Well it's truly frightening that the stereotype is so strong. The bad, cheating husband and his "girlfriend" are now trying to take the innocent mother's kids away. If he was so bad why would she be trying to get him back? If he was so bad why would I be with him? Plus the "girlfriend" nonsense. I'm older than BM, so he didn't run away with a cute, young thing. When he asked her for a divorce she went into the bathroom and pretended to have a miscarriage. She kept throwing a then very young, sleeping girl in the truck and pretending to run away late at night. She trashed the house and the garage. She damaged the cars. She told SO's family that he was addicted to drugs and alcohol and that's why he wanted a divorce. He needed help. When he got the strength to move out she tried to kill herself, or she pretended to. DCFS became involved and he had to go back to watch her. Just what she wanted. Then she tried all sorts of maneuvers. Counselors, priests, friends, anyone to convince him to stay. Stay for what? What do we tell women in abusive relationships? Get out! And nothing has changed. She continues the same behavior only now there are court orders. She is having a VERY hard time complying. One child was ordered into counseling as she forbid him to see his father. The counselor told her to back off. It doesn't end, though. We are just hoping that if we make enough noise, someday, someone will see the danger the kids are in. One child has already been emancipated and the second is not far behind. The issue is the 5, almost 6 year old who is showing behavioral signs of abuse. We just cannot afford the evaluators, psychologists and GAL. Not on top of paying BM and the attorneys. We are in a no win. BM refuses to work so no money there. You want an evaluation? Great, but be prepared to pay for it. All the experts have advised that without broken arms and bruises, he has very little chance of getting custody. BUT GIVE IT TIME WHEN THE COURT IS NO LONGER LOOKING. So, we knowingly leave a child with a woman out of control UNTIL we get a broken bone or bruise. Apparently the mind is not bruisable? It is a sad system indeed. Very sad. I have been called a biased witness and the child unreliable. So there, take that. BM can keep her and we win and you lose. No, the CHILD loses. Why, I ask you, all of you, WHY would I want a FIVE year old when I am 48 and childless? I have a career, friends and never wanted children. WHY am I fired up enough to help him fight? Because I see a little girl without protection and a system who bashes the fathers no matter what. He's now a "visitor?" A visitor who pays a huge chunk of his income to BM? And a childs asks me "how come I can't say with you guys?" Because our system sucks ittle girl? Because no one thinks you know when you are unhappy? Because no one will investigate without getting PAID to do it? Because man hating lawyers protect abusive BMs? Yeah, get the bastard, he left her. So sad, so sad.

Thank you for all of the support, I appreciate the diversity of opinion. For the record, unless he is a slave, a man cannot be "stolen." Perhaps men have feelings also. When he feels unloved or not valued he may start looking for that happiness elsewhere. By the time someone decides to file for divorce in a court, he or she is done. Whatever internal processes one had to go through, they came to a conclusion to end that marriage. A woman, or man, for that matter, does not come along and say, "I think I'll steal that guy today." 'Yeah, let me rework that in my head." People are human, perhaps we need to also look at ourselves when someone leaves, or cheats, why did they do that? There is a difference between a "cheater" who cheats and never leaves, and someone who "cheats" and leaves for good.

Whoever you are STEPDOWN, you are incorrect.Are you our BM? A person does not spend thousands of dollars on mediators, counselors and ATTORNEYS if they might want to reconcile. Only a delusional person would think that. The papers will be signed next Monday. The marriage is over. If it's not then I'm sending the laundry to BMs house, along with the grocery list and bills.

Ah, interesting post. No, STEPDOWN, I don't recall saying that they were going to reconcile, where did you see that? As for the hoochie momma, I love that. I'm a 48 year old teacher who previously was a crazy parrot lady in a bird club. BM is 43 so younger than me. I explain only to dispell myths and help dads and kids. Yes we met, yes he was still married, yes he was unhappy and living as a stranger in his home. Two years? It's been three now and let's go back. First year BM tries to kill herself, or fakes it in my opinion. SO is laid off and has a side job but is fired because BM goes to job and starts screaming in public with none other than HER MOTHER. SO sells his Corvette to pay the bills because BM has spent the money where? He gives her money from Corvette, she removes money from bank and does not pay the bills. Home almost in foreclosure, I help him save house and get a modification. I apply for food stamps for BM as she refused to bring documents and was denied twice. SO forces her to bring documents to office. SO keeps putting money in joint account and BM does not pay MORTGAGE, CAR PAYMENTS, CAR INSURANCE. Car reposessed, home in arrears, insurance cancelled. SO now sells third truck to buy Christmas presents. BM's cell phone is $1200.00 for playing Internet Wheel Of Fortune and text messages. SO has to cancell phone and get separate account and portion out money as she is spending it where? SO asks her to move to her mother's so he can rent home as they cannot afford it. She tells everyone he kicked her out with no money and no food. We buy kids boxes of clothes, coats and shoes and BM throws them away. BM tries to run to New York with kids but relatives stop her. BM destroys house and garage and makes false police reports. SO asks for a legal divorce and she pretends to miscarry. SO returns shaking as BM is out of control. BM hires a marriage counselor and asks SO to come over and BM hits him in the head with a picture when he tells counselor he wants a divorce. Counselor leaves. She asks him to talk to a priest, he does and tells the priest the same thing. Priest advises BM to accept situation. BM brings old friends to try to convince him to stay. BM sends a felon convicted of extortion to follow and threaten me. BM sends me text messages from cell phone store telling me SO is cheating on me. BM calls SO's family and tells them they need an intervention as I am a drug addict who has him on drugs and alcohol, on top of that I am old and ugly. BM comes to our house and smashes his car window out. SO hires private mediator who explains to BM the damgage she is doing to the kids and that she can help BM with divorce process BM quits ignoring mediator's instructions to share children. Ok, SO files for divorce after getting enough money to do so. BM evades service for THREE MONTHS. She then refuses to come to court and evades court for THREE months causing her to be in default. He almost won. That's six months right there. Now judge gives her time to get a lawyer. Judge orders mediation. Judge orders counseling for kids. BM gets a lesbian lawyer who believes her BS. SO has to file for EVERY parenting time, EVERY holiday. BM writes love letters, BM writes threatening letters. BM destroys TOYS, SCHOOL SUPPLIES, COATS, SHOES AND GIFTS that SO gives them. BM refuses to cooperate with bankruptcy attorney and attorney closes the case filing SO by himself. Now BM denies that she was ever on banktuptcy and wants SO to pay attorney fees AGAIN. BM still does not feel the need to work. BM tells kids father does not love them, abandoned them, left them with no food or money. Kids are not allowed to see him. Only young girl forced on court order. Oldest child becomes emancipated. Second child doing better after counseling. Youngest child wants to live with us as BM is mean to her ALL THE TIME. I see it with my own eyes. Girl is picked up and thrown in BM's car, grabbbed by wrist and dragged in house screamed at because she wants one more kiss from her dad or me. BM hits her in face for breaking flowers in garden. Child has unexplained nose bleeds that cover shower walls. BM says it's because she's allergic to the kid's makeup she put on. BM won't answer phone on kids's birthdays that are close together. BM won't go to girls recital because I am there as it is SO's day. What else, have all day?

