Fighting over my bf w/ his jealous daughter
i recently moved in with my older boyfriend when things got serious. he has 2 kids (boy 15 grl 12) with his ex-wife and i am so irritated when we have them. His daughter is so jealous tht i took all of his attn away & now tells him she hates me & tht we r just a fling. i think she thinks i am her friend & doesn't respect me. i have to ask her multiple times to do small tasks. my bf does stand behind me with stuff like tht tho which is great! i think his ex puts crap in their head when she has them. he just bought me a promise ring & honestly by his Ex's actions i think she is still in love with my bf, but knows he is finally happy so she's PO. & does everything in her power to make his life miserable. anyways, i buy future SD new things tht she needs like backpacks, tennis shoes, swim suits.. etc & when her mom is supposed to pay 1/2 she doesn't bc "it's b/w their dad & her" it's bull but I try my best to be positive. it's not working though & his daughter is a spoiled brat. she is acting out in many ways @ school & will evn come into our bed & snuggle up with her dad so i can't be by him, but when i do he tells her to go to her bed. she gets so mad & i don't think it's set in yet tht we in fact are very serious & she can't have him all to herself anymore. i can't talk to him abt any of this bc i don't want to hurt him. if i can't hold it in any longer i say mean things & he gets mad. says they're a pkg & i can take it or leave it. will this jealousy & selfishness evr go away? he just bought me a dog & she's txting me & him saying it's the "family dog" & demands tht she gets to sleep with it when she's there. & tells her dad tht they will have a group discussion abt it. (which means she's going to cry & tell him he doesn't care abt her.)
His ex started dating a guy with 3 kids who's unemployed & doesn't have a home 1 1/2 wks after she found out abt us.. very quick! they got married after a mo. -terrible example for the kids & you can tell he is using her dumb a** but in my opinion she was just trying to make her ex jealous. DIDN'T WORK LADY! so anyways what in the heck do i do? any BM could u tell me if this is normal to divorce ur husband to try & teach him to be diff. & still be in love with him, but dn't ever think he will find happiness & when he does u go crazy, get married, call him? txt him 24/7?! && anybody in my position, what do i do with his daughter? will our rltnshp b/w her & i evr grow or will she just blame me for taking her daddy's attn from her? what else is going on with her? she seems to be going dwnhill fast.
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You don't say how old you are
You don't say how old you are or how old your BF is. If your BF is already saying 'take it or leave it'...I think that should tell you something. He's not going to stand up for you or your relationship with his daughter, she will always come first. and no, BM's don't change, 'they don't want them, but they don't want anyone else to have them either', they just want to control them. I know you don't want to hear it, but my advice is to get out while you can. Believe me when I say, it's not going to get any better. If you've been reading anything on this site, you have to know that. And from my experience, the girls are the worst. They don't care if their mom has a BF, but oh when daddy gets a GF, that's just not right!
How old are you? Any man who
How old are you?
Any man who tells his SO to take it or leaves, doesn't give a damn about the relationship he is in.
I'm assuming your BF is at least 35 years old. Why would a man his age give someone a promise ring?
Two gigantic, huge, flaming
Two gigantic, huge, flaming red flags:
1. He tells you, "take it or leave it." He's been HONEST with you and he has let you know where you stand with him. IF you choose to stay in this relationship, you have been given fair warning of his frame of mind and where you fit into the picture he has of his life.
It's neither right nor wrong, but it is honest. The choice is now yours.
2. A grown ass man with teen children has given you a "promise ring." I'm sorry, but I'm still shaking my head at this. A PROMISE RING? Who over the age of 20 does that? Did he give you his class ring to wear on a necklace, too? Sorry, but this one just blows me out of the water. I can't help but wonder if you've been pressuring him and talking about the future, so he got a promise ring thinking it will appease you for a bit.
Last, and I truly don't mean this in a condescending way, but how old are you? It sounds like you're a starry eyed young lover and aren't seeing the forest through the trees.
Sorry, this doesn't sound
Sorry, this doesn't sound promising. You sound like you desperately want to hold on here. Problem is, it isn't going to get better. He has basically told you in his own words, this is how its going to be. You either like it or you leave.
Now the ball is in your court. You aren't going to change the situation here. Think long and hard about how you want to proceed. I think an exit for you is now in order. If you don't stand up for yourself now, you'll be a doormat later. You'll end up bitter and resentful of the whole situation.
Dad wants his precious and it sounds like that's how its going to be.
Run.
Run.
There are many interesting SD
There are many interesting SD stories on this site, but having to cuddle up to your BF in bed so he will throw his 12 year old daughter out of the bed sounds dysfunctional beyond words. I am sorry you are you are going through this and I have to agree with the other posters here. Run, or get yourself ready for a lifetime of hurt and rejection. It may help to talk with a good friend or a counselor to find out why you would stick around for such treatment. You are the only one looking out for you in this situation. I hope you treat yourself with kindness and make the hard choices required to protect yourself and create a healthy life. Wish you the best!
Do YOU feel as though you
Do YOU feel as though you have to compete with her? I can't figure it out, but from the tone of what you wrote I get the impression that there may be some of the, "ha he's all mine" attitude from the both of you.
If that's the case, it's a contributing factor to why the kid is acting out. From what you've said, the girl is going through a hell of a lot of changes (mom got remarried, 3 new siblings and you) and she is struggling to adjust.
Give the girl a break and give her a ton of alone time with her father. Even if it means that you have to move over.
DF read this thread. He will
DF read this thread. He will be 40 this month.
The promise ring thing cracked him up. He thinks this man is playing house and has no plans to move forward with the relationship.
He will only marry her if he's forced to(pregnancy, to one up his ex or if the OP starts to pressure him), not because he wants to.
TY 4 all of your comments. i
TY 4 all of your comments. i agree 110% i feel like i'm always put last. i feel all "starry eyed" as you said "Knuckelhead" but basically have to beg for his attn anymore. i left 3 diff times and it seems to get beter & now today he wants to take his son out for youth hunt & cancel our vacation. it's getting colder, i'm so pi***d. he's the one that said oh let's go on a vaca & have some alone time, blah blah blah. i love to shop, but i'm not gonna buy his bs. we're 11 yrs apart. he hasn't been divorced very long & i was told for every 5 yrs you're with someone it takes a yr to get ovr them. idk if he compares me to her & expects me to do things like she did but according to him all she did was go to wrk & couldn't do anything else. not even put her laundry in a basket! PIG! Anyways, i'm getting off topic bc i'm just mad at myself i guess for being treated like shit. i've gotta do something fast before i give the impression tht it's okay to treat me like this!