i am in TOTAL agreement with you!!! dh gets so mad when he hears me on the phone saying "no, we can't make it, have ags this w/e". in the past i have taken the clingy crybaby whiney asses to my family functions, but i put a stop to that a couple years ago, i think right after my little bitch sd became a full throttle thief & liar....

aside from my utter dislike for ags, i agree, it is a little rude to bring 2-3 more mouths to feed.... wtf? my family always says it's ok if ags come, i'm like NOT ok with me, i want to have a good time and not be plagued by dh's baggage...

whatever, you might get some people in serious disagreement with this, but fuck it, this is the way we feel, can't help that..

however, i don't know of any nice ways to explain this to your fdh,

If a party is planned on a weekend that we have the boys then they go but if not then they don't. But most of the time we ask if they want to go and most of the time they do go but sometimes they stay at the house. But I don't have a problem with my skids, for the most part they are good kids and fit in with my family very well. Like it is not uncommon for any of my parents grand kids to 'steal' a few fries from poppa or nanna and if they didn't fit in they wouldn't do it. So I thought I was going to cry when the skids started to do it too.

But if you are not comfortable in taking them by yourself then don't and if dh is not going with you then his kids don't go period.

Its fine not to take the stepkids, my family is having a halloween party Sat. SS is here this weekend but he is not going our daughter and I are going. DH and SS are going to go see MIL while we are at the party. Win win for me no SS at party to worry about and it gets MIL a visit that I don't have to go to. SS has his own family, why does he need mine to?

I prefer to go to these things without skids, and my SO seems understanding. My family is always good about inviting them, but I just can't relax when they are around. Sometimes bringing them is unavoidable if it's our turn for a Holiday with them, so I just grin and bear it on those occasions.

Everybody needs a break from kid responsibility sometimes. It doesn't matter whose kids they are.

I agree, to a certain point :? (I know right) But for example if they are well behaved and respect you then yes we are a family and we should do things together as a family. But if they dont know how to sit down, and walk into your familys house and pick up glass objects, or anything else displayed, then I would leave them at home! Like my two ss's itook them to my mothers house on two occasions with thier dad and when we walked in my mom and dad said something like "Hi there little fella, how u doing" and they just stood there like nobody said anything! I was so embarrased, then they said it again and this time my dh said "Dont you hear somebody talkin to you"? then they said a ver low hi without even raising thier head...

And then had the nerve to run into the kitchen looked around and found some pie and started asking for some. The second time they walked right in once again not saying anything and picked up some of my mothers collectibles of her shelf and almost knocked over others. And when told to sit down, they stomped over to the nearest chair and plopped down really hard and poked out thier lips. From that point on I never had to worry about my dh getting mad becaue I did not want them to come over to any of my family functions

My mother actually keeps asking us when we are bringing the skids over and that its about time they met them (we've only been married 5 months). DH is the one who is hesitant to bring them because he says he cannot relax and have fun when they are around since they are so clingy and spoiled. Hmm, you would think that rather than just avoiding the situation he would fix the problem but I guess its easier to hire a sitter. I think its very strange.

If they are well behaved they go. If not, they don't. Easy enough. Also, DH should have to go to take care of them so you can enjoy the time with your family...

SS does go if we have him to everything, but he gets instructions on his behavior...We are doing a large family cruise over Christmas with my family and he is being told now what we expect in his behavior and his attitude toward the other grandchildren...I have to give my son the same type of instructions...

I always used to take loser skid to ALL my family functions...my family was great...however, I got sick of taking her when I started getting stared at because she would open the fridge without asking permission, when she would go and talk about how she didn't get a present because her dad didn't have any money, blah, blah, blah...so I quit taking her...actually, I just quit going. I wish I had just quit taking her, but my family would not have allowed me to stay home just because of her.

If they act well behaved...Yes...If not...No...

DH knows that SD doesn't go to my family, friends, or job functions...She's not going to embarrass me...

I told him if he had a problem with that, he could get his loser family to host something...get some friends...or a job that did stuff for their employees...SIMPLE...

We take them but...

One of the first times we took them over to my parents for a length of time they were acting like - well themselves! BF asked what was wrong and I pulled him aside and told him flat out that his kids were embarrassing and I wanted to leave. When my mom said they were going to the restaurant that their friends own I told them we weren't going with. Later I told BF if his kids can't act normal I wasn't going any where with them again. And I don't or we leave, so he tries really hard to make them mind. I think the kids are starting to understand as well. They no if I tell them to knock it off and they don't then we are going home.

I have always taken ss13 to family functions whenever he is with us. My family has known him since age 1-so they are more than aware of his issues. My ss13 also saves teh majority of his acting out for his immediate family (he's so thoughtful in that way)so mostly he just acts a little bizarre and distant when at my family's house. In fact, we go to my mom and dad's for lunch every Sunday. If ss goes with us, he enters the home-immediately begins to fill his plate, eats quickly in the "kids" room, brings plate back to kitchen, goes up to my mom and asks if he can get on her computer, she always says yes, then he disappears and is not seen again the entire time. Often the only words he utters to my family are when asking my mom about getting on her computer.

We no longer see ss at all, so not an issue any longer.

When SD26 would come for her summer visits, I never invited her to stuff I did with my own family. There was no reason for her to be there.

I remember taking them to my mothers once for a holiday gathering..... ONCE and I said never again. They were whiny, bratty, having temper tantrums, and his daughter couldn't keep her hands off ANYTHING. They don't respect me so no I do not and will not take them to any family functions. Their dad is understandable about this and agrees they are just too much. My grandmother is old and ill with Dementia, Over my dead mutilated corpse would I take them into her home, it's like a glass house, everything is breakable and his daughter espesh cannot keep her hands off ANYTHING, I said man my grandmother would take her over her knee and tan her ass, I don't want the stress of that. Her dad actually laughed at that and said maybe it would teach her a lesson? He knows though that it would be too much for either of us to handle so he never asks and if they are invited anywhere I politely decline taking them, we usually have a sitter incase that sort of situation arises. If they behaved themselves I would not have one single issue with them coming along.

Nope you are not wrong at all. In the past I have tried taking SO's kids to two events that I not only enjoy but the outings were also kid friendly and most NORMAL kids would have had a ball...but nooooo not his, they pouted and whined and made the entire day a downer! I took a vow after those events that those were the last times. So unfortunately if it is a weekend he has his children we either don't go, or I go alone..which is fine with me.
Not to mention I totally agree that if it is an occasion that you are invited to someone's home it isn't always appropriate to show up with 2 additional people, not to mention most parties that are of interest to me are adult environments and kids are not appropriate anyway.

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