may be trying to fix things before the divorce?

hanneyh1's picture

Submitted by hanneyh1 on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 9:41pm

I am so sorry that this happens! I would be very displeased and would let my DH know. I wouldn't bite his head off since that approach only ends with him saying "what did you say?" or just plain ignoring you. Don't worry about trying to change his behavior necessarily, but just tell him how you are feeling and why. Don't blame and don't get angry. Just tell him straight up what emotions are running through you. You don't have to defend them either. They are what they are. Just tell him and if he will talk with you about it and try to find a solution, great! If not, just let the mention of your feelings sit with him for a few days. If he doesn't get it, then bring it up again, then add that you are feeling ignored because he hasn't wanted to discuss options to fix the problem.