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Your plan backfired and now you're mad?!

TBabygrl1's picture

Submitted by TBabygrl1 on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 11:26am

:jawdrop:
Ok me and my fiance have the kids for the weekend and the one of the first things the kids say is that they are not allowed to call me Mommy _____ (and name). They have not just said this once but a couple of times. When I asked them why they said "BH said she doesn't want them to get hurt when I leave DH and move away. Just like Daddy Matt did." (Note: daddy matt was a bf she had move in right after DH left during the separation.) She has trained these kids that whoever is with Mommy is Daddy thus they think whoever is with Daddy is Mommy. I never told them to start calling me that, they did it on their own. Now she is telling them that I am going to leave them just like their "other daddy's did" (mind you they think they have 6 daddy's).

What I want to know is would it be ok to talk to her and ask her to stop telling the kids these lies and stop talking about our relationship? Mind you she married her new husband after 4 months of dating and we are getting married after 3 years of dating (when we get married), who do you think is going to last longer? If you think it is ok, could you give me some ideas as to how to talk to her? Thank-you!

Comments

smdh's picture

Submitted by smdh on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 11:37am

Nope. Won't do you a damn bit of good. She will make you out to be the devil. In her mind what she does is perfectly ok for HER kids and whatever you and dh do is NOT ok for the kids. Talking to her about it will do nothing but incite a war.

knucklehead's picture

Submitted by knucklehead on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 11:47am

It would be a waste of breath.
If you didn't ask them to call you this, will it bother you if they don't?

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Submitted by stepmomto3bioto1 on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 1:10pm

Our BM did the exact same thing to me/us!!!!! Its amazing how these crazy BMs act alike!! There was not much I could do sadly. We just laughed it off & I told the skids I was NOT going anywhere!!!

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

Submitted by RainbowsAndDaisies on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 5:03pm

Dont talk to her. She is obviously a few crayons short of a full box. Next time the kids tell you that they arent allowed to call you (whatever), shrug your shoulders and nonchalantly say "ok. Id rather you call me (whatever) anyway." And then let it go. This is not a battle worth fighting. You can gently reassure them that you are here to stay, but they will eventually realize that you are not going anywhere, regardless.

AndSoItIs's picture

Submitted by AndSoItIs on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 7:26pm

I don't think it would do a bit of good. Who is the crazier person? The actual crazy person, or the one that thinks the crazy person can process normally and will react normally, and thinks they can talk sense into a crazy person? If she were a normal person, you wouldn't have this issue to begin with. I used to tell DH to talk with BM about xyz issue bc I thought it would make her realize. After several years of normal concerns and issues being turned and spun in to ridiculousness...I now just advise him to not say a word to anything. Nothing you say will matter. Even if it's something you think will help the skids. Hell ESPECIALLY then! She will spin it and somehow make it your fault.