I need help getting inside the mind of BM.....

I just don't understand what's going on in her mind when she refuses to communicate/cooperate on financial matters, issues regarding the children and legal issues.
Is the satisfaction she gets being a pain in the a&& more important than the welfare of her children? I really need help understanding these women. SD can be incredibly difficult, but when she calls for help from the bathtub and daddy goes in and she says, no not you, Francesca... I know that I am a parent figure and should be aware of what I do and say. Why do these actual birth mothers not realize that their actions must carry so much more impact? Especially as women. It's obvious to me that SD comes to me for traditional mommying when in my house. Is there any way to break the cycle of hatred and destructive behavior?
F.

Francesca's blog
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** I'm deleting what I wrote

** I'm deleting what I wrote because others said it much better than I here... **

It seems as if you've built

It seems as if you've built up some animosity or resentment toward this BM, and I'm sure it's all valid and justified and all but, let me tell you what I've learned, the anger or dislike you feel, just fuels her even more. You are going to have to try to get into her head like you stated and begin to pity her because she is obviously hurting (hurt peeps want to hurt other peeps), not really loving herself and feeling really bad about not being the MRS. anymore (I got this from my BM). Your peace and understanding toward her will defuse any fires that she may try to ignite. Practice love and forgiveness and determine that you will stay in compassion and forgiveness no matter what assaults may come and, one day you will look for her and she'll be gone. Gone onto something else or maybe to maturity or healing or terrorizing someone else or sadly into a series of unfortunate events in her life (not wishing this). Hope for the best for her and if you pray, pray for her when you think of the kids, after all, they still have to live with her. Hope this helps!

I have 2 friends, one who

I have 2 friends, one who recently made a statement to that "how dare Xdh's girlfriend tell my daughter she is going bra shopping cuz its that time, I told my daughter I am her mother and I will tell you when you need to start wearing bras" Another friend bluntly said "She is my daughter, the sm can spend her money on my kid all she wants, but she won't be her friend, she is my daughter" Neither of them obviously understanding my circumstance. They have both heard me complain about the nasty way my sd treats me, they have even seen her being nasty and one of them said i needed to send her ass to her room. They still didn't get it. It is totally territorial and is absolutely not in the best interest of the child. Don't try to understand, feel sorry for bm's that truely don't know how they are hurting their kids by not making them respect sm's. BTW, i don't talk to either of those friends at all anymore.

Stop wasting your time trying

Stop wasting your time trying to understand. Unless you are also a nutball you will never understand.

Momster - #1 is the BM here

Momster - #1 is the BM here to a tee.

Recently, when DH and BM were discussing SD's college and BM was talking about $$ she owes DH, she started talking about a new guy that she is starting to get serious with! And we both said to her... "WTF? What does HE have to do with this?"

When we left her, we felt so bad for the new guy... like he is being set up to pay for BM's life. The last one got smart and got out. We hope this one does too.

Thanks for this...