Ad litem
OK so basically everything I have read says that this site is full of ppl who understand what we are going through. So now I am hoping for usefull advise. We are going through an ugly custody battle. She signed over physical custody three years ago and now wants it back. After finding out we were playing on relocating to my home state. She is bipolar, manic depressive, suicidal, with high anxiety. She has been institutionalized and is on several meds. She doesn't take good care of the kids, or herself, just recently, at almost 40home yrs of age stopped stripping. Everything was looking and sounding good for court next week until today when we got floored with the response from the ad litem attorney saying she recommends she get physical custody with the father having every other week visitation. We are shocked! He was the only one there when she abandoned these kids so how???? Someone please help!
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I have a good relationship
I have a good relationship with the kids. They have a long road because of social awkwardness but we are getting there. But now for the last six months their mother is really stepping up. (I don't believe for the right reasons) she has been taking them to museums a.nd play areas, basically six month vacation for the kids
You need to provide as much
You need to provide as much documentation on BM showing she is a wack job and shouldn't have the kids, as possible. IE: proof she is mentally unstable, she's been admitted, she is bipolar, ect, documentation you have had the kids for 3 yrs, papers showing she signed over her rights, school papers for the kids showing she was not involved, the kids Dr notes showing she has never taken them, a journal showing when she has- or hasn't called the kids, when she's seen them, when she's stood them up, all the drama she has caused, how often you have the kids, all the sports and school functions you attend, family and friends write letters and have them get it notarised stating all of the above. Make sure not to completely trash BM. I would also ask the kids how they would feel if they left to mommys and only saw DH once in a while. I bet they don't like the idea since daddy is all they have had. Then take them to a counselor and have the counselor write up their view on how the kids feel about BM, DH and changing the custody so drastically. All of this is more than enough for a judge to see it is not in the best interest of the child and for the judge to only grant BM every other weekend. Best of luck. Also make sure to keep a journal of every phone convo, interaction, everything that has to so with kids and BM, DH and BM, you and BM from now on out. Again good luck and keep us posted!!
One of the factors of someone
One of the factors of someone being awarded custody is what parent would be the more willing parent to allow visitations and contact with the other parent. Of course if you were to move, your hubby would still allow contact and that doesnt really pertain to this. He is not witholding custody but you better bet your ass on it that BM is going to use that against you and say, "Oh they are only moving away because they dont want me to see my kid/kids. BM wasnt taking you guys to court, but when you opened up that window (trying to move the kids) she basically wants to be a pain and respond and say," Oh you want to move my kids away from me? Well I will just take them away from YOU." Yeah she hasnt been in their lives but I fear she has had to say or do something that has made the ad litem go against you. If a judge sees that the children are doing well in schools, in the home and are basically happy and taken care of like they should be I dont really know why a judge would change that..In my state its a law that no judge is to order a custody change unless there is a great change in circumstance and that the judge or witnesses of the court can prove the change and put it legally on paper..Trust me I have had many judges tell me, because we were worried after my husband got custody of SD, BM trying to come and take her back," Just as hard as it is for a father to get custody will it be for her to get custody BACK due to the reasons on why she lost custody in the first place. It is going to take a lot of changes in order for her to get custody back..She will need to make good changes but at the same time you would need to make bad changes."
Yes, it is. Moving a child
Yes, it is. Moving a child away from the other is highly frowned upon. DO what the other posters have suggested, but also think strongly about either dropping your plans to move and dismissing your court case or telling the judge you will not move if the children can not go with you. I would also still try to get any all documentation of her mental issues and legal issues.
You need to get as much info
You need to get as much info on BM as you can. If its legal and somehow possible to pry into BM's records or absolutely ANYTHING you can, I would!! Gaurdian Ad litems have a very heavy weight on the judge's decision. Thats why judges usually appoint Gaurdian Ad Litems because they are SUPPOSE to be the ones actually talking to the children and the adults..Gaurdian Ad litems are the ones that are SUPPOSE to get to the bottom of everything and tell the judge what they think, so a lot of judges do listen to the ad litem.. Some judges appoint them because they need another perspective on the situation, and of course in the end it IS up to the judge but if you have an ad litem that is going against you then you need to get all of the proof you can so that you can tell the judge why the ad litem's decision would be the WRONG decision for the kids.. I have been in this situation not once but twice so I know a little bit of insight. Good luck...
Thank you everyone for all
Thank you everyone for all your help. We have requested all the medical reports, so yes ad litem is aware of her mental instability. Her attorney is the same attorney who did their divorce and tried advising her against giving away custody so they are all aware. We have all the documentation from the eleven times she called DHS on us, (all unsubstantiated ) and my husband's first Sgt is going to be in the court for the ten times she called him. We have documentation of car accidents due to her meds. I've been trying to think of everything and the ad litem has seen it all, hence why we were so shocked. I don't have the option of staying here. I've been here a year but my oldest is out of state because she was in high school and chose to stay but she needs me now. I feel so torn!