a epiphany
I was thinking today about why I dislike the skids and I know I have read this exact revelation before, but it never clicked till today. It has nothing to do with them or how they will behave towards me. I can only expect fdh to stand up for me and the respect I deserve from them. I cant expect them to respect me and consider it important/necessary if fdh doesnt feel the same way about the respect. I feel so much anxiety about any contact with them (skids) bc I know i could be disrespected (most likely) and fdh wont do anything about it. Even if they say something extremly rude to my face in front of him. He just wont deal with the issue. Not sure where this leaves "us" as he he still hasnt dealt with one incident he said he would (i have no hope that he will). I am thinking there is something to the thought that if you partner still complains, its a sign of them still caring. I am about to stop complaining, I cant believe fdh care about standing up for me. That hurts more than the skids behavior.
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The thing is the skids are
The thing is the skids are all adults and do not live at home. They never see fdh, call fdh, text fdh, or see fdh (as of last 3 months). They avoid him bc of me and he doesnt try to have any contact with him. Some things I know I'll have to see them, holidays and major life events, but fdh prefers I go with him to those kinds of things even though he knows how they treat me and he wont do anything about it. I went with him to a skid wedding 4 months ago and it was horrible, even though he and I discussed the possible issues before hand. He said he understood and would deal with it. He didnt of course. He thinks that ignoring me is okay since they are not saying anything rude to me. So ignoring my existence is so respectful :? . If i didnt go to the functions they he wouldnt go either and it'd be all my fault. Always my fault...so tired of this.
I've thought about that, but
I've thought about that, but then everyone there would chastise me and call me rude, I'd get it @ home from Fdh. No one in the family except me apparently sees their nasty behavior. If another wedding comes up ill have to come up with something that weekend to have a reason to miss it. I'm feeling defeated but I do appreciate the advicee
The funny thing is I am told
The funny thing is I am told to be an adult and ignore their behavior, but they are adults too.
As oldhag said - DH's silence
As oldhag said - DH's silence gives them permission to treat you appallingly. I really think that you have to make DH see reason if there is to be any sort of future for your relationship with him. However, in the meantime, I would recommend you disengage from the SKIDS: http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Really it is totally DH's fault - he is being a complete tool and it is good that you are now aware of this.
Why wait for FH to address
Why wait for FH to address the issue? Why haven't you done it?
You don't need his OK to put anyone who disrespects you in their place.
I guess I thought it was his
I guess I thought it was his place to do it, but from now on if something similar happens I will deal with it myself. I wonder how that will go over with Fdh...
If he can't see why I feel the need, then I guess I know my place.
If he objects to you standing
If he objects to you standing up for yourself, then your place may be away from him.
I think it's great that you
I think it's great that you had an epiphany on your situation. It took me awhile too despite the advice I had gotten previously from others too. I hope you read what Kes sent you. That was a huge eye opener for me. I have been diengaging for about a month. I'm not perfect and it takes a lot of practice and patience. Don't beat yourself up along the way if your'e not perfect in disengaging, it's a live and learn process.
Hang in there
Not unlike the other posters
Not unlike the other posters here, I disengaged to preserve my sanity. No, biodad will NOT do anything about the disrespect for the following reasons:
1. He is afraid of "losing" his children to the BM (TM) if he actually parents them and the BM finds out (usually the BM thinks of biodad as a mere wallet and that he has relinquished all parental duties/authority to her upon vacating their mutual home)
2. He doesn't want to spend "what little time he has with his children disciplining them" (TM)