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Help dealing with adult step daughter who is 8yrs younger than me

Dee015's picture

:O Sad
I am 32yrs,engaged to a 50yr old man.His kids aged 26.24.16 and 8yrs,my daughter is 6yrs old.I do not think i am ready for all the drama that i've been living thru.Oldest stepdaughters and i got along,except for the teenage SD.I never really bothered about her as she was rude from day1.They went to visit with their mom,and when they got back their relationship with me changed.The 2nd SD IS NOW SENDING ME MESSAGES ON FCBK,That i am nothing but her dad's pussy.I hv forwarded the msgs to her dad,who calmly responded,that i should not ANSWER HER,HE HAS SPOKEN TO HER,BUT SHE IS STILL SENDING RUDE MESSAGES THRU AND IT LOOKS LIKE SHE AINT STOPPING SOON.I am not prepared to spend the rest of my life being insulted by them,esp when dad has no intention of seeing why this upsets me.What should i do and how do i handle this kind of behaviour?

Comments

Dee015's picture

Thank you all for your advice and comments.It is good to know that i am not the only one who is facing this.I have taken the first step towards protecting myself by removing all of them from my facebook,tweeter and all other forms of communication.Irefuse to be haunted by this girl any further,and have decided to just keep away from her.Thank you so much,i feel 10 times better after reading your comments! Smile

bi's picture

you are right on about them saying things on fb, email and text that they wouldn't ever consider saying to our faces. it's funny how sd19 beats her chest and yells behind electronic communication, but if it is brought up in person, she hangs her head. she is nowhere near as tough in person as she is behind a computer or phone. that's why i cut her off from both. interestingly, while she had plenty to say with those devices, i have heard NOTHING out of her since blocking her. which means she has nothing to say that is important enough to come to my home and say to my face.

oneoffour's picture

I bet you their mother has told them that all you want is their father's money for you and your daughter and they have prior claim being his own children. And as you are living with him and not married your whole meaning for living is bleeding him dry and their poor heartbroken selves will miss out on any financial support as they will be reduced to selling matches on a stree tcorner while you run away laughing with bags of loot on a plane to Jamaica.

I agree with the others, defriend her from FB. Just do it. No one says you HAVE to have her on there and it sets your first line in the sand. Don't tell your fiance. If he says anything you can tell him your rule is not to engage or befriend anyone who treats you like this.

Whose house do you live in? Does it belong to both of you? Do you work or are you a SAHM? If you have moved in to his house and stay at home supported by your fiance I can see where the resentment may come from. Also how long have you and your fiance been together? IF we are tlaking a few months then it can take up to 7 yrs for these new relationships to even out.

That being said, you do not need to listen or read her insults. You tell your DH you do not want to hear it. You are not interested in their opinion of you. See, your fiance probably thinks you should all get along. But he chose to have a relationship with a woman who was born when he was getting out of highschool. They see you as an equal and not a stepmother in waiting. Which means all bets are off and claws are extended.

Dee015's picture

I would understand if i destroyed their parents marriage ,but i was no where in sight when that happened,they divorced in 2000 ALREADY......And i only arrived in 2010 February!

Dee015's picture

Hi Oneoffour,we have been together for 2yrs now and we bought a house together last year.Iam financially independent,with a good stable job,I look after my daughter who lives with us,and the 8yr old was also living with his before his mom decided to take him,we now get him every weekend....

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Your future husband has some serious baggage. First off, you do not need to be engaging with or communicating with his adult children. Block them from Facebook and move on. Sure he can talk to the adult children, but they are 26 and 24, he cannot do anything to force them to stop sending inappropriate emails/messages.

Secondly look at it from their perspective. You are a lot younger than their father. I would certainly not be thrilled if my father was going to marry someone 8 years older than me. Not that I'd be name calling and throwing tantrums, but I would definitely be on the defense.

Stepaside gave you fabulous advice. I would definitely take into consideration everything she/he said!

herewegoagain's picture

It'll always be this way, especially because the huge age difference between you and your husband.

Dee015's picture

You will not believe this one,hubby has an appointment with his doctor today as he will be having an op soon,now he tells me i cannot go with to his appointment because his daughters wanna go with for support.And since things are what they are between me and them,I should not be at his doctors appointment.Iam so mad ,i am ready to pounce,is this what our life is going to be like from now on I have asked him,and was just told try and understand my position!!!!!!!!

LizzieA's picture

This is it, Dee. You have your answer. Your BF is choosing his daughters' "comfort" over you. It is so plain. He is not man enough to put his kids in their place--which is NOT ahead of you! RUN now! You are 32, you can find a nice single virile guy your own age! This type of situation ONLY works if the man knows how to set boundaries, esp with BM and SKs and ILs!