I find the situation I am in right now incredibly ironic. When SO and I first moved into his townhouse together, I had a constant battle of trying to convince him that I shouldn't have to do things the way he and GUBM did things just because of a) the comfort it provided to both SD and SO and b) because it was just what he/they were used to. Now, he is working to get SD to realize that we don't have to do things the way GUBM does just because it is what she is used to and comfortable with. I wonder why he is having such a hard time instilling that in her? Oh, it couldn't possibly be related to the precedent that was set, could it? Nooo, surely not.

I'm not sure if he gets that or not, but, perhaps I will point it out to him later when he wakes up.

He had a talk with SD last night about the entire situation and she made it plainly clear to him that she does blame me for his rules and expectations - like I've been trying to tell him since 2010 when we instituted the rules and SD ramped up her nasty behavior, throwing snotty attitude around like it was going out of style. She told him that they didn't come along until I came along. Actually, SD, they came along about 6 or 7 months after I did, SO just had a difficult time instilling and enforcing them when we first lived together because there were other people living there and it made for a chaotic household. He explained all that to her, apparently, but, doesn't know if she understands or not. She also apparently told him that she doesn't want things to be the way they are now, but, that she also doesn't want things to be the way they were before, either.

To which I had to say "Well, SO, it's going to take a lot of work on SD's part for me to ever consider re-engaging. But, she's also going to have to realize that if she hopes to spend a month here every summer or hopes to spend time here when you have to work that she's going to have to eventually get over the fact that, not only are things different here than at her mom's, but, I will be an adult presence here and that she will have to listen to me. Part of growing up is learning how to get along with other people and that's a skill that she is definitely lacking as evidenced by the first 10 days of her trip. She might think it isn't fair that things are so different here compared to GUBM's but, you know what's not fair? Expecting me to watch a kid the majority of the day, two days in a row, and her to expect me to have no say in anything she does in the house I live in. She's 12. She may be an adolescent, but, she's still a child. I don't really care if she's allowed to do things differently at GUBM's because this is NOT GUBM's house. This is OUR house. And things are not going to go upside down, topsy-turvy just to cater to her whims and desires. Right now, I'm disengaged for a two-fold reason. One is to show her that her actions do indeed have consequences and that she is not allowed to treat me like dirt and walk all over me. Two is to prove to her that you are the one who has these expectations and rules for her, that things aren't going to change drastically in that department just because I've disengaged" He agreed with everything I had to say, but, if he puts it into action remains yet to be seen.

I got a little miffed when SO told me that he had informed her that I am going to be with him for a while. That might seem picky, but, he tells me all the time that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, well, then why can't he tell his daughter that? Why can't he just break it down for her and say that while she is his daughter indefinitely that I am his partner indefinitely? To me it makes our partnership seem more finite than he's portraying to me. I mean, I give him props for telling her that this isn't a competition and that it is never, ever going to be an "either/or" situation; that she's just going to have to accept that I'm in his life and that he loves me and wants to be with me, but, did he have to put it that way?

He told me that he told SD he isn't going to push for resolution for the remainder of the trip - which is something that our counselor told him on Monday - and that he's going to let things happen as they may. But, he still got upset last night when SD didn't say goodnight to me. She said goodnight to SO, the dog, and the cat but then just walked away and went to her room without saying anything to me. He expressed his disappointment and I told him that she probably doesn't understand that "not pushing for resolution" is not a "get out of being a polite and respectful member of this household" card. I fibbed a bit and told him that I don't care if she acknowledges my presence or not for the rest of the trip but that it would be on him to get her to continue abiding by the house rules, as it has been. And, honestly, that's the only reason why I care about her acknowledging my presence. Because how the heck will he ever expect her to be considerate of me if he isn't enforcing that rule now? He hasn't been almost the entire last week, so, how could he expect her to follow it into the future? There's just no consistency with SO and the house rules, it seems. This also makes it more difficult for her to understand that they're his rules and expectations, not mine.

SO knows I'm upset about something today - as I was last night - but he just doesn't know what. I'll save the explanation for him for another time, maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, maybe Monday. He knows that I'm not thrilled about having to be around SD today by myself - so I'm planning on going out later. I told him I didn't know where, but, that I was just going to go out and do something on my own because I'm not sitting around a house all day with a child that thinks it's totally OK to be rude and disrespectful without any remorse and with very little consequence. This morning, he told me that if I need anything I can come get him and wake him up. He then said that he was going to wake SD up and tell her the same thing. I told him that I would only come wake him if it was important. Likewise, I think that should be the case for SD, too, because he has to go back to work tonight at 8PM and him losing out on sleep just because SD needs/wants something is not fair to him. What would that teach her? That she's allowed to put her own selfish wants and needs above the needs of her father? How is that showing her that she is not the center of the universe? *smh*