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Proud of myself

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 9:49am

I'm proud of myself. I didn't break down at all (even after I left the lawyer's office) and I didn't raise my voice or loose my temper at all. I'm ok with how it all turned out we are splitting the bankruptcy payments 50/50. I wanted him to have to pay the whole thing but the lawyer said since its a federal thing we would both have to re-do the whole process which would cost a ton more $$$. Stbxh has to refinance the house in his name only. I'm going to give him a (very short) time frame to do this and if he doesn't the house will go up for sale. So far he hasn't fought me on anything I want to take from the house and I hope it stays that way. If this is what he wants I'm not going to fight him and beg him to stay in this marriage. Next step is filing for the big "D". I have to find out what exactly all needs to be done because in my state there is a year seperation period (which sucks) but there are ways around it. If I file for divorce on the grounds of adultery we could be divored in 90 days but I think that would require more lawyers and more $$$ which I don't have. We could do the whole things ourselves, since it won't be contested, for $150 it would just drag out for a year. We've pretty much already got everything settled except for the house, which is really the biggest issue. We are off of each others bank accounts already, we don't have any joint credit cards or utilities. The only thing we do share is the cell phone plan and its in his name only but I've already looked into getting my own plan. I know you guys probably think I'm being to nice and you're right, I am. He's still sitting pretty in the house right now, he hasn't been displaced in anyway so far. I'm just trying to get through this with as much self respect as I can because I know in the end I'll have something better waiting for me.

Comments

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 9:56am

Thanks sunflower!! You are very right about picking battles. I'm done fighting. I just want to be able when all this is finall over look back and say "Yes I could have done things differently but I've come out the other side with head held high".

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 9:54am

Thanks Foxie! I know I could be doing things much different and being a total bi*#$, and trust me I really, really want to do that, but I'm tired of hurting and crying and making myself sick over this. If it's over I just want it to be over.

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 10:11am

Aww thank you real!! I'm not gonna lie it hurts like a son of a ----- and I know I'll still have melt downs from time to time but I know this is just another bump in the road that is my life.

mama_althea's picture

Submitted by mama_althea on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 10:10am

This is something I struggle with all the time, but giving up the need to be "right" or "vindicated" is huge. If you can move beyond that and not stay mired in the fight, then you've won (you know, assuming you're not getting horribly ripped off or something in the process).

Best wishes...

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 10:12am

Thank you aletha!! Oh trust me if he tries to pull something stupid it's on!! My inner redneck b--ch will come out.

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 10:12am

You did awesome!! Congratulations on holding it together Smile , that can be the hardest part. That year separation is a little brutal. That was what I had to go through. And what sucks is that that since you can't file until that 1 year mark, it is actually 15-16 months before everything is finalized. I would ask about the sped up adultery version. It just might be the way it is filed and not actually cost anything more. Just having that closure that it is all over now is such an amazing feeling..

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 10:14am

Thanks overworked!! I have to check with the family court but I think we can still to the adultery thing and get it over with. I don't really want all this mess to go on for over a year but if it has to it has to.

StarStuff's picture

Submitted by StarStuff on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 10:24am

Good job, I applaud you! It sounds like you are handling this situation with more grace and dignity than he deserves, but that is a good thing. Nothing wrong with being classy! I'm sure you will be much happier in the end. Smile

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 10:30am

Thank you star!! I'm trying really hard to be classy about all this but I really want to just smack the snot out of him. Besides I think me not loosing it is keeping him unnerved somewhat. Wink

overwhelmed_underappreciated's picture

Submitted by overwhelmed_und... on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 10:35am

So so so proud of you!!! Again you are an AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, SPECIAL woman and YOU DESERVE BETTER!!! And it will come. Karma has a way of evening things out. Keep that beautiful head of yours raised high and if it comes to a point where you have fight then you fight for you!!! We are here for you anytime!!!

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 10:37am

You guys are the most awesome group of people ever!!! I've talked to people IRL (family, friends, etc.) but they are all biased lol. You guys help me see what's what and make me face things I hadn't thought about. I might not like it lol but I know it's what I need to hear (or read lol). You guys are the best ever!!

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 10:45am

In my state even abandonment is a year wait. He has agreed to not fight if I file for adultery, he's admitted it to me and some other family members. The only thing I have to really worry about is the physical proof part if they want that. I do think that we would have to still go before a judge for the final divore decree. I have a list I've started of things to ask the family court.

You are so right he's going to be the one who is miserable.

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 11:16am

Thank you bookish!! I was definetly channeling the honeybadger and my mom's cat yesterday. I just kept picturing that honeybadger eating the snake and it made me feel much better. }:)

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Submitted by stepmomto3bioto1 on Thu, 06/07/2012 - 7:03pm

Msc- you are doing a fabulous job girl!!! I took the "high road" as well with my divorce & split up with my exh. Was truly the best thing I couldve done for myself & my daughter!!! I walked out of the whole mess with my head held high. I think it nerved him that I was so calm cool & collected about it all. Every time he would start to dredge up one of our many issues, Id simply tell tell him that we were beyond all that mess now, no sense in trying to discuss things now.

After seeing the flip side of a nasty mean cruel divorce (my DHs & BM) aftermath- Im so very glad my ex & I handled things the way we did. His divorce with BM was very nasty (from all Ive been told & reading their divorce papers) Their children got drug into their nastiness. The kids were emotionally scarred They still have many issues with their parents divorce, still to this day. My DD8 didnt have to go thru all that bitterness. My exh & I coparent our little girl with no drama or issues. I wish my DHs kids got that chance.

My point is-- in the long run, you will be rewarded with the knowledge that you can certainly hold your head up high while others struggle with their conscuence!!!!