Bio-Mom has SS3 (potty-trained for a year) in pullups!
UGGG! Just another piss me off day on Saturday (our pick-up day). We picked SS3 up and took him to the hall where we belong as firefighters. When SS said he had to pee, I took him to the rest room, where I found out he was in a pull-up and had diaper rash again! I have had this kid potty trained for the last year with NO accidents during the day and about 5 or 6 overnight accidents- which I think is a hell of an accomplishment for a 3 year old that has gone through all the shit his bio-mom has!
But the issue is bothering me now that tomorrow is Wednesday (her pick-up day). I refuse to buy pullups to send him home in, and I also don't want to send a pair of undies we will never get back with him or we will get them back stained and I will just end up throwing them away. But I feel bad sending him with no underwear too. I'm just sick of this!
He constantly is coming back (after 3 days) with his mom, and has diaper rash, and his poor front- he complains it hurts and is itchy, its always very red when he comes back- (we don't think he gets a bath).
Just making me mad and needed to vent... don't know what to do about tomorrow. DH has told her many times to keep him out of the pullups that he hasn't had any accidents during the day for a year and overnights- who cares if you have to change sheets and blankets in the middle of the night- doesn't bother me- we have not had to do this for over 6 months, yet she refuses. He always asks us to use the rest room, which pisses me off too, when you have to go kiddo, just go. So idk if she doesn't allow him or what is going on, but I'm irritated today!
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Daycare may make him ask. My
Daycare may make him ask. My DD3 is in a classroom setting for daycare and I think they have to ask. She sometimes asks at home and sometimes goes on her own.
Daycare has an open door
Daycare has an open door policy, the kids go in, and they monitor from there. I have asked them just to make sure too.
Some 3 year olds ask, some
Some 3 year olds ask, some don't. He is only 3. If you do not want to send him back in undies, then send him back in pullups, you cannot use the child to prove a point to mom by sending him back in no underwear. You are not going to be happy whichever decision you make, but you are going to have to make a decision and it has to be one that is in the best interests of the child. Well, I should say HIS FATHER needs to make the decision really doesn't he, he is the father.
We decided that he is going
We decided that he is going back in undies, but she will be required to return them in his bag, not on him. She provides his clothing to come to our house because our clothes get destroyed when he goes to her house.
When my SS3 was starting to
When my SS3 was starting to toilet train at 2 1/2 (my initiative)... his BM refused to accept that he was ready and he would constantly come to our house with full diapers.
She refuses to provide us clothing, except for what my SS's (older brother 5) are wearing at the time so we are very reluctant to send them home in the clothing we provide them without her clothes she sends them in as collateral. Sounds petty I know, but because she doesn't want to provide them with extras we certainly don't want to lose the clothes we spend money on either (as hers are usually full of holes & stains)...
Anyways, I digress... I bit the bullet and gave up worrying about her clothes/our clothes and send SS3 home in our underwear. The first time, he had an accident and she called mad that he was not in daipers... my SO explained again how he doesn't have accidents in our home and he is ready to train. SS3 is also very outspoken and as soon as he figured out he didn't have to wear diapers, as I always gave him the choice in our home. It was only a couple of weeks before she decided to jump on board with us. Yes, we lost a few pairs of undies in the process - but ultimately, the choice between being the family that nit-picks over the cost of a couple of kid underwears lost is worth it to know that we are also the family that allows the kids the opportunity to choose their own independence as well.
He tells BD and I all the
He tells BD and I all the time that he is in diapers at mommy's house. The quote that was said the other night "I like being a big boy, and having big boy undies. Don't like diapers at mommys. Imma big boy now. No more diapers- they yucky"
What's that tell ya?
You have no control over what
You have no control over what his mom does in her home, and of course if he is happier in undies then it is better for the him to be in undies, but honestly, I would do it your way in your home, and let mom do it her way in hers and say nothing, especially since the child seems comfortable in your home with the undies. He'll soon train his mom. The harder you try to convince his mother to do it your way, the harder she will fight you, and the child pays the price.
We had this same issue with
We had this same issue with the SpermClan when my SS-19 was in the 1-5yo range. As a toddler of toilet training age he would get on the plane to SpermLand for visitation 85+% potty trained and come back in a diaper or pull up with butt rash so bad he had puss filled welts all over his butt cheeks and his anus so raw it would bleed when we cleaned him up. His poor little boy winkie was red, raw and swollen also.
He would leave clean, happy and confident and come home obviously unhappy 1-6wks later (1wk Winter, 1wk Spring, 5-6wks Summer) raw, bleeding, dirty, with a case of BO that would make a septic worker proud.
He would come home from summer visitation with 1/4inch long finger and toe nails, black goo under his arms, behind his ears and in his crotch area. His teeth would be caked with yellow goo and his breath would gag a maggot.
What it took for us to finally get this under control was to start taking photographs of him before he left and when he returned. We also started taking him directly from the airport to his pediatritian's office after we picked him up. Before and after photographs and a Doc report sent under the letter head of our shark of an attorney threatening all kids of legal hell finally got the SpermClan to pull their heads out of their asses and at least clean him up a bit before they put him on the plane back home.
My SS has seen the doc reports and photographs of his deplorable post visitation condition several times. We keep copies in our file cabinet in the two drawes reserved for Custody/Visitation/Support. If by some chance the SpermClan ever brainwashes our kid in to supporting their toothless moron crap we have facts and proof to counter their crap with.
I would suggest that you do the same and start smaking BM with the facts of her neglect of your SS's toilet trainign and hygiene.
Good luck.
OHhhhhhhhhhhhh boy can I
OHhhhhhhhhhhhh boy can I relate!! Except in our case all of this was true PLUS Ss would not poop at home. He would only poop at BM's house because she let him do it in a pull up. It got to the point that he would hold it so long at our house (3 or 4 days) that it was making him sick. Super constipated. I had to take him to the Dr several times for enema's etc. It got tot the point that DH and I actually WENT TO BM'S house and sat there for 2 hours and showed her how to make sure he went on the toilet (with the help of a laxitive). It was madness.