Appropriate/working punishment for lying??
My sd4 is a liar. She lies about EVERYTHING!!! From hiding a jar of pb in her room and not eating dinner b/c she is filling up on the pb to if she had an accident to hitting her sister right in front of me. She lies constantly. Even when she isn't going to get in trouble for telling the truth, she still lies!!!
Now the punishment for lying at our house has been a spanking. SO and I both agreed to this punishment. we called BM the other day to discuss the lying to see if it was a common occurance in her home as well. BM said she smacks sd4 in the mouth for lying. As a child I lived in a very abusive home and I do not agree with the hitting her in the face thing. Not going to do it. However, after talking to my sm she tols me that when disciplining my bro that spankings made his lying worse. I don't know wha an appropriate alternative to spanking would be. What punishment would work to discourage her from lying?? I really need help here ladies and gents because I do not want to raise a liar and I don't know what to do!!!
Please help me out. Any comments or suggestions are welcome, even a disagreement with what I have said. I'm at the end of my rope and could use some input from someone with more experience than myself. What works for your family??
Btw. We tried time outs for lies but that made absolutely no difference... help?!?!
- overwhelmed_underappreciated's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
My mother always put me in
My mother always put me in the corner for time outs. I had to stand with my nose in the corner for a certain period of time when I did something out of line. I HATED IT! I honestly would have rather been spanked and gotten it over with, than standing there bored out of my mind. I have a friend who used to send her kids that age into the bathroom for time out... again.. BORING.. nothing for them to do in there.
I don't agree with popping a kid that age in the mouth, especially if she is lying all.the.time.. good grief, she'd get a fat lip or worse!
I have a classmate who has
I have a classmate who has her kids hold a penny to the wall with their noses for timeout. Started over every time it dropped (unless there was a legit sneeze, etc). I've been thinking about trying it with the skids, they always find some way to entertain themselves in timeout.
My advice would be to never
My advice would be to never go back on your word. When I was little, my thing was I would get caught in a lie, my mom would be very sweet and tell me that if I told the truth xyz would happen or wouldn't happen, but when I told the truth I would get smacked. So I grew up being afraid to tell the truth, even if I hadn't lied in the first place. I'm not too familiar with 4 year olds but it seems they would be at that age where they're starting to figure out what a "lie" even is you know?
and I agree, smacking a 4 year old in the face is absolutely unnecessary! Maybe sit her down and have a talk about truthfullness so you know that SHE knows the difference? I think extended timeouts would be an appropriate punishment.
Two things...if you are
Two things...if you are religious, check out a Veggie Tales cartoon that is out there. My son has been watching "Larry Boy and the Fib from Outer Space" on Netflix and it's too cute when I ask him if he did something and he says "mom, will the truth set me free?" lol It's actually a gentle reminder for OURSELVES that honestly, yes, it should...
I have to say that I don't think any type of spanking really does anything good. Check out the book 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child...that might help...it has helped us.
We started making SD3 ask god
We started making SD3 ask god to forgive her when she lied.
PS - I am NOT religious at
PS - I am NOT religious at all. Heck, I don't much like my son watching Veggie Tales, but if he can learn something POSITIVE from them, then I let him watch it. I don't let him watch some others that actually teach them to hate certain people. :jawdrop:
I couldn't agree more! PS -
I couldn't agree more!
PS - I have plenty of neighbors that have done horrendous crap (one beat his wife, the other allowed her 30yr old to beat his 5yr old son and left a black eye on the little guy, another grabbed his wife by the hair in front of others because she was dancing at a party with the other women...hmmm) and are religious and hate ME because I wont' forgive them for what they did but "GOD" forgives them...it really just makes me crack up.
Okay, I know I'm going to get
Okay, I know I'm going to get 'preachy' here.
This doesn't work well for a young child this age as asking God for forgiveness also means that the person fully understands what the offense is and that they will not repeat the offense. It also involves explaining that God knows when we are truly sorry and always knows what is in our heart when we ask for forgiveness.
