What Do I Do With This Info? Help!
So this is my first post, but I've been a long time reader and it's been very comforting knowing that so many of you deal with the same issues I do. Here is my latest problem, and I could really use some words of wisdom.
My wonderful, incredible, amazing husband has four kids from two previous relationships. A 15 year old son that lives with us all the time that I totally adore, two little boys 5 & 7 that stay sometimes, and a 15 year old daughter who he adopted. The 15 year old girl is a total terror, she spies on me to report to her mom, plays games to manipulate her dad, lies, has sex with another boy her age as well as her female cousin, and in general is a pain in the butt. She has been horrible to me, and all that happens is that my husband confronts her, she does the "I'm so sorry daddy" routine, and he falls for it and never makes her apologize or punishes her for any of it. My husband adopted her when he was married to her mother because the biological father wanted nothing to do with her (knowing the bio-mom, I understand why!). In a fit of pissed off curiosity, I located the biological father to see if he had changed his mind about wanting a relationship with his daughter because I was hoping that maybe some different influences in her life would balance things out. That's when he told me that he wasn't the biological father, and sent me the DNA test results to prove it. The bio-mom is a total witch, and she coerced this guy into marrying her because she was pregnant, which is the same thing that she did to my husband.
To make the story more complicated, my husband's youngest son looks nothing like him and was conceived after my husband had a vasectomy. Due to eye color and some other features, it is highly unlikely that my husband could have fathered him, especially 6 months after a vasectomy, but my husband gave the witch the benefit of the doubt and has always accepted the boy as his son. Another complicating factor is that I know who the father of the girl probably is, and I feel like he should know that he has a daughter out there in case he wants a relationship with her.
Now that I have actual evidence that she cheated on the first husband and lied about paternity to trap him into marriage and I look at the little boy and wonder who his real father is, what do I do? I've considered a few things:
1. Give the step-daughter the paternity results and let her know that her mother is a lying witch.
2. Send the results to the mother's parents to let them know that she is a lying witch.
3. Post the results on the mother's facebook page so that everyone knows.
4. Sit on the info and shut up about it.
The mother makes me miserable, she is just a nasty, cruel person who is after nothing more than to make my sweet husband miserable. What do I do?
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Comments
I know the first 3 options
I know the first 3 options are all too tempting but I'd go with number 4, for now anyways, does your husband even know that you know or are considering any of this? If not this could cause a lot of problems for you and him.
No matter what BM did, DH is
No matter what BM did, DH is the girl's legal father.
Are you willing to lose DH over this? If not, go with #4.
I am on the fence on this
I am on the fence on this one. I am my SS's dad. I have no genetic responsibility for him but I am his dad none the less.
That said ..... if the information can be used to get a toxic, vitriolic and manipulative BM under control ..... then use it.
Rather than the shotgun approach of a FB post, I would go with options 1&2 in a calm and professional way. Not to cause a collapse of your husbands relationship with his daughter, she is his daughter, but to give others that BM has minipulated the facts they should have to make informed decisions on how they deal with her.
At 15 your SD is old enough to be informed of the facts in a calm age appropriate fashion.
So, go ahead and play those cards. Facts are not good or bad, they are just facts. BM's actions that resulted in the facts are what is wrong and her victims should have the facts.
IMHO of course.
We have used facts and this method to minimize the toxic drivel that my SS-19's SpermIdiot and SpermGrandMa load him up with. Arrest records (DickHead likes to lie to his spawn about how he has never been in trouble with the law), marriage and divorce records(he likes to lie to his kids about having never been married), letters and reports from the CSE office indicating that DickHead pays no CS on my SS (SpermGrandMa pays it for him and they both like ot lie to the kids about how their father works hard to provide for them)......
My SS is the oldest of the SPermIdiots 4 oowl spawn. SS is an only child in our home. His mom and I have been married since shortly before he turned 2yo. The younger three spawn live with, are raised and supported by SpermGrandMa with no help from DickHead.
So, facts are very powerful and can be used to counter the toxic vitriolic crap of the blended family opposition.
You have some good facts to leverage so leverage them .... carefully. Okay, maybe I am not so much on the fence. }:)
Good luck.
Is your DH aware of this
Is your DH aware of this info? He needs to be the one to reveal the truth to the players. I'd go with 1 & 2. 15 is old enough to know the truth. Is your SD in counseling? Sounds like she could benefit from a third party teaching her what's appropriate and inappropriate and learning to make better choices.IMHO.
Thanks everyone for advice.
Thanks everyone for advice. My husband does know that I have this, but he doesn't know what to do about it. I am, like many of you I think, just sick of always being portrayed as the bad guy. We'll see what the week brings, and I think that Rags is right, it's time to use this as some calculated ammo against her campaign of hatred and bitterness.