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Nats1's picture

Submitted by Nats1 on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 5:12pm

Hello,
I'm a 27 year old step mother to two boys. My fiancée is 41. We are to be married in 2012.
When I first met his ex wife I thought she was lovely, my fiancée and had a great relationship for the kids. After my fiancée and I brought a house and moved in together she started making lots of comments about the past - when they were together ( over 8 years ago) she felt the need to constantly remind me of what they did and how their house was decorated etc etc
I just shrugged it off and thought maybe she is too comfortable around me and doesn't think she is offending me. One night we were invited along with the kids to my fiancees parents for dinner, his ex was also invited. She started to tell stories of when they were together and how he used to sneak out of his parents house to go meet up with her- I was gutted, not because of what they use to do but because I didn't want to hear it. I did and said nothing...
We went to her 40th birthday as she wanted us to bring the kids , she passed a book around that she made - it was a photo book, in this book were 4 pages of photos, on every page was a picture of her and my fiancée cuddled up when they were younger, then the last page was a title 'most influential men' and a picture of her and my fiancée. I could understand a picture of them and the kids but not just of the two of them - there were no pictures if her current partner either and they own a house and live together.
Am I going crazy or is this woman still in love with my man?
There have been so many other things happen and it has got to the point that my fiancée and I argue about her ( I always get upset about her and take it out on him).
I really don't know how to handle this - please help!

Comments

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 5:17pm

I have absolutely no contact with my x and think it's very strange. There are no photos of him on display in my home, and the only ones of him an any photo albums also include other family members but are few and far between. I divorced my x and wanted nothing more to do with him, but maybe your SO's situation is different.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 5:33pm

Have nothing to do with her. If she invites her kids to her place, send Fiance along and stay away.
If she passes judgement on your decorating style say "To each their own..."
The photo album, ... look she is being territorial. She had him first and now you (Miss Almostyoungenoughtobehisdaughter)comes along and she is pissing on anything she can to prove to you SHE came FIRST and sista, don't you forget it!
I would keep my distance and smile and wave.
If you fear your fiance will change his mind there is really nothing you can do about that. Although right now she is winning because you seem jealous and she is 'just trying to be friends'.
Keeping away from her will make it harder for her to gauge how annoying she is. And just keep smiling like you kow her dirty little secret. THAT will make her crazier... Bwahahahaha!

Nats1's picture

Submitted by Nats1 on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 6:09pm

Haha thanks for that - I think I will do just that. It will be hard at family gatherings (she us always there) and Christmas is at her place Sad but I will keep my distance. I know he is definitely not into her - he has made that very clear- there is no chance for her.
Thank you guys Smile I feel better now.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 12:32am

How old are her sons that you all need to play "Happy Families" for the forseeable future?

Travel in a separate vehicle and when all the gifting is done make your excuses to leave. Tell them all you have made other arrangements to help the needy. Call in and help give out dinner at a local nursing home and then go home, feet up and wait for fiance to come home.

Sounds MUCH more relaxing than playing smiley-miley face with your fiance's ex. Tell me, why is this happening anyway? How long have they been divorced? Is this your Christmas Future?

Nats1's picture

Submitted by Nats1 on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 5:42pm

They have been divorced 8 years so it's not a new thing. We all spend Christmas together for the kids. Last year I took my parents to her place also which was ok but weird. I suppose we all worry about the kids and don't want any dramas for them but she is making this difficult for me. I would never do anything to jeopardize things for the kids but I feel I need to put her in her place somehow... Like draw a line and tell her not to cross it...

MandaV's picture

Submitted by MandaV on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 8:34pm

Don't let it phase you! She's just jealous her ex-husband upgraded to a younger, hotter model. Smile My husband's ex is a lot older than me and that's what I tell myself, lol!

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 3:50am

i don't understand. if your fdh and her get along so well now, why are they divorced? why is christmas at her place? it sounds like there's still too many emotional ties here. why don't you and your fdh start your own traditions that don't include his ex? are you beginning your own family and life together or are you being invited to simply join in theirs?

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 3:52am

i don't understand. if your fdh and her get along so well now, why are they divorced? why is christmas at her place? it sounds like there's still too many emotional ties here. why don't you and your fdh start your own traditions that don't include his ex? are you beginning your own family and life together or are you being invited to simply join in theirs?

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 3:52am

i don't understand. if your fdh and her get along so well now, why are they divorced? why is christmas at her place? it sounds like there's still too many emotional ties here. why don't you and your fdh start your own traditions that don't include his ex? are you beginning your own family and life together or are you being invited to simply join in theirs?

bestwife's picture

Submitted by bestwife on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 1:01pm

Okay I can be a real bitch when provoked. And yes she is deliberately provoking you.

Her docorating comments: My response "Oh I remember back when that was in style. I really liked that style - it's a shame it's out of date now." said as sweetly as possible.

Pictures of her with DH: "Oh look how young you were. I would not have recognized you."

"Oh you used to sneak out?" Gosh I was always too much to "good girl" to do something like that. (you piece of trash you)

Not so subtle message "You are so OLD hat ex-wify and a tramp too."

fyi - I am 10 years older than the ex-slag - but I look 10 years younger.