I know others on here feel that there are so called Christians who feel that they can do what ever they want and as long as they ask God for forgiveness, all is okay, but that is not a true Christian. There are many who will call them selves a Christian but calling yourself a Christian and going to church doesn't make a person a Christian anymore than a person who gives birth to a child and calls them self a parent. It is how a person lives their life that makes them a Christian or in my analogy of a parent, it is how they treat their child/ren that makes a parent a good parent. Just as there are no perfect parents, there are no perfect Christians, but it is in the day-to-day trying to do your best that makes you a true parent or Christian. I know many atheists and agnostic people who live a more Christian like life then some who claim to be Christian, just as there are many step parents and people who have never given birth who parent better than the genetic contributors to a child.
Okay, off the soap box now.
i dont know how to tell you
i dont know how to tell you to fix it but i can tell you what it turns into at 16 years old if someone doesnt figure it out now and correct it...if you need a preglimpse I can send over SD16 for a couple of days? pretty please?
I will trade!!! I can deal so
I will trade!!! I can deal so much better with older kids/teenagers than toddlers!!! Of course I would probably smack a 16 yr old in the mouth and happily hand her the phone to call CPS should she threaten. At 16 they know that they are little sh*ts...
We have recently started push
We have recently started push ups. The kids all hate them with a passion (I have DD4, DS6, SS6). It seems to be working because as soon as the words "who is doing push-ups now?" leave my mouth the kids are doing whatever it was I asked with a quickness!
PS- They only do 10. But it seems like a lot to them!
As for smacking a child in the face, that is the worst thing you can do as a punishment, I am a pro-spanker too. A child sees their total identity in their face, to them their face is who they are. By smacking a young child in the face you are smacking what they believe is the core of themselves. Please have your H talk to BM about that.
I know she understand that
I know she understand that she is not telling th truth because she will tell me the truth after she realizes she isn't going to get away with it. The toy thing might work but they have so many toys that I don't think she would realize one was missing lol. Our time out spot is also the corner b/c I remember that it was the worst to stand staring at a corner. Time outs just do not work tho. I thought about something like holding jugs. Filling an empty milk jug with a small amount of water for wach hand and making her hold them by her side for a specified amount of time (30 sec 1st offence, 45 sec 2nd, etc) but I'm not sure she would equate that with lying. This is one punishment my sm did with me & bro for things like hitting and man did I hate it. My arms hurt so bad lol. Also, do you guys think that amking her tell me what the lie was would help?? After their punishment (time out usually) they have to come tell me or SO what they got punished for. Ex. "Overwhelmed I got a timeout for hitting my sister" then we discuss the problem and how to handle it next time. What if I had her tell me what she said that was a lie and why it wasn't the truth?? Would a 4yr old understand that??
Sentences! They are great
Sentences! They are great punishment. 4yo may be a little young but keep sentences in mind as an option as she gets older. Spanking is absolutely an option but I agree hitting a 4yo on the mouth is not apropriate.
It doesn't sound like
It doesn't sound like spankings or smacking in the mouth is working...at all.
Each kid is different in how they react to punishments, what works & what doesn't. It sounds like you need to experiment to see what works with SD.
A couple of suggestions...
Extended time out (in the corner or in a chair...some kids respond better to one than the other)
Send her to her room until she wants to be truthful
Have her hold vinegar in her mouth then rinse & spit out (in lieu of soap...someone on here suggested it & it works great for my niece who is 5 but my Skids like the taste)
When she's older, sentences are always good but I'd hate to have a 4 year old do this as she may come to hate writing before she even starts school.
I'm sorry you are having this issue...my SS9 is a liar (SOOOOOOOOOOO much like his BM!) & it SUCKS!
I agree w/ realmccoy and
I agree w/ realmccoy and rhyleigh, try a positive approach. This is what I would do ( I never hit my kids I think that's barbaric): tell her everytime she "chooses to tell the truth", she gets a plus. You could make a chart and hang it on the fridge. When she gets 5 plusses (you could use stickers or whatever)she gets a treat. Maybe picking out the game on game night? Or, she could have the option of saving up 25 plusses for something bigger, like a trip to the movies or gameroom. When she "chooses to lie", do something like standing in the corner or time out, while reminding her perhaps "SD you were only 2 plusses away from a treat"! I garuntee you the reward system works. I have one in law school, one in a tough honors college, and an honor student at home. And they are all wonderful,caring, contributing members of society. All with no hitting!