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The cute "power struggle"...

thelaststraw's picture

Submitted by thelaststraw on Mon, 05/21/2012 - 12:03pm

Last night SASS13 trots off to bed after saying "good night" to DW but nothing to me.

DW: " 'Good night TLS' " (expectantly waiting for SASS13 to parrot the same to me)

DW looks at me and shrugs her shoulders and I just reply "That's fine with me. I really don't care." I don't think she has come to terms with the fact that I don't care if he doesn't like me. If he wasn't around life would be much better and everyone in the house knows it.

I'm just biding my time. When he hits 18, he's out and I won't have him living under my roof ever again.

Comments

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Mon, 05/21/2012 - 12:28pm

My ss14 does this too. I finally called dh out on it the other night. Not that I care that ss tells me good nite as I just as soon prefer he not speak to me-but dh is not doing his job as a parent if he is letting rude, disrespectful behavior slide.

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Mon, 05/21/2012 - 12:36pm

My stepkids did this to me. It's really not about whether they like you or not. Its really about the courtesy and respect that they should have been taught to treat all adults a long time ago.

I refused to allow his kids to treat me disrespectfully in my own home. He HAD to fix it because it was a deal breaker for me. I would never allow my kids to be disrespectful to anyone let alone my husband.

He doesn't have to treat you like his dad, but he does have to show respect to his mother's husband.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Submitted by Helena.Handbasket on Mon, 05/21/2012 - 2:07pm

SD16 would do the same to me when I would greet her. I never greet her anymore. Its weird how she always says hi and bye to me now. Her weakness, vanity, she doesn't like being ignored.

thelaststraw's picture

Submitted by thelaststraw on Mon, 05/21/2012 - 2:24pm

Thanks all...

The grim reality is that he has no respect for anyone. I've set the bar so low for this kid he could stub his toe on it. He lives in a world of his own, because he doesn't really show/have a familial bond with anyone in the house.

As far as setting the tension level is concerned - I don't get it. My expectations are nothing. Basically, if I have expectations, and they aren't met, then I would get pissed. But seriously, this kid needs to find somewhere else to live and when he does - he will not be missed.

momagainfor4's picture

Submitted by momagainfor4 on Mon, 05/21/2012 - 2:44pm

I just don't understand why someone thinks that the basic social graces are ok to skip with anyone even a stepparent? I just raised my kids differently. But I totally understand where you are coming from on this.
Bm told my bf the other day that she was just so please with sd12, she was the sweetest most well mannered little girl!! Every one thinks so!! My bf said he was like what?
I said really, you've got to be kidding me? I've never been around when you didn't have to tell her to say thank you or you had to tell her when to respond to someone appropriately!? I have no idea what is wrong with people.

dalhia's picture

Submitted by dalhia on Mon, 05/21/2012 - 2:56pm

i have the same problem at home with SD 12. it gets annoying. DH tries to tell her to answer with full words when i talk to her, to say good morning and good night...it works sometimes. The main problem is that DH is not consistent...there is that word again "Consistent". That is the key of parenthood, i think and it is oh so very hard for men to do...i think :).
We have more serious problems with SD but the greetings and the dismissive responses are definitely an issue that –like other said- sets the tone and puts tension in the air. Honestly : I cant care less if she says hello but I believe that if she is allowed to act passive aggressive and dismissive and plain disrespectful with me at 12, things will get really bad in a couple of years. Daddy needs to educate this little girl and show her her place…

thelaststraw's picture

Submitted by thelaststraw on Tue, 05/22/2012 - 11:35am

Actually it's something with both of the older SKids. They'll just disappear for the night without a word to either DW or I at times. I chalk this up to them being raised by their complete a-hole of a father. Thankfully, he did not poison the well for youngest SS. He gives me a hug good night every night and if he is up when I leave for work, a hug goodbye.

He takes after his older brother at times, but I have hope for him yet.