Distraught, at my wit's end
DH expects me to love and treat his kids as my own. I don't have a problem with this until he disagrees with something and since they're "his" kids he gets the final say. They're only "his" kids when it is convenient for him, and Critch is trying more and more to be involved even though she is only an attention whore and trying to be MOTY for her current husband's sake.
I can't really disengage because the kids are young and if I did that they would be hurt, and I care about them dearly so I don't want to do that. At the same time I am *this* close to leaving because I am BEYOND frustrated and am so tired of the way I am being treated. BM just uses me as a channel to the kids, which I don't like. And DH just expects me to take care of everything and does not lift a finger to take initiative on his own.
I am at the point where I don't remember why I married him and don't have a good reason to stay. The only thing keeping me here is that I am so dang stubborn I won't break a promise. I promised I wouldn't leave unless he cheated on me or abused me.
Blah.
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I can tell you this is not
I can tell you this is not good firsthand, I did this all the time myself but then I realized if I want my fiance to be a part of our lives, I have to let her be the woman of the house and back her up weather I disagree or not. I had that bad and still have a long way to go.
They're only "his" kids when
They're only "his" kids when it is convenient for him
this is probably one of the things that irks me the most about DHs skewed idea of how I should conduct myself as a step "parent" and I use that word very loosely because in reality what DH wants is for me to be the
1. step bobble head (just smile and say "yes dear" to whatever decision needs to be made in regards to skids)
2.the step entertainment director (because DH wants me to provide entertainment for skids)
3.the step happy dwarf (because DH wants me to sing skids praises, but never shall I speak of anything they have done wrong because then I hate them)
You know, I should start having these expecatations of DH with our BS2.. NEW rules DH, you are not allowed to scold BS, you must make sure BS is happily entertained and when my ex-H calls and asks for money or favors, you must smile and say OK, always.. because after all he's my problem to deal with.
Pfftt... that would last for 1 nanosecond.
Ah, the age-old step-problem:
Ah, the age-old step-problem: "All of the responsibiity, none of the authority." This is probably the biggest challenge facing most step-parents, and certainly one that I have faced many times. My wife never granted me parental authority, and if I tried to correct SD17, then I was always being "too harsh."
Unfortunately, your options are limited. You can forget reasoning with your spouse. They see everything through skid-colored glasses, and will always take their side. Counseling is generally a waste of time as well, unless your spouse initiated it. You can do one of three things:
1. Leave.
2. Disengage.
3. Get a cat.
In my situation, I still love DW, even though I get very aggravated with the way that she kisses SD17's ass. So I opted for #2 and #3.
You mentioned that you love your skids - don't feel like you are letting them down by disengaging. The fact of the matter is that you are powerless to change them. Only your spouse can do that. Disengaging presents a real opportunity for you to open his eyes, and he may very well change. This will ultimately help your skids, since he would finally be doing something to better them as a person. And, of course, by disengaging, you will have relieved yourself of a boatload of stress.
Best of luck to you. You are in a tough spot.
I also am doing number 2 (hee
I also am doing number 2 (hee hee! - sorry - childish moment!) and have 5 dogs. Still not enough....
I get that too..... They are
I get that too..... They are our kids, I'm their mom..... Until we don't agree on something. Then I am just the nanny, cook, and housekeeper.
^^^THIS!! It's like "Happy
^^^THIS!!
It's like "Happy Mother's Day" and "You're the best mom they've ever had"
Then "Sometimes you act like you don't love them" and "We should let Critch have her way because it's the right thing to do"
-_-
Yep. I run into this issue
Yep. I run into this issue weekly, if not more often.
put your foot down with dh.
put your foot down with dh. firmly. keep doing it. give it a month. if it continues, then you know you have done everything you can.