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Emerald's picture

Submitted by Emerald on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 8:13pm

I am tired of getting my heart broken on an hourly basis with these fkn skids. I'm not going to be a step anymore. I am not only just going to disengage, I quit!!! no more reminding DH to call them, no more making sure they have any food etc when they are here Dad can. I will just do my thing when they are here visiting Dad and I will not let him leave me alone with them ever again!!!!! Now, any suggestions on how to make this transaction smooth for all?

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12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 8:31pm

This is what I did:
Went grocery shopping Sunday afternoons instead of Saturdays - all snacks were then eaten by my kids, and when they came threy were eating the tail end of the week. I made cheap meals that required little effort.

When they came over on the eowe I went to my room on Fridays and read, or went out with a friend. Saturday I would go shopping, out with my kid doing errands, see family.

I quit doing their laundry because I was busy.

I quit offering to take them with me.

I would call dh ask him to start dinner.
I always have my ddh back- but I never do anything directly for skids

Emerald's picture

Submitted by Emerald on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 12:45am

I tried the not cooking thing, DH cant cook to save his life, so I do cook but i fix my plate and let him take care of skids now.
Tried letting him shop as well and OMG!!! all he got was crap, we cant afford to feed us crap let alone his bottomless pit of a son.
So I also shop but do it alone and make them bring it all in from the car and put it away.
But as far as even talking to them anymore, I'm done. everything I say and do gets twisted around and repeated to BM. I call skids Pete and Repete now. rofl

laurabunny's picture

Submitted by laurabunny on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 1:23pm

I actually ran across a great solution that I'm using with my skids. I got so tired of the "you're not my REAL mommy" and the "BM says I don't have to listen because you're just DH's wife" stuff, that I told them that they were right, I'm not their Mommy, and so I won't act like it anymore because I know it bothers them. So I don't pick them up from school, because that is something that a Mommy does. When I buy things for BD6 and BD9, and they ask why they didn't get anything, I tell them that shopping for them is something that a Mommy does. When they want lunch money instead of a sack lunch for school, I tell them that they'll have to ask their Mommy for that, because I am not their Mommy. When the littlest one whines that he doesn't like dinner and why can't I make something that he likes, I just tell him that only Mommies do that for thier children. I let them know that if they want me to be their Mommy and do things for them that a Mommy would do, they're going to have to show me that they want me to be Mommy by being respectful and loving, following the rules of our house and family, and stop tattling on me to BM. (Of course, I would never allow them to be hungry or not safe, I just don't go above and beyond like I do for my BDs) You should see their little jaws drop when they realize that they can't treat me like crap and still get everything that a Mommy should do. The best part for me is that it requires no effort on my part, and when DH says something about it, I just say that I'm doing what he told me to and getting along with the kdis by giving them what they asked for.