How old is it still okay to have brother and sister sleep with each other?
SD7 and SS4 share a bedroom. We are hoping by the time SD7 is old enough she won't want to share with her brother, we'll have a bigger house and a room for her, and the other scenario would be to have our BS1 share with SS when BS is older (however I don't really feel it's that fair to have our BS share a room and give a room to SD7 who is a. not our daughter and b. only with us 4 days EOW...but anyway.)
Anyway, about 6 months ago, SS and SD started asking if they could sleep together. I thought it was odd, and always said no. However, DH always caved and said yes (not that he'd go against me, but we trade off tucking in and reading books at night, so the nights he'd do it he'd say yes). For one, it's a twin bunk beds...they aren't that far from each other to begin with. Two, they don't go to sleep nor do they sleep WELL - and they are cranky in the morning.
I brought it up with BM and she says that they never ask at her house, which I thought was a little odd. However, they do sleep together at BM's moms house (which they are there almost every weekend BM has them because BM has to go out every weekend).
For just a little more background on why I'm concerned and asking this question -- SD7 over the past year has been exposed to some sexual things (either at BM's or school or whatever). BM thinks nothing of having SD7 watch Breaking Dawn, SD has told her brother that she wants to make out naked on a couch with a boy they know, if DH and I kiss (peck) she will say things like "Ohhhhh! Are you going to make out now?" (like she's trying to tease us or something), and last summer she was teaching the little girls - 3 yr olds - at daycare to show each other their privates.
I know some of this is normal kid stuff.
We just got a new bunk bed set that has the double mattress on the bottom adn this week I'm doing a total overhaul on the kid's room (new paint, design, etc). Our reasoning is that we don't have a guest room, so it'd be nice for guests to have a real bed to sleep in if they come, rather than the air mattress in the family room. Since we have SS4 every other week and we have SD7 for 4 days every other week, it is going to serve as a guest room the other half of the time. But now I know that with a double on the bottom, sS and SD are going to BEG to sleep together all the time and SD is going to pull the card about why does SS get a bigger bed. And with more room in the bed plus it being summer vacation, my argument against it to DH is kind of null and void. I just know that DH is going to say yes all the time now.
I would *think* that in a couple years, SD7 will not want anything to do with her brother. They still take showers together too, and I have been having them separate lately. So maybe we should just let it go? What would you do?
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They are way too old to bathe
They are way too old to bathe together. That should have stopped when SD was about 4. At that point they are curious and opposite sex children need to change clothes, bathe, etc apart form each other.
Sleeping in the same room isn't a big deal at their age right now, especially if it is only 4 days EOW as long as they are in separate beds. The bunk bed thing should be fine for a while. I figure by the time SD is 10-11 she will probably freak about sleeping in the same room but you have a little time before that.
I think that DH thinks
I think that DH thinks they're just innocent and doesn't really realize they're not that "young" anymore. But yes, I've been making them shower separately however they think nothing of being naked near each other. I help pick out SS4's clothes in the morning and he has been getting dressed in our hallway outside my bathroom while I'm doing my makeup, and SD is dressing in her room. I'm the one in our household that is conscious of that stuff, DH doesn't give it a thought. The problem here too is that BM I don't think would think it's an issue at all. They share a room at her house as well. I think I'm going to bring this all up with DH and have him talk to BM about it so we can get on the same page about giving SD7 some privacy (using the phrase that way instead of attacking anyone). SD7 is definitely at the age where she's getting curious about things so I can only imagine what she would "teach" with SS4.
Um, up until about 6 months
Um, up until about 6 months ago, SS13 and SD14 were sleeping in the same bed, in the same room when they were at our house. Yep, welcome to my freak show. Now they sleep in the same room together..SD sleeps in her bed and SS sleeps on the pull out trundle bed. DH doesn't seem to have a problem with it, so whatever...
check out the answers I got when I asked our fellow stalkers if this was weird and creepy...granted your skids are younger so we're not necessarily comparing apples to apples.
http://www.steptalk.org/node/52166
Oh wow....your situation is
Oh wow....your situation is kind of what I fear happening! Like I said, I would hope that SD7 would get sick of being around him...but what if she doesn't because no one teaches her about privacy around boys!!!!????
Um, the fact that SD has been
Um, the fact that SD has been showing some sexual provlications is a sign that it should stop. Sorry, but can you imagine the kids remember what they used to do to eachother when they were young, even if at the time it was innocent play?
Sorry, this kind of creeps me out. Unless the parents sleep in the same room, I think opposite gender sibling cosleeping needs to stop at 4, an age of first awareness of other's feelings.
BM hangs out with some major
BM hangs out with some major losers, so I guarantee they teach the kids stuff.
One time SS4 came up to me and said, "Do you know what its called when you're not wearing underwear under your pants? It's called free ballin it!" One of BM's lovely friends taught him that. These are things that BM herself thinks are funny too.
She wanted to take SD7 to Breaking Dawn. We fought her on it for DAYS. She said that if SD7 got uncomfortable she could close her eyes! (basically BM was not going to make any effort to shield her from the entire honeymoon scenes, she assumed that SD7 would close her eyes if she didnt want to see it, not to mention the child birth scene which gets a little gory). That tells you the mentality of BM...I don't know if she just doesn't think that SD7 "gets it" yet or what? But how many times does a kid have to see two people on a bed kissing with barely any clothes on to figure it out? So FIANLLY DH said to BM, "So you would be okay if SteppingUp and I were having sex and SD7 walked in and we just let her watch?" That kind of brought it home for BM I think.
UGH!
Yes, it's creepin me out too,
Yes, it's creepin me out too, I just don't know how to bring this all up without it sounding like I'm against SD7 or thinking horrible things of her.
The things she's done that I've given examples of, it's literally like she feels very innocent about it, so obviously she's seeing it somewhere and not being taught that it's wrong or being sheilded from seeing it (whether its on tv or what).
my mom made my brother and i
my mom made my brother and i share a bed when we were 7 and 8 years old! i hated it! i wanted my own space. then she let her brother move in, when she didn't even have enough room for her own kids to have their own rooms, and we had to sleep with him and our mom, rotating nights. one night it was me and uncle, next night it was mom and me. same with my brother. it was F'd up and uncomfortable, but my mom is and always has been white trash, so not really a surprise coming from her.
Maybe you would want to
Maybe you would want to remind your DH that his daughter need to learn her personal boundaries otherwise his princess will become a girl who gets handed around the football team in H/School because she has no limits on her behaviour. Put the scenarios of her future in his head.
Anything that results in inappropriate behaviour should be stopped smartly. Co-sleeping is unneccessary and lazy parenting if it is just to shut the kids up so they will go to sleep. If they insist on sleeping togather, put the younger one in your bed at bedtime. When they are asleep move him to his own bed.
I see nothing wrong with swapping beds over. They can choose what bed to sleep in but just not together. And the kids who sleep in their own beds get to go to DQ the next day ... wink wink.
I like that idea of swapping
I like that idea of swapping beds!! Duh!
If SD7 makes a stink that her brother gets the big bed, they can alternate nights. (And little brother wets the bed occassionally so I may need to remind her about that....)
Can you at least insist that
Can you at least insist that they use sleeping bags, so that when they are in close proximity, they can't have contact?