You are here

Every Other Weekend Prison Sentence!

steph91103's picture

Submitted by steph91103 on Mon, 10/17/2011 - 8:39am

My fiance & I has his 3 kids every other weekend. We have my 6 yo daughter full time as her father is not in the picture. We both work full time jobs etc. When it comes to my daughter I handle 100% of her parenting duties. I do not ask him or expect him to drop what hes doing to pick my child up, watch her etc. I have always enjoyed the fact that I have one child and being able to do activites every weekend. When we have his kids I feel like I am serving a prison sentence! He does not want me to go out without them, we have to do "family activites" (which I dont mind but feel I shouldnt be forced to do). I think he needs to spend time alone with his kids too and not always have me floating arround. Their momther doesnt do anythign with them and is at her BF's house every weekend. I am used to being able to go out and about and enjoy my weekends off how I see fit. I don't feel as I should be chained down. My daughter is also getting very resentfull of this. Any ideas on what to do?

Comments

dragonfly5's picture

Submitted by dragonfly5 on Mon, 10/17/2011 - 9:01am

Slow and steady. Good boundaries are a must.
Establish early what is acceptable to you.
You will learn from this site it is very hard to undo what you have already accepted and gone along with.

You are not their mom, even if their mom is a piece of work....You have a daughter and your responsibility and loyalty is to her.

He will dump and expect you to do more and more if you do not draw the line early.

I have been with my SO for 3 yrs. I do not watch his kids, I do not pick them up, I do not assume the mother role. We have great relationship and I do not resent them. My daughter loves them and it works.

If I had not found this site and read the book stepmonster. I would not have survived.
Keeping things healthy and manageable is the key to happy blended families.

But you must take care of you! No one else will. Most of these men somehow think we are going to love their kids like they do and somehow magically want to do everything for them. It doesn't happen and they just don't get it. So if you don't say no early you will be very unhappy and so will they in the long run.

Good luck, be honest speak what is on your mind with patience and love. But speak!

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Mon, 10/17/2011 - 9:05am

You'll save yourself a log of aggrevation by finding a CHILDLESS man instead of this guy who is saddled with three children from a previously enjoyed BM.

How do I know this? The guy I live with has three children from his ex wife. Not even speaking about the FINANCIAL ramifications (we live in militantly pro-BM NYS where CS goes AT LEAST till age 21, college is mandatory, even though all 3 skids are failing primary schools, etc and he brings home about the same amount of pay as a paperboy), your man is subscribing to the "one big happy family" fantasy, errrr, I mean model which translates to this:

When it comes to HIS kids, you are all "all for one one for all" meaning you and your child are to expend energy, time, resources and of course MONEY on his kids; this will NOT be reciprocated in any way shape or form of course when it comes to you and your child.

RUN!! Once a man goes over the two kid threshold (yeah, we all make fun of the guy who has several different BMS, but seriously, that is not as bad as REPEATEDLY breeding with the SAME mentally-challenged BM, KNOWING it won't work, is it?) he's screwed (pun intended).