Well, again, I compare her actions to if a man were doing it. My friend was removed from his home after his wife filed for divorce and already had a boyfriend. She told police he threatened her and she felt unsafe. That was it, boom, he was out. Kids stayed with her. OOP in place. Worked like a charm. Now they are in a custody battle and she is making all sorts of claims including that he has guns in his house. He was a stay at home dad, BTW and she a high stakes money maker. Didn't matter when she said she felt unsafe that was it. And she did that after she got a lawyer, not before. When men are violent (or accused of such) that's it, OOP, restraining order. When women do it, oh, well, poor thing, cheated on, what do you expect? She lost her mind. Bastard, he deserves it. See the difference? That makes me sad. I am a feminist, NOW card carrying member but I have had my eyes opened WIDE from this experience. Women are seen without power. That's why an out of control, violent BM is given no credibility to to harm. Until she does. Her threats are not taken seriously. A flip side of sexism. Only men can do harm, not women. Especially mainstream women who were stay at home moms. We're not talking abut crack addicts here. So she's just a woman scorned, it's ok. Not to worry. Until it happens. Right here in Illinois we had Marilyn Nemak who killed her three kids to get even with the father for leaving. Kids dead, mother in prison on medication for life. She's bipolar, gee whodathunk? Dad was a doctor. Now he's remarried but kids are dead. Tell me there were no problems with that woman before he left? Tired of the mamby pamby poo poo poor woman as she continues to be violent.

I was being completely sarcastic in my previous post to illustrate how judgemental STEPDOWN is. What "I" would have done. Well, it wasn't you, was it? You throw around archaic words like "mistress," "adultery," "immoral" yet you are divorced. I have friends and family who believe divorce is a sin, period. My mother stayed married for fear of "excommunication." Does anyone remember that? In any event, I don't have to satisfy you or anyone else for that matter. I am also curious why you keep buzzing around my blog if you are so offended. It does seem personal at this point. BM is not fighting for her "legal" husband, she is fighting for the control she used to have over him. For someone to pay for her lazy ass so she can play Wheel of Fortune all day. So she can watch Soaps all day. This is a woman who fleeced her own mother for 50k, yes, I said 50k because she was going to pay off the bills. No one knows where that 50k went. She is a con artist and unfortunately fleeced not only her mother, but her DEAR HUSBAND as well. When I met him I straightened out his finances. Since he does not read or write English he had a very difficult time figuring out what had gone on. It took me almost TWO YEARS to straighten him out, cancel BM's phone, credit cards, I had a GREAT TIME, BTW. And illuminating her fraud that she had commmitted. Sure she's PISSED OFF because SHE CAN'T FOOL ME. And, trust me when I say we will get married and WE WILL GET CUSTODY OF HIS CHILDREN. It's only a matter of time. She will continue to abuse the kids and she will get careless when the court is no longer watching or sending the children to counseling. And you were not there when this happened or when he left her. BM drove her DEAR HUSBAND AWAY with her lies, financial fraud and cruelty to him. She drove him away by alienating all of their friends, by quitting school that he paid for. She drove him away by not being able to explain where his money was going (and she still hasn't). She drove him away by taking the proceeds from a CORVETTE and not paying the bills. Yes it's true, I called the bank myself. The money was removed the next DAY but no bills were paid. She drove him away by REFUSING TO WORK, even though SO became unemployed. And, if there had been ANY CHANCE AT ALL after he met me, she DROVE HIM AWAY with her VIOLENCE and AGGRESSION toward him and his children. And if you must know, I sent him away to make a decision. Either divorce her or go back. He chose DIVORCE.

Are we done, then, with my simple update?