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For once dh and I are on the same page with a bio vs skid issue!!

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 04/04/2012 - 7:38am

My plan since we got pregnant has been to have BS(stb3) at the hospital with us when we have his baby brother, but I want the skids to either go to school/stay with a friend (depending on when we go into labor). I've been hesitant to bring it up because I figured that it would he a huge fight.... That i want to include BS but not the skids.

Well, time is running short (we are now 35 weeks along) so I finally started the conversation yesterday evening.

Me- man, I just realized that we are going to be full term in only two weeks.
Dh: yeah, how crazy is that? When is your mom flying in again?
Me: not till may third, so this little guy better stay put until we reach atleast 39 weeks, or things with BS get a bit complicated?
Dh: what do you mean?
Me: well, what are we going to do with BS if my mom isn't here yet?
Dh: well, he's obviously going to be with us at the hostipal, he's going to want to see his baby being born (super score!)
Me: well, yeah. Obviously he's going to be there with us, hut my concern is if we end up with complications and have a c-section. They won't let BS in the operating room, and wed have no one to stay with him while you come with me.
Dh: hmmm, I didn't think of that. I'll call my sister to get her on stand by as a backup to come to the hospital and watch BS if needed. I already called So-and-so and they will watch the skids if baby is born when the skids aren't in school.

Even though it happens so rarely, its really nice when we are on the same page with the bio vs skid issues. Usually something like this (where BS gets something diferent than the skids) we end up in a huge fight. So even he, on some level, realizes that his kids can't behave and BS is way easier to be around.

I then decided to push my luck and mention that he should buy the skid's plane tickets for them to spend 8 weeks in ny this summer with mil. He agrees to do it today, and I very happily left him my credit card, once those tickets are bought its set in stone. 8 weeks of skid free maternity leave.... Just me, BS and newborn bs2 (and Dh when he's not working, lol).

I am in heaven just thinking about it....

Comments

Jmom's picture

Submitted by Jmom on Wed, 04/04/2012 - 7:58am

Good luck. I hope all goes well. I'm actually taking some time off this week to spend with BS12 on Spring Break. Sometimes DH doesn't understand that we need to have a life too when SD12 isn't here. When I read your post I completely understood.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 04/04/2012 - 8:09am

We have full custody of them, so they'll be there when we bring baby home, I just don't need to be dealing with their crap while I am in labor!

He will probably bring them to the hospital for an hour or two each day I am there, but I can deal with that.

The first 4 weeks will be rough.... But once school is out they are getting shipped to mil's for two months.

Jmom's picture

Submitted by Jmom on Wed, 04/04/2012 - 8:25am

I don't get it. Who cares what BM thinks? Why would she want to be a part of this special time between you and DH?? Ok I know why I just find it crazy.

On a side note I have decided not to have children with DH. I have a BS12 and SD12. That's enough. I'll be 35 next week and was really thinking about a second kid but I raised BS alone for 10 years and he's a good kid. SD12 on the other hand is just a little different and I think the way BM and DH handle her makes her even more different. I'm sure he would be a great father but guilty daddy would always be around and I would probably flip my lid.

Jmom's picture

Submitted by Jmom on Wed, 04/04/2012 - 8:52am

The way to deal with extra drama and crap is to not invite it in. You see being a child of divorce I had a lot of insight into what I was getting myself into with DH. My mom was the worst type of BM. She was angry and jealous and tried to punish my dad and my SM using us. Don't get me wrong my mom is one of my best frieds, we talk every day and have dinner together every Sunday Smile But when it came to dealing with my SM she completely overstepped boundaries. I made it known to DH before we got married (we dated 6 years, married for 6 months) that I was not going to deal with a crazy BM (and she is crazy). I let him handle her. I don't talk to her, she's not invited into my home and the one time she tried to start texting me (regarding pick up and drop of SD) after the 3rd text I informed her that she needed to contact DH. My job is to take care of my home and their daughter on the weekend. I know this may sound cold but my life is not a Lifetime made for TV movie. I live in the real world and the majority of the time nice BM is not really nice, she's just trying to make sure she remains relevant in her ex's world. Do we have hiccups every now and then? Of course we do. I wouldn't be blogging on the site if we didn't Smile I'm just trying to say that sometimes you have to worry about you and yours and not BM and the SKIDS.