Please tell me this information would be important to a judge!!!!
We've collected a lot of documentation over the past few years, mostly examples of how BM puts herself first, above everyone including her children. All seem to be little things that are explained away by excuses. But together, it's a TON of info. Not to mention, for the past year we've kept track on a calendar all the nights we have the skids and all the nights we know they go to her mom's. She doesn't have her children even 40% of the time. Yet she has "full" custody and DH's is called "extended visitation".
I blogged earlier this week about how BM's former phone has fallen into our possession (she gave it to SD to play with and didn't delete a thing, including sext photos she'd received from men). Obviously I realize us looking through the phone could be considered a breach of privacy...right? But then again, she gave it to DH's kids to have, it was brought to our house/property, therefore it is free game right?? I guess maybe I'm making excuses for feeling a little guilty over this...BUT...
We've gleaned some rather incriminating evidence. In the past 6 months, she's been having an affair with a married man. She has had a sex fling with a 17 year old (who apparently did turn 18 during the fling). There is evidence of countless guys texting her to hook up because they're horny then she'll send them her address. There is also evidence that this stuff has gone on at her house, while the kids are sleeping.
We're trying to figure out how to remove all that information and put it on our PC - but even if we figure out how to do that, is that viable in court? Could they argue that we "altered" some of it or something?
What if we video record the phone while the other recites some of the texts?
And the big question - does this matter? Of course MOST of this is on her own time - she can obviously do what she wants with her sex life. But this stuff ON TOP of all the little examples of things that just PROVE that her kids are NOT a priority in her life -- isn't that something????
DH is thinking about consulting a lawyer this week.
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Yes, consult a lawyer who is
Yes, consult a lawyer who is in the area where the divorce was decreed, because this is where you will have the trial. I would say the most important thing is you get a lawyer who fights for you, knows their stuff, and equally important KNOWS the judges and has tried cases in front of them.
edit: We used SMS backup to get a document of our texts
here's a post recently for helpful ideas http://www.steptalk.org/node/60157
That program would work if
That program would work if they were active texts but getting the old texts to a program without actually having to activate the phoen is harder.
I honestly don't know that
I honestly don't know that this is going to be worth your time. I think bottom line, the courts look at the mother's ability to provide for her children. Are the children, clothed, fed, provided with shelter, heat, education etc? If the answer to those questions is yes, then case closed. What she does with her sex life, her private time etc is her business. If the kids are with her mother alot, she could just argue that their grandmother loves to see them and have them over night etc etc so why should she deny the kids access to their grandmother? And the same with being with you guys extra, she'll argue that she would rather let their father have them than send them to a sitter.
IMHO, she will come out smelling like a rose in all of this and you guys will just look like the nit picky, vindictive, BM haters.
And I also want to point out that this is advice that is tailored to YOUR situtation, as from reading your posts over the years, your BM seems to be the queen manipulator, she is fairly well spoken, educated, has a good job, etc. and is pretty darn good at twisting things to get he way. I just see this as a waste of time, effort and money for you guys. Sorry
Thank you - that's the thing
Thank you - that's the thing I wanted to hear....and you are right. She'll twist it all around. Ugh.
BUT we have also had SS4 in the last year over the extended visitation threshold (which means we should be paying less CS) so I think what we're hoping for if not full custody that we could atleast get BM to agree to splitting everything into joint custody and splitting all payments half - daycare/medical premiums/etc (which would be about $200 less for her a month).
Our state is the type that unless both parties agree to splitting 50/50, the dad has to pay the half for everything PLUS if he makes more whatever the difference is between their wages. This is why DH gave up the fight for joint custody back a few years ago, because his lawyer told him he'd end up paying more a month that way. However, he now makes less money than he did then, and SHE makes more, so I'm not sure how that would pan out now. However if we can basically convince her that we're going to take her to court over this unless she agrees to splitting, maybe it'll work out.
BUT we have also had SS4 in
BUT we have also had SS4 in the last year over the extended visitation threshold (which means we should be paying less CS) so I think what we're hoping for if not full custody that we could atleast get BM to agree to splitting everything into joint custody and splitting all payments half - daycare/medical premiums/etc (which would be about $200 less for her a month)
Oh, I'd totally go for this, just leave out all the other "stuff" as far as skids being with g-ma and BM extra curriculars. Stick with the black and white, I don't know any judge who wants to hear about all the other "stuff"
And I wanted to let you know that I wasn't trying to dimish the sexting, multiple partner, barfly crap that BM has going on. That totally sucks, trust me, I have a 38 year old BM with a 20 year old boyfriend (same age as her 20 year old son-different father) Drives DH nutso that SS is living with her while she was off cheating on her BF of 6 years with a 20 year old that she works with and telling SS all the details beacuse she of course treats him like her friend, then moving new boy-toy who doesn't even have a car and minimal income right in with her. Great role model! But... as long as she is providing for SS which she somehow manages to do in her spare time, there really isn't a heck of alot we can do about her personal life without looking like we are just being petty and vindictive.
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I would take it all to court.
I would take it all to court. Leave the information intact on her telephone but if you can extract it to your PC and print it for the Judges review without destroying or changing it on the phone then do it.
We used rheems of information like you describe in court when defending the best interests of my SS against his SpermIdiot and the SpermClan.
It did not all prove to be effective but when the idiots in the blended family oppostion have nothing to prove their perspective other than whining and ranting having comprehensive information, evidence, facts and proof gives your side much more credibility than what the indiot oppostion brings to court.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Unless you have alot more
Unless you have alot more documentation than just the phone, I'd say it is a waste of time. However, the longer you keep the phone and not use it, the less important it becomes. I would have concerns that BM is bring in different men to have sex with them with the kids at home. What if one of them is a sex offender and useing her to get to the kids? That to me is very bad judgement on her part. But she can come back and say that they where at her mothers every time she had men over. Talk to a lawyer.